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Teen Mom 2 Premiere Recap: Not to Stir the Pot, But…

Teen Mom 2 Recap Kailyn and Briana

New relationships. New babies. New drama. Same mamas. This season of Teen Mom 2 is going to be one for the books.

Briana

Despite any flirtation on the inter-web, Briana vehemently denies any type of relationship with Kail’s ex, Javi. The two seem to be growing closer and closer, but right now, Bri’s not concerned about relationship potential. She is instead focusing on being in LA for the VMA’s with her sister. Can we please discuss Briana’s sister, Brittany? She is an absolute maniac and I would honestly be so happy if she got her own spin-off show (with Barb, Jenelle’s mom, of course). Turns out, Leah is also attending the VMA’s and so Bri and her fabulous sister decide to get ready for the event together. Let’s hope Leah brings her lipstick from her lipstick line last season!!

As the hair and make-up teams roll into Leah’s room, we are treated to this awkward get ready sesh as Briana doesn’t really know Leah. Briana is making “baby daddy” small talk and shares that her first baby daddy is “unstable and unreliable.” Bri also makes the mistake of telling Leah she is “close with Javi” and you can see Leah perk up to hear the details.

Briana states, “Listen, Javi is coming down to Orlando. He’s gonna stay with us at the same hotel and resort and we’re just gonna hang out with the kids. We’re just friends…so I think.” You can tell Leah is super uncomfortable hearing this information cuz she knows that Kailyn will actually kill Briana. Have you ever seen an angry Kail? Yea. Briana better run. Fast.

The girls are finally dressed and ready to roll out. Leah looks like a broke-a*s country singer and Bri looks like she is looking to have baby number 3 tonight. She FaceTimes Javi, her “friend,” and Leah looks on, taking it all in like a sponge. You know she is counting down the minutes til she can fill Kail in.

Post VMA’s and back in Florida, Javi and Bri FaceTime and it’s becoming more and more clear that Javi is desperately trying to remain relevant and on the show, even if it means he has start a relationship with another Teen Mom.

Later, Javi comes to Florida with Isaac and Lincoln and has a nice family dinner with Briana, her sis, Brittany, her mom, and Bri’s kids. Javi explains to Bri’s mom that he is trying to live his life stress-free, so the wise choice would be to begin a relationship with a fellow Teen Mom cast member. SIKE. It comes out at dinner that “Leah told everyone that we were sharing a room together” and Bri gets stressed. Javi offers advice about being on the show with these girls and tells Bri to not get upset. Thanks, Javi. You should know, you seasoned veteran, you!

Leah

Home from LA, Leah decides the right thing to do is to call Kail (“girl code”) and fill her in on the Bri/Javi situation. As Leah preps to talk to Kail, Addie, one of her three daughters, hangs on her and shrieks for attention. However, Leah only has one thing on her mind and that’s to talk to Kailyn about the news she heard while at the VMA’s. Leah explains to Kail that she didn’t mean to freak her out, but proceeds to give her all the details about Javi’s Floridian escapade with Briana. Kailyn is salty AF and aggravated that Javi chose to leave out that bit of information when he proposed the Orlando trip to Kail. Dirtyyyyy. Way to stir that pot, Leah. Saint Leah feels much better now that she got that information off of her chest…I personally think she feels like her life will be spared from Kail’s rage, so there’s that, too.

Kailyn

Kail is now a momma of three: Isaac, Lincoln, and nameless baby #3. Like, what? I thought you weren’t even able to leave the hospital if you didn’t have a name for your kid. How is this real life? Kail shares that her “baby daddy” Chris is “good”- aka they aren’t really speaking. Glad to see she has grown up and figured out how to have healthy relationships with the men of her past.

Later, over some nachos, one of Kail’s many friends wants to hear how things are going with Kailyn and all of her exes. Kail shares that Javi is taking the boys to Orlando and at the mention of his name, Kail’s friend asks about Javi and Briana cuz she’s seen some online flirtation between them. “When the cameras come in, ya better watch out. Nice Javi is coming in…and he’s coming in hot.”

“I finally filed papers for the baby’s name and I can’t wait to announce it.” Turns out the kid’s name is….LUX. It seems as if Lincoln and I equally dislike the kid’s name, but who are we??

