RHONJ Recap: Melissa and Teresa Fight Over Wedding Drama and Margaret Confronts Jennifer for Meeting With Ex-BFF, Plus Jennifer and Dolores Bicker Yet Again

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RHONJ Recap: Margaret's ex-friend Laura is sharing rumors with Jennifer and Teresa and Jennifer tells Margaret their friendship is a spectrum Plus Melissa and Teresa fight over the seating AGAIN at the engagement party

This week on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, we have been dealt another episode that is focused on “Family, Family, Family.” Let us now be served with another Gorga-dysfunctional sh*t sandwich!

We are back from our premiere’s to-be-continued to find poor Bill having to escort his wife out of the party. Dolores is annoyed that Jennifer is crying the blues to everyone to garner sympathy. She is resentful that Jennifer does not acknowledge her support in the past. Jennifer then calls Dolores a “lowlife,” and Bill tries valiantly to get her to tone herself down. Danielle, who already has a thirst for camera time, tries to interject herself in their dispute, but you can tell the newbie is annoying Dolores.

Teresa gets a call from her wedding planner. Her wedding is 67 days away, and she has invited 200+ guests/victims. She wants Cirque du Soleil dancers and fireworks. Teresa is relieved that she is not a Trezilla. She wants people to come to her wedding and be able to say, “Wow, what is this?” Teresa will get that — everyone is going to wonder WTF is going to burst out of that hair nest on top of her head! The guests need to be able to prepare themselves just in case there is a spider monkey tucked in her hairy conehead.

Melissa and Teresa are supposed to present an award together after they have barely spoken. She is annoyed that Louie called her insecure, and that clearly has pushed some buttons. Melissa is resentful since she is always checking her image in the mirror and is very secure about her appearance. Joe feels like Teresa has closed so many doors in his face. He is hurt that he will not be walking her down the aisle.

Jennifer invites Danielle and her kids to come over. Danielle is really impressed with Jennifer’s Paramus Palace. She is afraid her kids are going to break her balls since they do not have a home like that — especially her son, who has now flipped off the camera and said “MF” on TV. What a sweet kid, right? Danielle proudly put herself in the crossfire between Dolores and Jennifer so she can achieve Housewife status. Jennifer thinks that they are treating her like a Tre’s pet chimp chump. Danielle sees Jennifer as her crazy sister from another mister. She mentions that Teresa briefed her on everyone, which is clearly showing since she thinks Jennifer was the most welcoming.

Teresa calls and tells Jen and Danielle about the meeting with Margaret. She declares herself a “very happy fresh of breath air.” Jennifer then spills that Marge’s ex-BFF Laura is reaching out to share some dirt with Teresa and Jennifer. She believes that Marge invests her time digging for dirt on them, so why not grab another shovel? Teresa and Jen become momentarily mute when asked if Laura has anything on anyone else, but there are crickets. Jennifer will not share what she heard unless someone pushes her buttons.

Rachel is home with her husband John and their kids. She has two kids with John and a stepson named Jaiden. Rachel lets us know that Danielle is hosting a mozzarella-making party. She is a quirky person, which I like, but I am still on the fence about all of the new wives.

Marge has invited Jackie, Melissa, Dolores, and Jennifer F. to come over. She met Jennifer F. through Siggy Flicker, who is an annoying blast from the past. Marge has a game where you answer a naughty question and put your answer in the bowl. The other ladies have to figure out who wrote it, and it has to be about a sex act. Margaret wants to have sex in her car and wants a poor unsuspecting truck driver to see them. Melissa lets us know that she licks Joe’s balls. TMI, those little guys must be like marbles that you could choke on! Margaret lets us know how she is aware that her ex-friend Laura has been spilling stories. She asserts that Laura has been shopping around with some salacious rumors about Marge, which she tried to give to Teresa and Jennifer.

Dolores is hanging out at Paul’s house having lunch. She is happy that she has become corny and is content walking around in his underwear. Dolores truly seems happier this season, and Paul encourages her to keep her Paterson in check and try to be the better person. When Dolores asks Paul about Frank, he believes Frank is the uncomfortable one — not him. Paul wants it to be known that he is the one looking out for her.

We now see everyone getting their acrylic invitation for Teresa’s wedding in a box with flowers. Rachel’s husband is surprised that they got invited since they barely know Teresa. Joe G. thinks that his parents would be very unhappy if they were to see what is going on with him and Tre. He thought they got rid of the bad Giudice seed, and now a new one named Louie is germinating.

Danielle is getting ready for her mozzarella-making party, which seems like a weird idea for a party. She thinks that mozzarella will have a calming effect on everyone. Danielle does not want to hear her house is cute –she takes that comment as an inference that it is small. Dolores hilariously comes in first and deems it so cute. Melissa, Marge, Teresa, Jennifer F. Rachel, and Jennifer A. are coming to the party.

Teresa mentions that Ramona shared her wedding invite on social media. She must send everyone new invites since she was trying to plan a private wedding with 200 people. Teresa is now advocating for Jennifer, and it is pissing off Dolores. All Dolores wants to do is smash Jennifer’s face in. Teresa mentions that she had a good time with Melissa on their trip to present an award together, which seems really suspect. Danielle got a vibe that Jackie is not her cup of tea and iced her out by not inviting her. She thinks that Jackie has been checking out the competition her out.

The ladies are getting turned on by the guys making mozzarella. Marge pulls Jen aside to talk about their issues and how she believes they had been resolved. Marge lets us know in her ITM that she has a “mole” in “Jennifer’s camp” who told her they are communicating with Laura. Jen tells Marge that she did in fact talk to Laura and believes that their friendship is a spectrum. Marge says that Jennifer has marijuana paranoia. Jennifer is resentful and says, “I am not like sitting there like getting high in the corner like some crackhead !”  Side note: Did you all catch Jennifer F. ravaging her mozzarella when she thought the camera was not filming her?

Dolores, who is listening closely to this conversation, slowly rises and turns Matrix-like to confront Jennifer. I found myself preparing for a scrap. Dolores wants Jennifer to come to her and quit bad-mouthing her to everybody else. Teresa keeps spouting affirmations like, “Start with a clean slate!” But she is clearly not capable of doing that herself. Side note: I feel like Louie puts earphones on Teresa when she sleeps in hopes that he can reboot her brain using positive affirmations.

Melissa and Teresa then get into it over the seating arrangements at the engagement party. She and Joe were not able to sit at the family table. Melissa then tries to get Teresa to look her in the eyes and tell her that it was not preplanned. She believes that it was a punishment to be forced to sit with Jennifer and some hairdressers. Dolores knows damn well that Tre clearly made a statement with that seat assignment. It is important in an Italian family where you are placed at a family event.

Melissa, who is clearly over Teresa, is sick of being the bad guy. She will not allow her to keep blaming everything on her. These two will never be okay with each other, and they are not and will NEVER be family. Melissa wants everyone to know that family is not everything to Teresa, and she is a hypocrite. I know one thing — this is going to be a long season knowing we have to listen to this family drama on loop…

Next week, Frank and Paul are having issues. Louie and Joe are having a b*tch boy fight. I hope everyone had a Happy Valentine’s/Anti-Valentine’s Day! See you tomorrow in Miami!

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