Southern Charm Premiere Recap: The Break-Up Brunch Part 1

by Julia Comments

Southern Charm recap

New season, new parties, new love interests…(pretty much) same cast of crazies on Southern Charm.

There’s no time wasted getting into some drama as the season kicks off with Ashley, Thomas‘s new girlfriend, and Kathryn, Thomas ex-girlfriend and mother of his two kids, getting into it. “I want you to know, you’ve crossed the line. And as a mother, f— you,” yells Kathryn to Ashley, who then refers to Kathryn as nothing but a “baby mama” and an “egg donor.”  But, before we can even get our popcorn, Bravo rewinds to three months earlier! What a tease, that Bravo. 
Cameron. Super pregnant, but still super beautiful . God, I hate her. She’s prepping for the birth of her baby girl Palmer, but with just a few weeks to go, she’s absolutely over this whole pregnancy thing. Luckily, Shep comes to the rescue with some Chick-Fil-A. While stuffing their faces full of waffle fries, Shep fills Cam in on his “relationsheps.” She lays into him and lets him know that he isn’t that young and he better figure it out. Despite his New York fling, he is still a single 38 year old man. Oh, BTW. Today is Shep’s birthday. Some way to kick off the bday! Chick-Fil-A in bed and getting yelled at for being single…WOOOO.

Kathryn is in a new apartment where she has a room for her kids at “mommy’s house.” Take that, Thomas (her ex and baby daddy)! Kathryn gives her friend Danni a tour of her new crib and a tour of her new life. She explains that as part of her agreement with Thomas, she has to get blood drawn to prove she is drug-free.

While Kathryn is getting poked by needles, Thomas is living the life in his “kid friendly” house and is essentially raising the two kids. Thomas has a new nurse…fling…girlfriend…whatever you wanna call it. Her name is Ashley and she is a stunner and we all know Kathryn is NOT going to be into this new situation. Kathryn hasn’t met the new chick and only found out about the girlfriend from her three year old kid. Oooph.

Only Craig’s moving day outfit would be a pair of skinny jeans and a salmon polo shirt. He’s moving because he and Naomie have broken up—can’t say I didn’t see that coming. Last season she ripped him a new one, so now it’s a bachelor pad. Just Craig and his best friend, Sean. Roomies!

Naomie comes to see Chelsea at the salon and the girls catch up while Naomie gets her hair done. Turns out, both ladies are now single and Chelsea is amped up for a new wingwoman. She also shares that the whole Austen “thing” is a thing of the past because he still acts like a frat boy. Ouch.

“At the moment,” Austen is “unemployed.” Really, it’s just a free pass for Austen to lounge around and drink way too much, which means Shep is his new BFF. Dudes that do nothing together, stick together. To celebrate Shep’s birthday, Austen invites him out to a bar and the two hang whilst throwing back some beers. It seems as though Austen is still a little butt hurt about the Chelsea thing…especially since when he did find a new girl, it turns out the girl is one of Chelsea’s besties. #awkward.

Whitney’s in the house, ya’ll! Loving his Adidas original warm up jacket despite the fact that he is 98 years old. Always on trend. Shep is doing his birthday rounds on his birthday and now finds himself across the table from Whitney, who shares that his mother has a gentleman caller. This guy gave his mom one helluva rock and clearly this woman has some GREAT taste. Later, Whitney suggests Shep does “the adult thing” and host a grown up birthday party at his house. Things get weird when they talk about Craig, as Shep and Craig haven’t had the smoothest path. However, Craig answers Shep’s call and alas, he WILL help plan and cook for the party.

JD, Thomas’s buddy, is staying in his guest house…the house he lived in before he lived with his wife, Elizabeth. It turns out that Elizabeth and JD have been separated for “a couple months” now and JD blames this on stress. Seems to me that Elizabeth is quite concerned about other thing$$$$$$$. JD and Elizabeth are no longer wearing their rings and we all know that’s a true sign that there is trouble in paradise.

Shep is STILL making his rounds. This time, it’s with Craig. They meal plan for the party and Shep delivers the awkward news that Naomie, Craig’s ex, will be at this rager. Craig pretends to be cool about the whole thing, but you know he’s freaking out inside.

Does Shep ever NOT have a drink in hand? He puts the Jersey Shore crew to shame. The guy can party. Even the day OF his party, BEFORE his party even starts Shep’s already boozing. Leave it to Craig to EMBROIDER matching aprons for himself and Shep because that’s a totally normal dude-like thing to do. Craig is a man of many talents, but barbecuing doesn’t seem like his strong point. It’s a good thing he has an embroidered apron on…the man LOOKS good though.

I think Craig’s just getting nervous about the impending Naomie meeting. All the ladies gather pre-Shep’s at Naomie’s new beautiful house and it’s official, Naomie, Kathryn, Danni, and Chelsea are alllllllllll single. So far this season, it seems very much girls vs. boys. It’s like a seventh grade dance.

Everyone is completely separated and the women seem like they are all banding together.#girlpower

Over at the Ravenel residence, Ashley, Thomas’s new girlfriend, is getting “anxious” about meeting Kathryn. Not as anxious as Shep is about hosting his first party. Grill-master Craig is being dramatic about everything and I just cannot wait to see what happens when he comes in contact with Naomie. “He’s fragile.”

It’s like D Day. Everyone’s dancing around break ups and new relationships and the girls are fired up and ready to go. Kathryn is the absolute craziest of the bunch and she will totally lose her mind on this full moon once she gets a load of Thomas’s girlfriend’s shorts, or lack thereof. The tension is building and something tells me Shep is gonna wish he didn’t hold an “adult party” cuz ain’t nobody is gonna be acting like an adult…