RHOSLC Recap: Angie Blames Meredith for Greek Mafia and Debt Rumors, Monica Cries After Her Family Canceled Meeting, and Heather Lashes Out Over Intimacy Question

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RHOSLC Recap: Angie Slams Meredith for Greek Mafia and Debt Rumors, Monica Cries After Her Family Canceled Meeting, and Heather Lashes Out Over Intimacy Question

Our Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back this week for more Bermuda birthday blues. Monica will get some disappointing news, and Meredith will be confronted about her sneaky ways! Grab a tissue, and let us blow!

Production is really feeding into the narrative that Meredith has not only been kept away from a bathtub, but she has also been relegated to having dismal views. Meredith looks like she is sleeping in the maids’ quarters of this luxurious home, and it is funny how production is shading her at every turn. Side note: Why does Heather have full makeup on when she is just waking up?

Heather is planning a royal birthday party for Monica’s 39th birthday. Angie comes out while Heather is fulfilling her contractual duties of pretending to care decorating, and Heather shares that she did not have fun the night before. Meredith — advertising her Brooks Marks tracksuit — joins the group, but I do not think she will be much help in the decorating department since she moves at a snail’s pace. She thinks that Whitney is right in being upset with Lisa. Meredith thinks people should not speak like Whit did, but production graces us with several times where she herself spoke that way.

Whitney, who Heather has deemed “petty,” comes out and apologizes to Heather for cursing at her. She recognizes that she lost control of her emotions and hopes her apology was not for naught. Monica comes out on cue — but from the wrong direction. She is thrilled to see they created a birthday breakfast for her. YUM, the Bermudian breakfast looks delicious, and I hope these b*tches do not waste their food. Monica starts to cry and shares she has never had a celebration like this before. She is going to see family members that she has not seen in 30 years. Monica mentions that Linda did not show up to their planned therapy session. Excuse me, did she just say that Linda might show up in Bermuda?

Monica invites Lisa up to her balcony, and she is nervous about seeing her family. She wants Lisa to come, and this is incredibly random. Monica shares that Meredith told her that Angie is in the Greek mafia. She also mentions that she got DMs on Instagram with legal documents attached to them. Lisa sees that this has Meredith written all over it. She thinks Mer is setting her up to do her dirty work. Side note: Production gloriously graces us with a scene where Angie is awkwardly trying to get on a pool float in her Greek flag bikini and looks nothing like a mafioso.

The ladies decide to go jet skiing, and this should be interesting. WTF is Lisa wearing on the jet ski? The water looks so beautiful, and that shipwreck is cool to see. Thankfully, they all survive the ride and head back to the Sprinter. Monica gets a text, and she leaves the van crying. Lisa goes after her while she is sobbing in the bathroom. Monica received a text that her family did not want her to visit. She thinks that Linda put the kibosh on this because she was not invited. Lisa feels bad for Monica that this is happening to her on her actual birthday. The ladies all comfort her when she sobs that she has no family and feels unwanted. Angie tries to get her to shift the negative focus to something positive. Side note: Did you all catch Whit looking a little jelly when Lisa ran to support Monica?

The ladies all have lunch on the beach with the gorgeous views. Lisa wants to play marry, f*ck, and kill, which IMO is a disastrous game to play with friends. Meredith wants all for Seth since she is dying to drown him in her tub. Lisa will not pick anyone else to f*ck but Idris Elba (excellent choice), and he is her hall pass. Lisa and Angie go on a walk, and she tells her about the Greek mafia rumors from Meredith. Angie, looking incredulous in her oversized frames that mirror Lisa’s suit, contemplates being a member of a Greek mafia and what it suggests. Lisa then shares that there were documents that were DMed as well that were negative in nature. In her confessional, Angie acts like she is all gangster, and you know there is a meal in danger of being ruined later in this episode!

Whitney has finally decided to read Heather’s book which I hope has pictures so she can follow along. Angie tells Monica that she knows what Meredith has been saying about her. Monica then mentions she would never have known about the DMs if Mer had not called her to check them. She will not intervene if they decide to slug it out at her birthday party since she is used to being a part of a sh*tshow.

Monica calls her daughter, Bri, and she lets her know what happened in Bermuda. Bri is such a good kid, and I cannot believe she turned out so well in this toxic environment. Bri should be able to be a kid and not her mother’s therapist.

Monica wants a pirate-themed party, however, only a few of them can get the vibe of this theme. Lisa thinks she is dressing in theme, but she looks like a genie in a bottle. She has not been successful in her ability to dress in theme. Whitney went shopping at Fredericks for her costume, and she thought her G-string was an eyepatch. I cannot believe she thought that the skirt was sufficient to cover her a*s. Little girl Whit, you do not want sand in your hoo-ha when sitting on beach chairs.

The restaurant is a distance to get to, and the ladies again look ridiculous with their footwear — especially Whit in stilettos. They must walk through a cave to get to their table, and they need to worry more about the storm brewing than the bats flying around. They all order drinks called “dark and stormy,” and that is a premonition for how this evening is going to end.

Monica then lets them know that she felt sex-shamed earlier on the bus when she inquired about Heather’s DAUGHTER’S sex life. She wants everyone to answer, “When was the last time everybody had sex?” Nobody wants to admit that it has been a while, so they all come up with the day before. Heather deems this to be an unfair question since she is the only single one. Monica reminds her that she is single — even though she is still legally married. Heather then tells Monica in her eerie pirate makeup to shut the f*ck up. Whit does not want to play games anymore, so they delve into the REAL issue.

Angie, who is chomping at the bit for airtime, jumps in and confronts Meredith about spreading salacious rumors about her family. Meredith then does what she does best and carefully words her responses to defend herself. She is using her legal background to create a word salad of plausible deniability. Meredith pretends like she is too busy dusting off her jewelry working to be bothered with this nonsense. She attributes this attack to them being jealous of her fabulous life bathing with Seth and giving him some taint play.

Angie then wants to give them all her identifying information and wants them to run a credit report on her. She deems Meredith’s actions as an attempt to destroy her business and reputation. Lisa jumps in and reminds them that Meredith did the same thing to her with the SEC filing. Whitney then pipes up and lets them know she was Mer’s errand girl last season. I must give Meredith credit — or her pharmacist — but that woman can remain composed when everyone is coming at her.

Heather believes that Meredith has an invisibility cloak (with a Brooks Marks logo) on and refuses to walk in the truth. Lisa, who is getting her vindication, is tired of all the lies. She warns that if one more DM slides in, her cybersecurity team and her seven lawyers will investigate this nonsense. Who needs a cybersecurity team in the tequila business? In her confessional, Heather hilariously says they are the Geek Squad in Armani. The Bermuda Triangle is working its magic with this group, but how will any of them escape this trip unscathed? Take care, Blurbers, and see you tonight in Miami!

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