Some surprises are great (like getting a cake just for you) and some surprises are awful (like breaking up). On this episode of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, we get a dose of both types of surprises… and then some.
Angela & Michael:
“Last night I slept alone.” Angela has had enough of Michael’s lies and sweet talking. The lady wants out, but the only problem is, she is in the middle of Nigeria and she can’t afford the flight change fees. She cares very little about what Michael has to say and she knows “something’s not right” with their relationship. Angela makes it clear that she is “staying for me,” and Michael can see the writing on the wall: No USA, no way. As much as Michael sees Angela as a ticket to America…er…as a woman to spend the rest of his life with…he fears that their future may not be rainbows and butterflies. Angela agrees and she other has other plans. “I’ve got Michael’s phone” and she is about to go Harriet the Spy on him.
On the way back to the hotel, nothing Michael can do is right. I mean, the guy wacked Angela in the nose with her luggage and big Ang is def gonna have a black eye after that shot. Once the estranged couple reaches the hotel, Michael “sincerely apologizes,” but I’m not sure Angela is buying it. Michael should just let Angela have a cig so she can think with a clear, calm mind.
Angela, channeling Dog the Bounty Hunter with that hairdo, decides to have a sit-down dinner and chat with Michael. Michael is trying his hardest to weasel his way back into her heart and after a bit of smooth talking, Angela apologizes about her recent behavior towards Michael. I mean, it’s clear as day that Michael is sweating due to that fact that he is close to losing his ticket to America, but the heart wants what the heart wants and Ang allows Michael back into her loving arms. I sure as hell can’t say no to a man holding a cake either, especially when the cake is your own personal treat. Angela goes as far as saying “I might take some icing for tonight and put it somewhere to surprise you.” Well, that situation turned quite quickly, huh?
Ricky & Ximena:
Post breaking the news to choice #2, I mean, Ximena, things aren’t looking so great for Ricky. Ximena, in shock, left the dinner table and locked herself in the bathroom. Ricky claims it took “a lot of courage” for him to come clean, and 20 minutes later, Ximena emerges, ready to rip Ricky a new one. I would be running if I were Ricky, but alas, he remains glued to his chair and grants Ximena’s demands to tell the WHOLE story of his Colombian adventure. As Ricky unravels the tale, Ximena is clearly calculating how to murder him in his sleep. Ricky explains he never slept with Melissa and he only wanted to tell Ximena the truth because he “loves her.” My goodness, this guy is fickle! Poor Ximena is starting to realize she is Plan B, but Ricky has hope that she will forgive him. After all, the guy is planning on proposing to X.
The next morning, Ximena is still heartbroken and silent. Ricky is hoping to get his (2nd) girl back, but it doesn’t seem likely she will buy his sob story. Ximena states that she doesn’t really know Ricky and that she feels “betrayed.” Ricky isn’t denying this, but he is also living in la-la-land if he thinks he can put a ring on Ximena’s finger. Ximena decides to give the Rickster a chance to recover trust and suggests that they get to know each other, but this time “no more lies.” Ricky wastes no time: “I know you love me.” Man, he is bold.
“It’s been a couple months since Jesse left America” and evidently, there has been a lot of “things” unanswered. Darcey needs to realize that if Jesse is not answering, he is just not interested any more. Darcey spills to her cousin/hair dresser, Monique, about the Jesse drama. Her cuz seems concerned that Darcey’s children witnessed a lot of the bickering during his stay in the “CT.” Darcey claims that Jesse gets upset about “superficial things” and she feels like their relationship is like a “slow death.” Oooph.
Surprise! Jesse is coming to America in a week! Darcey is over-the-top giddy about what the trip may hold and preps for his arrival. “I wanna stand strong” soooo I am gonna get my veneers refitted?! That’s exactly what I wanna do when I’m trying to win a dude over. Also, can we please talk about the leopard goggles Darcey wears during the veneer procedure? I can’t focus on anything else…
As Darcey plans for Jesse’s arrival and thinks it’s going to be a great trip, in the Netherlands, Jesse explains that his trip to America is for one reason, and one reason alone: break up. Jesse meets up with a “gym buddy,” but it seems more likely he found this guy on the street and paid him to be his friend because he is too much of a crazy man to actually have real friends. Jesse shares his realization with his “friend,” and explains that he is planning on telling Darcey the relationship is over when he flies to NYC. That’s one expensive break up!
The eagle has landed. Jesse is back in NY and is ready to let Darcey know that enough is enough. The relationship is over. Someone better tell Darcey to stop wasting all of that make-up because the tears are just gonna wash it all off. There’s also a “nail in the coffin” incident involving Darcey that Jesse just found out about. Thiiiiiiiis isn’t going to go over well, considering Darcey is donning an all white ensemble (in hopes to get engaged I am sure).