Meanwhile in NYC, Javi is pumped to be going out in the city with his dudes. Javi fills his buddy in about his life and girls and when Briana comes up in conversation, Javi simply says, “Me and Briana we cool… we flirt.” Javi claims that he has good “chemistry” with Briana and hasn’t “crossed that line yet.” I think this is an absolutely horrible idea, but Javi doesn’t seem to care. I mean, there are approximately 146189563296 people in the world and Javi has to pick BRIANA.

I love that Jo and Kailyn are in a good place now. Jo was always one of my favorite baby daddies on the show, as it is clear he has his son’s best interest in mind. Kail shares the Bri/Javi news with Jo, as he should know considering Isaac is going to Florida with Javi and Briana will apparently be there, too.

Kail explains, “When I called to ask him, he told me it was none of my f*cking business.” Jo realizes how weird this whole scenario is and can’t understand why Javi is being so shady. “Based on what I saw about her on TV, she’s just so messy.” Woah, woah, woah, Kail. Don’t go talking about messiness.

Later, Kail gets to talk to her boys while they are in Florida on vaca. And Isaac blows up Javi’s spot. “Who are you talking to?” “Nova.” That’s Briana’s kid. Can’t wait to see Kail’s reaction when Javi comes home…

Jenelle

“Married life has been great.” She’s got quads, a house in the middle of nowhere, and a borderline insane new husband who also has a child from another woman. What else could a girl want? According to Jenelle, certainly not a relationship with her mom, Barb. Jenelle STILL does not talk to her mom, Barb, and her ex, Nathan is causing a world of trouble for Jenelle. Nathan’s mom tried to file “emergency custody” on Jenelle and claims that Kaiser, the son she has with Nathan, has “bruises” from Jenelle’s house. Dang. This girl’s life is crazy. How does one human create so much drama?! If she’s not fighting with her own mother, she is battling with past baby-daddies and fighting for her “happy ending” with her new hubby David.

Nathan! It’s been too long! I am happy to see he still doesn’t wear shirts with sleeves and that despite his pending charges, he is still able to work out and hang with his buds at the basketball court. Nathan says, “I’ve been seeing a girl who lives in Florida” and if we find out later that this girl is Briana, I will actually lose my mind. He also fills his friends in on the newest Jenelle drama. He claims that Kaiser told him, “David punched him one time,” and so his mom will fight for custody of Kaiser…cuz ya know #pendingcharges.

While out by the “inground pool,” David and Jenelle see some article about Nathan’s mom. Jenelle and David feel like Barb is behind everything and that it’s her revenge for not being invited to the wedding.

Meanwhile, BARB IS BACK, ya’ll! “Jenelle is blasting me out saying that I was in cahoots with Nathan’s mom.” Barb is frustrated because Jenelle always defends the men she is with. Barb is “sick and tired and sick and tired and sick and tired” of all these lies. She is furious that once again, Jenelle is putting a guy before her own children—a repeated lapse of judgment we have seen season after season.

Later, Jenelle is an absolute mess because Barb sold a story to Radar online. This story talks about how David spanks Kaiser when he poops in his diaper and thus backs up the newest charge against Jenelle and her husband. David has no idea this is happening because he is “out there working on the land with his dad” and Jenelle is incredibly nervous to tell him. I mean, you guys don’t play the “Do you want me to punch you in the nose” game with your kids?? Yea. I didn’t think so either. Jenelle is finding it hard to cope with all of the pressure and is experiencing night terrors because of it all. When will she learn?

Chelsea

Sigh. Why is Cole such a dream boat? How amazing is he with Aubree? How awesome is it that Aubree is hyphenating her last name so she matches her mom and Cole? Aubree really wants to make this important move, but shares that she has yet to tell her dad. Let’s be honest, Adam (her dad) is probably not listening to Aubree anyway…

Ah, Randy. Any time he makes a debut on the show, I feel like it’s a reunion with an old friend. He always listens to his daughter and has been there with her since day one. Randy follows along closely as Chelsea explain the last name change and child support woes. Chelsea states that Adam wants his past child support dues excused and THEN Chelsea can hyphenate Aubree’s last name. Uh..this isn’t “Let’s Make a Deal!”

Andddd Adam’s back in trouble again. I feel like we are watching reruns from previous seasons of this show. Adam got arrested for domestic assault and Chelsea shares that as per a restraining order from another ex, Adam’s drug usage is getting worse. The real issue is what to do about Aubree’s visitation schedule. Chelsea better figure that out…and fast.

TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THE TEEN MOM 2 PREMIERE?

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