She just doesn’t seem to have a whole lot in common with the other ladies. The RHONJ ladies are TOUGH! They’re straight forward..no nonsense…in-your-face. They’ve been these things from the very beginning—no matter who came and went. It’s what we love about them, right?
In contrast, Siggy is sensitive, especially when it comes to her OWN feelings. She cries… A LOT. She’s definitely mushy. Some might even say she’s soft. These ladies don’t cry easily. And soft and mushy?! Well, they just don’t do soft and mushy in the Garden State.
When we picked up with the ladies last night, they were still in Milan, and still reeling from the huge fight that took place over dinner on their first night in town. In case you missed it, Siggy confronted Margaret about the comparison she’d made between Kim D. and Hitler, a few weeks before.
This lead to a nasty, profanity-laced screaming match that ended with Siggy calling Margaret anti- Semitic. No doubt, Margaret’s comment was insensitive. All the more so, considering that Siggy is a Jewish woman, whose father is a holocaust survivor. But an anti-Semite?
Margaret was certainly stung by the use of this phrase, and the rest of the ladies agreed that calling her anti-Semitic was taking things way too far.
The following day, the ladies wisely chose to keep Siggy and Margaret apart, and give them a chance to cool off. They divided into two groups, with Siggy in one, and Margaret in the other.
Over lunch in the park with Melissa and Danielle, Siggy again (tearfully..always tearfully) explained her feelings about what Margaret had said. She also said she expected her friends to understand, and not try to justify something that was so hurtful. Melissa and Danielle assured Siggy that they weren’t trying to dismiss her feelings, or minimize the effect Margaret’s comments had, but they also felt that Margaret was a good person, and certainly not anti-Semitic.
Margaret, Teresa, and Dolores prepared an authentic Milanese dinner for the ladies. All agreed to attend; and all hoped that they wouldn’t have a repeat of the ugliness from the last dinner.
It was pretty awkward from the beginning, and noticing that Margaret seemed particularly uncomfortable, Melissa lead her outside to talk. Margaret explained to Melissa how hurt SHE was by Siggy’s words, and how damaging an allegation of anti-Semitism could be to her reputation.
Inside, Siggy was still holding court, tearfully explaining AGAIN how much the casual mention of Hitler bothered her. She said just hearing the name was a trigger.
Teresa said she understood triggers, and that she had one herself, the word “jail”. Now, for Teresa, that’s a definite fighting word. She never, ever says it. But last night she did…out loud. Granted, she choked on it a little, but she said it. That’s growth.
When Margaret and Melissa heard what Siggy was talking about, Margaret took the opportunity to apologize to Siggy. It really did seem sincere, too. Margaret was tearful and contrite, and swore that she never meant to hurt or disrespect Siggy.
And Siggy’s response? NOTHING! Not. one. word. She just nodded, and continued sipping her wine. She barely acknowledged that Margaret had spoken to her, let alone what she’d actually said.
Once again, the other ladies were pretty firmly on Margaret’s side. They said that is was very brave of her to apologize so sincerely, and own up to the hurt she’d caused. Siggy remained unmoved.
The following day, Margaret and Siggy once again stayed in separate groups, but the tension between them was certainly still the hottest topic in town.
In an uncharacteristically sensitive moment of her own, Teresa invited Siggy along with her to church to say a prayer for her mother, who recently passed away. Siggy was touched to be included, especially since she hadn’t been present for the wreath ceremony that Margaret had in Teresa’s mother’s honor while they were all in Boca, despite just having met Teresa, and never meeting her mother.
Teresa sat Siggy down while they had some time alone, and explained to her that she really didn’t think Margaret had meant any harm, and that she just has a snarky sense of humor, and obviously hadn’t realized how sensitive Siggy really is.
Siggy said that she had felt under attack by Margaret ever since she jokingly called her “Soggy” Flicker, because of her constant crying. Siggy had explained that jokes about her name were another trigger because of the teasing she’d endured as a child (Siggy has A LOT of triggers, apparently).
Teresa told her the “Soggy” thing was supposed to be funny, and really wasn’t all that bad. Certainly not as bad as being called “adultery”, like Kim D. had called Teresa. Surely, Siggy would agree with that, right?! No..never. She said that “hurt is hurt”. Um…not really.
As Teresa said, being accused of being an adulterer was far worse, more like “taking a bullet”, while being teased about crying was more like “a little cut”. Siggy said she felt that Margaret hadn’t even apologized, and Teresa was quick to remind her that she’d gotten a very genuine apology the night before, and that in the melee that ensued after the first dinner, Margaret really hadn’t even had the chance to apologize.
On this point, Siggy had to concur. She appreciated that Teresa was trying to come from a good place, and agreed that perhaps she’d been too hard on Margaret, and that it was time for her to apologize for her own part in the conflict.
At dinner that evening (their last in town), Melissa began to make a toast, thanking the girls for a wonderful trip, and the great memories she would have of Milan. But since the toast wasn’t all about Siggy, she cut Melissa off half way through, and spoke directly to Margaret. She apologized…not for what she said, but for hurting her feelings.
Now, everyone know it’s never a good idea to “apologize” for how someone feels. It rings false. It’s the type of apology you give when you’re not REALLY sorry, but want the person to just get over it, already, and move on. It was pretty clear that Margaret was aware of this, and wasted no time letting Siggy know that her apology didn’t seem quite genuine.
Siggy began to explain (again) how she felt about the Hitler reference. Margaret, visibly annoyed at this point, told Siggy that to stop making excuses for herself, especially since she held everyone else up to a nearly impossible standard, that she didn’t live up to herself. Where was all the compassion Siggy was always preaching about, Margaret wanted to know.
Siggy finally admitted to being “far from perfect”. How big of her! Margaret went on to explain how damaging it was for her to be lumped in with a hate group. She said that she had many Jewish friends, a reputation as a solid and trustworthy business woman, and that if she was known as an anti-Semite, all that she held dear in her life could be ruined with that one word.
Siggy admitted that she hadn’t thought of that, and that she did not genuinely think that Margaret was anti-Semitic, but that she did think she was “anti-Siggy”, the exact phrase Dolores used last week to describe Margaret’s feelings about Siggy.
Siggy also reminded Margaret that she’d been the one to bring her into the group, and she’d been hurt when Margaret seemed to bond with the other ladies, and leave her behind.
Siggy said it was as though she’d taken Margaret to a wedding, and been “deserted by cocktail hour”. The other ladies assured them both that they would not take sides, and that they loved them both.
In the end, Siggy and Margaret agreed (a bit grudgingly) to forgive and forget, and Margaret extended an invitation to all the ladies for her upcoming “Studio 54” themed birthday party.
All in all, it seems like Siggy and Margaret simply don’t “get” each other, and it’s doubtful that they ever will. Our Jersey girls are on hiatus during the holidays, so we have a few weeks to wait until we find out for sure, but it looks like there’s plenty more drama where this came from.
In scenes for the next episode, Teresa is going to make good on her promise to apologize to Danielle’s daughters for the things she said about their mom. But Teresa hasn’t turner over a completely new leaf, because she’ll also be back to arguing with her sister in law, Melissa.
We’re also going to meet Margaret’s ex husband, and the two are going to discuss the estranged relationship Margaret has with his children.
Stay tuned, everyone. We’re still just halfway through the season, and the new year is sure to be even juicier.
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