Every relationship is different… as highlighted on this episode of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 days. One thing is clear, though…all of these people are SLIGHTLY off their rockers.
Darcey & Jesse:
After having an utter meltdown over slicing a steak, Jesse storms out of Darcey’s AirBnB, leaving Darcey and her daughters questioning the whole thing. Jesse claims that Darcey “ruins everything” and Darcey’s daughters are behaving more like the adults in the situation. Jesse fumes on the porch until a daughter invites the child…ehh Jesse… in. When Jesse comes in contact with Darcey he states, “Honey, I don’t want to talk to you. I’m just here for the kids.” Because that’s not awkward… He swats Darcey away and the family bonding spirals out of control.
Darcey’s daughters state that “it was kind of out of hand” and annoying to watch Jesse and Darcey fight. The bickering back and forth is beyond uncomfortable. Maybe THIS time Darcey will realize that her 24 year old boy toy is not quite daddy material. Things have only gotten worse post steak dinner. The next day, new problems unfold. Evidently, Darcey was “stepping” on Jesse’s shoes (insert eye roll) and therefore, Darcey “grabs her Louboutins and throws them at” Jesse. Jesse states “that’s like assault.” Jesse threatens to call the police because he feels “not safe anymore.” He packs up his belongings and relocates to the front lawn before it “escalates, man.”
Darcey ugly cries and claims that Jesse is a “scary man to be around sometimes.” She believes that she is simply trying to defend herself. In the meantime, Jesse tells the producers that he cannot be with a girlfriend who “assaults him” and asks for security to follow him, as he feels frightened that Darcey’s Louboutin could blind him next time. Drama! “My heart says ‘be there for here.’” Despite the potentially “dangerous” setting Jesse though he was in, he decided to return back to Darcey.
Later, the couple sits down for an interview and the battle continues. When Darcey explains that she is tired of “his mind games,” Jesse tells her to break up with him then. Darcey further states that her gut says “walk away.” A-MEN. Jesse claims that he is hurt because Darcey is “deceptive” and to be honest, I don’t know who I believe. Jesse cries tears, calls Darcey a “sad girl,” and packs up, round II. He wants to go to a hotel and tells Darcey to “keep drinking away your problems.” This insinuates that Darcey has a drinking problem and Jesse does a stellar job of manipulating the entire situation. An hour later, Jesse is checked into a hotel and Darcey vacates the AirBnB to head back to her daughters. Is it the end for them?
Angela & Michael:
Over in Nigeria, Michael leads Angela to a romantical restaurant tucked away from the rest of the population. The couple has only one more week together before Ang heads back to the states. Over some cow legs and hooves, Angela discusses the age difference with Michael. She breaks it down and does the math for Michael, but the reality is that Angela is just super concerned if Michael “will wipe” her “butt” as she ages. Michael doesn’t seem worried about wiping butts, but he IS concerned about having his own kids to carry on his name. Understandable. Angela scoffs at this and tries to explain that “artificial sermination” is a lot of money. Never heard of that technique, but it must be rare, hence the high price tag. Angela tries to brush off the baby talk and instead chooses to focus on the important things as she asks Michael, “Can you hurry up so we can go have sex?” Classy.
The next day, Michael takes Angela to a rural village. Angela says that the area is “very peaceful,” but the townspeople stand staring at blonde Angela and the camera crew she brings in tow. Angela wants to “make sure there are no secrets” in their relationship and questions Michael’s Instagram account. There are “a thousand f*cking broads” that Michael follows and Angela cannot seem to wrap her mind around how Instagram works. Angela shows her age by her confusion with “social media” and she really demonstrates a lack in self confidence throughout this confrontation.
Back at the hotel, Angela has a sit down call with her daughter, Scottie. Angela comes clean about the relationship and explains that she is “trying to make excuses” for Michael’s social media behavior. Scottie jumps right in and questions Michael’s intentions. She fears he may be scamming other women, but Angela is not having it. She is a lady in love and nothing her daughter says can sway her opinion of Michael. Scottie tries one more time: “Mama, you think for one minute that if you were a 52 year old Nigerian woman Michael would still wanna marry you?” Angela “doesn’t feel good” about all of these “trust issues” and she is left scratching her head about Michael.
