This teaser segment introducing this episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is amazing…SO much to look forward to. SO much drama and fighting and ya know…just the usual.
SO. Rewind. Five days earlier… Erika, Eileen, and Rinna all get together to hang poolside. It’s so nice to see Eileen again- I miss her and her REAL job…unlike some of these ladies on the show. Rinna fangirls over Eileen, as Eileen is a REAL actor and Rinna’s green with envy. They do a very surface “kid catch-up” and then Erika and Rinna try to explain that everything is legit okay with Dorit and there’s really no gossip to spill. Eileen looks bummed that nothing juicy is brewing, but the foreshadowing is palpable. Anytime anything goes too well for too long, we all know it’s gonna come crashing down, and fast.
Kyle and her smoke-show hubby Mauricio are renovating their house, yet they fell in love with a listing. Will they be moving? They went to check out a house because they liked the floors and then WAM-O, Kyle’s got the fam packed and is pulling out of the driveway simply because she cannot stand another minute of renovations on her current home. Kyle even shares that she drives by the potential new home every day and 9 year old Portia states she wants to move so she can “redo her closet.” When I was 9, I was focusing on redoing my Barbie dream house…but hey. Whatever.
Teddi and Rinna meet up for a mani/pedi date. Rinna shares that she had a “fun” dinner with Dorit, despite last season’s issues. Teddi is super anxious and states that Dorit is not the friend Rinna thinks she is. She proceeds to fill Rinna in how Dorit thinks Rinna can be “one person one minute….another person another minute.” Seems like Dorit is not quite past all of the Rinna drama from last season. This comes as a surprise to Rinna…but…she transitions in a way only Rinna can and lets Teddi know she’s getting all the girls together with some drinks on Saturday. THIS should be interesting.
I say we ditch Dorit next season and replace her with Mikey, Erika’s creative director. He is way more entertaining and talented and let’s face it, the guy knows how to style. He does his best to guide Erika as she gets ready for her book cover shoot. Erika explains how she wrote an entire CHAPTER about money. I mean, how else would a Bravolebrity be able to write a book and then slip into a sheer catsuit for the camera? Smile-KaChing!
Evidently, these women are all about “business” this year. PK and Dorit head on over to the bathing suit factory, or as Dorit calls it, “my factory, baby!” Dorit explains that the sound of the sewing machine and the smell of the fabrics are bringing her home. It’s hilarious especially because PK is really running the show. So much so that he changes the name of the swimwear collection to Beverly Beach. “It’s a blossomed idea of what I initially thought.” Right. Keep telling yourself that, Dorit.
Later, Erika busts out some Crystal because Dorit came over. What a reason to celebrate! You better believe Erika gives Dorit the right kind of glass cuz she has class. Bam. The two “entrepreneurs” talk about their business ventures: Erika and her book…and Dorit and Beverly Beach. Dorit tries to sell the swimwear name to Erika and even goes as far to say…“It’s a lifestyle.” Insert eye roll here.
Dorit lets Erika know that she is so very jealous of LVP’s newest BFF, Teddi Bear. Thank GOD Erika thinks this is bizarre behavior and even tells Dorit so. But, of course, Dorit doesn’t stop talking about the newly formed friendship and other beaten to death issues that everyone (I’m sure )thought were already squashed.
Meanwhile, Kyle and Mauricio go to tour the perspective new property. It truly is amazing. Kyle explains that, “it’s my house, but bigger.” They begin the arduous process of the do we/don’t we and Mauricio lets Kyle know there’s another offer in on the house…so they better move quick! Talk about pressure.
Hooray! It’s time for Saturday drinks…THE Saturday drinks. The life these ladies lead…mid afternoon drinks whenever, wherever. Kyle shares with the few girls who have arrived early that she DID decide to get the home. Surprise! I saw that coming—the poor woman just cannot handle another 4 months of renovations. Sigh.
Teddi makes a bold move by picking up Dorit so they can travel to the drink date together and simultaneously talk about brewing issues sans everyone’s opinions. Best laid plans, Teddi. Turns out, Dorit doesn’t like being told she’s wrong and we all know she’s gonna blow her lid once she gets in front of her audience- aka all the other women.
Kyle is the smart one and gets to dip out of drinks early because she has to go see “Hamilton” with 9 year old, Portia. Again, when I was 9, I was playing with Barbies, but I digress. It doesn’t take long for big mouth Dorit to get all of the ladies involved. Dorit talks about Teddi as if Teddi is not sitting at the table and it’s super awkward. Rinna describes Teddi as being “in a pool of sharks and she’s like a baby dolphin.” Because this “issue” with Dorit occurred three months ago, LVP feels as if Teddi ignited an issue that could have been settled long ago.
Wait…let me get one thing clear. If Rinna is okay with all the sh*t Dorit said about her, then WHAT ARE WE FIGHTING ABOUT, LADIES?! They fight just to fight and the next thing I know, Erika enters the ring. Run, Teddi. You most certainly do not want to be on her bad side. The issues move so swiftly I feel like I’m getting whiplash trying to keep up. All I know is that when Teddi calls Erika out for agreeing with her during the LVP/Kyle fight (yea, exactly…that DID happen SO LONG ago), Erika states she simply does not remember saying anything. Teddi tells Erika she can go ahead and pretend it didn’t happen and THAT’S when the claws really come out. Erika snarls, “Don’t ever say that I’m pretending. Don’t f*ck with me like that. You don’t want that.” Who knew ‘pretend amnesia’ were fighting words?!
I gotta tell ya, I am loving chill Rinna. Homegirl is just sitting back watching the crazies come to town. Erika does not appreciate that Teddi tried to make her look like the bad guy anddd Teddi has had enough. She evidently pushes, but can’t handle the push back. Teddi walks off and is crying in a van with LVP and Dorit. Yes, the same Dorit who was screaming at Teddi just a few minutes earlier. “Say what you want about me, but I still have a heart.” Ah, Dorit..you softie!
Maybe Miss Crybaby, I mean Teddi, should see if Kyle can snag another “Hamilton” ticket for her. She has GOT to get out of there…and fast.
TELL US – WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE RHOBH RECAP & LATEST EPISODE?