Berlin, Germany: the scene of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ newest girl’s trip.
“The edgy city” looks more like the boring city to me. Kyle, Teddi, and Rinna test the poor waiter on how many variations of milk can be found in Germany with their ever obnoxious coffee and latte orders, while the other half of the group heads out to shop.
Dorit feels a “renewed sense of adventure” after tripping on medication the day before and let’s be honest, surviving that conundrum calls for some well-deserved shopping. Axel, the personal shopper, meets LVP, Erika, and Dorit to spend their money and pump the women full of champagne so they can buy more stuff. Duh. According to Dorit, buying things on a girls’ trip is like a “friendship bracelet.” A very, very expensive friendship bracelet. Poor Axel is legit sweating, but alas, the work was worth it, as the women drop about $3,000 each.
You guys: Teddi gets to be “in her element…around horses.” The crew rolls up to the picturesque German countryside to hop on some horses and strut around for the afternoon. Everyone’s a little nervous, but not Teddi or LVP. They look like pros….unlike Kyle– I’m allergic to horses so instead I will just ride a pony and hope that because it is a smaller version of a horse, a reaction will not happen- Richards. They trot around in a speed slower than a stoned turtle, but then Rinna’s horse breaks away causing Rinna to screech louder than usual.
Thankfully, Teddi, the horse whisperer, saves the day, but another dramatic event unfolds. Kyle is alas experiencing a severe allergic reaction to her pony. She’s taking a page from Dorit’s book and is asking strangers in the countryside for some medication and Kyle very dramatically sits way back in the van. She can, however, have a glass of champagne on the van ride back into the city. Must not be that bad of a reaction, huh Kyle?
Erika’s outfit for the evening is absolutely hilarious. Particularly because she is hosting a dinner party IN HER HOTEL ROOM. I mean, the presidential suite is way different than the hotel parties I used to attend in high school, but the general idea is the same. Show up dressed to kill. Drink. And then fights start. Yea. It’s just about the same thing.
Kyle is “high as a kite” on her allergy medicine and she is the smartest one in the group. There is a brief discussion about Kyle’s panic attacks and Rinna’s daughter Delilah’s agoraphobia, but then Dorit decides to make a very wise choice by picking a fight with the high, panic-attacked Kyle.
Dorit talks in circles and is just looking for a fight and all Kyle can say is quite honestly, “We are already past New York” and that drama. It’s not enough for Dorit to stir up the pot again, but LVP joins in on the action. LVP tries to clarify Dorit’s thoughts and angle, but the “petty bullsh*t” just snowballs, especially when Teddi tries to interject some #realtalk. “We’re gonna talk in circles!” LVP doesn’t like when someone isn’t on her side and therefore spits back, “Teddi, stop. This is different.”
I feel like this is Groundhog’s Day. Dorit is grasping at straws to stay relevant this season. She keeps bringing up past arguments, fights, issues, whatever you wanna call it so she has SOME sort of position on this show. Dorit jumps from subject to subject. As Erika likes to call it, “a big incestuous ball of fake news.” At the end of dinner, Dorit claims that “we are not fighting-we’ve cleared the air.” Like. What?!
The next day, Dorit is still thinking that she is fooling the world with her fake accent and hair (see: fresh bangs) and Erika phones Rinna to rally all the ladies together for an afternoon tour of Germany. So much for the whole gang going out- Kyle and LVP meet to work out their dramatic friendship, while Dorit, Teddi, Rinna, and Erika get together to sight-see.
Meanwhile, the jewel-toned frienemies meet in the town square to discuss, who else? Dorit. Kyle desperately tries to be the better best friend to LVP and the way that she is vying for LVP’s attention is cringe-worthy. Dorit has “reawakened the division in Vanderpump and Kyle’s friendship.” This is exhausting and ridiculous and I just wanna see what Erika is wearing for this excursion so can we PLEASE get back to the group?
Erika, channeling MC Hammer, “loves” this city and the gals do touristy things like take pictures in front of famous buildings and monuments. Kyle and LVP meet up with the rest of the ladies and it doesn’t take long for Dorit to cling onto LVP to find out what went down at her meeting with Kyle. GOD FORBID Kyle gets to spend more time with LVP than Dorit! Everything gets put into perspective when the ladies visit the Holocaust memorial. I am very impressed with Erika’s knowledge of the memorial. A fashion icon AND a historian? Man, this lady wears lotsa hats, and I don’t just mean skull, top, and baseball.
Luckily, the ladies are in it to win it for the night. Their moods are chipper, their outfits are on-point, and they’re ready for a beer and a pretzel. #Germany. Rinna and Kyle start dancing even before the beers are on the table. The girls are carbing up, having pretzels, and generally having a good time dancing with the Germans. Which is generally boring for us viewers. Hopefully next episode brings back some of that drama we all love and know so well.
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