Rachel (& Lucy):
Rachel is back in Albuquerque and getting back in her “routine has been pretty nice.” Rachel explains that going to England to meet her man Jon was one of the best decisions of her life, particularly because she got an engagement ring out the deal. Rachel spills that she is going back to England because… Jon and Rachel are getting married…fast. Turns out that getting married COULD make it easier to get Jon over here in the US of A, but it’s not 100% certain. Rachel goes ahead and meets with an immigration lawyer, who is trying her hardest to keep a straight face upon hearing their love story. The lawyer skypes Jon in and gives recommendations to the couple, but it looks like Jon’s record is going to be a huge roadblock. WTG, Jon! The odds are stacked against these two.
The wedding is set in a “beautiful English garden,” which sounds amazing, but what doesn’t sound amazing is that this couple may not even be able to live their lives on the same continent. Soooo there’s that. Plus, none of Rachel’s friends and family can make it to the wedding because they don’t wanna go…I mean, they can’t afford it. I’m calling BS. At least Rachel has Sheri, her best friend. Together, the girls head out to shop for a wedding dress. Rachel’s insecurities are crushing her self-esteem as she tries on dress after dress in the bridal shop, but finally, she finds a winner. Unfortunately, the dress is too expensive for Rachel, but “nothing is gonna stop” them from “being together.”
Tarik & Hazel:
The two lovebirds (hardly) are trying to escape from Tarik’s brother, Dean. They are off to spend some “quality romantic time” together (I hope you can sense the sarcasm) and fly to Lio, the most beautiful place in the Philippines. Tarik spends his life savings to go to some strange resort so they can see what their relationship is like one on one. Tarik tries to blame Hazel’s cultural differences for their lack of romantic relations, but the reality is that she’s just not that into you, Tarik.
Because they ran around in a rainstorm together, Tarik feels like he’s in for a night of loving. However, Tarik is too affectionate for Hazel’s liking, and Tarik is just about to lose his mind that he can’t smooch his sweetie. When asked if he may propose by the producers, Tarik explains that he needs to “know for sure that she’s in this for love and not for money.” Eh, good luck trying to figure that out. Perhaps he should hire Angela. She’s good at getting to the bottom of things…
Tarik, have you ever stopped and thought about your outfit choices? This guy…where does one even buy a primary colored camoflauge tank top?! Today, the couple is going on a romantic adventure on a boat, but neither Tarik nor Hazel can actually swim…so really, this is basically a death sentence. To add to the suspense, the two non-swimmers canoe to a romantic cove. Their life vests are basically suffocating them and Tarik tells Hazel, “Yea, see I got you!” I am gagging. It doesn’t help that Hazel tells Tarik exactly what he wants to hear: “I love you.” Tarik is SHOCKED by this “declaration of love” and I am beyond grossed out by their awkward “romantic” exchanges.
Packing day! Marta is about to head off to Algeria to meet her “soul mate.” Her boo comes from a traditional family, which may be an issue considering Marta is an exotic dancer. Yea…about that… Marta feels anxious about the upcoming trip, particularly because she needs a “letter of invitation from Daya” to get into Algeria for their trip. During a FaceTime conversation, Marta breaks the news to Daya and he promises to write that letter. I’m not sure how this relationship is going to work, considering the fact that Daya gets sh*t for wearing a cross necklace. Evidently, Daya wants Marta to become Muslim, but I feel like this is going to be an uphill battle, especially Daya just straight up hangs up on Marta. Embarrassing.
Paul & Karine:
“Me and Karine just had our first real big fight as a married couple.” I’m sorry. They have been married for like 12 minutes. This is not a good sign. Karine ran off (round II), Paul met with Karine’s mother, and now Paul’s feeling super homesick. He Skypes with his mom, who shares her concern about Paul’s relationship with Karine. Paul lets his mom know that Karine’s mother has suggested a divorce. Paul’s mom gives some sound advice: “you need to talk to each other.” Right. That will be easy to do considering that Karine has locked herself away from her husband. Paul’s mom makes her opinion known: he tried, but “it’s not like a vacation.” They have “too many factors against” them and Paul needs to start “thinking straight.” Some pep talk, mom! (I find myself silently hoping that Paul heads home just so we wouldn’t have to listen to their story any more).
Watching Paul run may be one of my favorite parts of the entire show. Paul is sprinting to the clinic because……………..Karine might be pregnant. Well that’s a twist considering this couple was contemplating divorce just a mere 24 hours before this saga unfolded. While the couple, plus Karine’s mother, sit waiting to get the pregnancy results, Paul sweats it out and uses his stupid translator app to communicate with the doctor at the clinic. LEARN PORTUGUESE ALREADY, YOU FOOL.
Karine gets some blood work done to find out the pregnancy truth and Paul worries about the future of his relationship with Karine. Paul looks like he is on the verge of setting another fire when Karine chooses not to answer any questions he throws at her regarding their marriage. Two hours later, Karine learns the news that she is, in fact, about four or five weeks pregnant. SURPRISE! Despite the news, Karine is still unsure if she is willing to make the marriage work with Paul.
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