Tarik & Hazel:
Ever try to chase after a lady through the streets of the Philippines? Tarik has. Hazel couldn’t handle Tarik’s brother’s interrogation and ran away from Tarik. She has left Tarik knocking to enter HIS hotel room (this is kind of an Anfisa move!) and when she does grant him entrance, Hazel clearly does not want to talk to Tarik. She avoids his touch and his questions and the couple heads to sleep…with the pillows separating them in bed, of course.
The next morning, Tarik decides to become a detective. Hazel asks if everything is ok, but Tarik has some lingering fears about Hazel’s ex. Hazel comes clean to Tarik and tells him that “I messaged” her ex because she wanted “to get back her bed and her wardrobe.” Ohhhh. Well THAT makes total sense. When a producer asks Hazel if she will stop contacting her ex, Hazel states “maybe” because she really needs “the money” that her ex promised to return to her. #priorities.
Tarik has requested to meet with his brother Dean again and to try and patch up the relationship between Hazel and Dean. On the way to the meet-up, Hazel stops for a quick balut: a developing bird embryo boiled and eaten from the shell (thanks, Google!). Tarik is beyond grossed out by Hazel’s recommendation to simply add some salt and vinegar to the tasty treat. Tarik’s reaction to the snack causes Hazel to tell Tarik, “You’re so dramatic.” Hazel is so embarrassed by Tarik’s behavior and she looks beyond. In the meantime, Hazel knows that she has to win over Dean because he is the only one who is on to her true intentions. Dean claims that he is “not the bad guy,” but that he is being smart when it comes to Hazel. Dean begins asking about the relationship “in the bedroom” and it’s a little icky for him to pry about this information. Tarik believes he is doing the best thing by leaving his brother in Manila to fend for himself while Tarik and Hazel head off to a romantic island getaway.
Rachel & Jon:
Jon’s rocking the baby Bjorn like nobody’s business and jumps right into the daddy role for Rachel’s daughter, Lucy. The three of them traipse around the English countryside and talk about Rachel’s upcoming departure. Because Rachel has another daughter back in the states and because of Jon’s criminal record, the couple just can’t seem to be together. “I’d give up everything to be with you,” says Jon. Jon does his best to quiet Rachel’s fears about the difficulties that lie ahead for the couple, but this time his dumb smile isn’t quite cutting the reality that has set in.
Over some coffee at a café, Rachel suggests that Jon FaceTime with Rachel’s dad. Her dad is rather concerned about Jon’s criminal record (rightly so), but Rachel seems to feel like it’s a good idea for Jon to explain the issues for himself. Rachel’s dad and Jon have a ridiculously awkward convo about Jon’s anger and his record, but it seems like Jon did a good job of showing his good side. In the end, her dad approves of Jon and things are looking up for the couple.
With only a few days left in England, Jon takes Rachel on a lovely drive out in the mountains. They wind up at King Arthur’s castle and Jon gives his lady a history lesson about the area. He is baby Bjorning it yet again and the couple runs around taking videos and laughing. I am not the least bit surprised when Jon brings her to the highest point and drops down on one knee. He tells Rachel that he wants to be her husband and it’s a bit strange as he doesn’t exactly ask her a question and the strangeness continues when Rachel cries “yes” and then it’s just one big crying kissing fest. The baby is crying and Rachel behaves rather calm. All a bit weird, but hey, congrats, ya’ll!
Ricky & Ximena:
So Ricky has decided to stick it out in Colombia…but he’s not alone. He is with a different lady…not the one he came to Colombian for. Now he is with Ximena and he seems to be digging his time with her. “We were up pretty late and even though I just met her for the first time, the chemistry was instantaneous and real.” