Andddddddddd we’re back. Still in Mexico. Still fighting. Still being the Vanderpump Rules crew that we all know and love. Picking up right where the last episode left off, new found friends, Stassi and LaLa, continue their sh*t talking about Jax and his potential job opportunity. Kristen and Katie join the girls over at the bar. According to Stassi, Kristen is “next level toasty” (most likely due to the fact that she is 11 pounds soaking wet). Speaking of soaking wet, LaLa is “inducted” to the Witches “let’s get naked and swim club.”
Meanwhile, Jax, the boys, and of course Ariana, powwow to discuss Jax’s “opportunity.” Jax claims that this is a win-win scenario and shortly thereafter, an awkward dance party begins, with of course, a catwalk. LOL.
While trekking to the beach for a skinny dip, LaLa points out to Kristen: “You’re speaking real gibberish, ma.” I think it would be wise to make Kristen stay beach-bound for this adventure, but alas, when do these people ever make wise decisions? I’m still trying to figure out how skinny-dipping equates to “girl power,” but whatever it takes, ya’ll.
Back in West Hollywood, LVP pops around and winds up chatting with Billie Lee at the hostess stand. Bille Lee spills that Scheana tried to set Adam, the bar back, up with Brittany, the girlfriend of Jax. LVP suggests that Billie Lee remind Scheana to mind her own bees wax.
Post skinny dipping, LaLa sucks a “bubba” aka a baby bottle with warm milk and honey. And that is super weird. Meanwhile, Katie and Schwartzie share the grossest pizza moment at 4:32 am. I don’t know if I should cry or cringe or what. Stassi totally intrudes on this love fest to fill Katie and Schwartzie in on the wasted Kristen-roommate drama. We all know that the three of them spend an unhealthy amount of time together (see: honeymoon), so it’s not surprising that Stassi hunkers down and gets cozy with the pizza stained pillow.
Please note: these 30 something year-olds have to set an ALARM to go to a WATER PARK. Everyone kinda comes back to life…whilst Jax sits on the balcony and pontificates about life and his cool potential new job. Surprisingly, Jax opts to make the issues all about himself… (insert eye roll here) so he beats himself on the head with his “negativity rock.” Where’s Reiki Kelsey when ya need her, amiright?
The only one amped for the day’s activities is James Kennedy. But he is probably just trying to get air time. He is chugging his red drink as if he is a sorority girl on spring break. Instead of taking advantage of the water aspect of the park, the crew instead opts for the wildlife tour. Go figure. And Jax is borderline sh*tting his pants because he can’t swim…let’s not forget the BBM moment.
Kristen and Stassi. It’s only a matter of time before these two psychos lose their minds…and it doesn’t take long for it to boil over. Stassi and Kristen fight about “being outside the bubble” and Stassi has zero tolerance for Kristen’s actions. #goodtalk
The water park turns out to be quite entertaining, despite everyone having to wear a life jacket. Brittany eventually catches up with Jax to talk about the night before…cuz THIS is a good time to discuss life choices. Brittany explains that she is so happy for Jax and his opportunity, but she chooses her congratulations carefully as she does NOT want to move to Florida. Can you blame her?! I mean….LOOK at these friendships she has forged. We have Stassi and “terrorizing” Kristen. Scheana and her phone. James Kennedy and his intel. This guy is the WORST. James decides to see how far one can push Jax and boldly fills Jax in on Scheana’s newest attempt to sabotage his relationship with Brittany. Quick! Someone grab Jax’s negativity rock before it goes down!
I KNEW it couldn’t be an episode without Scheana mentioning the R word- you all know it…ROB. Whilst FaceTiming Rob, he acts super uninterested in the convo and cuts her off abruptly. Seems like a super healthy relationship to me.
While we are on the topic of health, Kristen explains her unhealthy treatments used to aid in her travel-anxiety. According to Kristen, “Traveling freaks my brain out.” But she doesn’t when she has boyfriend Carter with her. Let’s make a pact to never invite Kristen on a faraway trip again, deal?
ATTENTION: LVP IS COOKING. She’s basically like a real human…until you see the kitchen she is cooking in and then you’re just like nah. She’s still a queen. Ken gives zero f*cks about the gossip LVP is rambling on and on about and really couldn’t care less about any of the employees down in Mexico. “You’re cooking. I’m eating.” He’s like a little more chopping, Lisa…a little less chatting.
Before heading out for the night, Jax sits down to confront Brittany about the Scheana match-making situation. Jax becomes highly jealous upon hearing that Adam, the bar back, has a crush on Brittany and that Scheana attempted to set the duo up on a date. He also becomes frighteningly enraged by Scheana’s meddling.
WOAH. The SUR crew winds up at the SUR in Mexico. Mind. Blown. “We traveled this far and we are still back where we came from.” Let’s be real: they are all there because they know that LVP will pick up the bill. And if she doesn’t…you better believe Sandoval gives LVP a call to alert her of this event. Scheana starts up her “Rob and Scheana ride” and I seriously almost muted the segment because I literally cannot handle it anymore. TMR- too much Rob.
Jax and Sandoval excuse themselves to go to the bathroom together. Jax tells Sandoval about the Scheana drama. While the guys are NOT going to the bathroom, LaLa decides to tell the crew about James’s bullying experience because nothing screams dinner conversation like an extremely depressing story of James’s upbringing. But now James can be like- look at me now! I’m on Bravo, spinning and dancing (on Tuesdays).
Member when Jax said he was too old to party and rage? Well that went right out the window. Schwartzie is schwasted and everyone’s dancing…except for Sandoval. Sandoval confronts Scheana about the whole relationship sabotage thing. Suddenly, Jax slides in and lets Scheana have a piece of his mind. Any way you spin it, Scheana, it doesn’t look good. Especially your reasoning that you wanted to show Brittany that “there is a life possible without” Jax. What is with this group and timing? Does a loud club seem like the proper place to “get to the bottom” of this?! Jax states to Brittany that “if you wanted to leave me, you would have left me a long time ago.” That is terrible reasoning and makes him look like a total troll. But…I guess we all already knew that. All of us except for Brittany, that is.
Photo Credit: Instagram
TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THIS VANDERPUMP RULES EPISODE? DO YOU THINK JAMES IS KISSING UP TO JAX? IS LALA USING THE BABY BOTTLE WEIRD OR SUPER WEIRD?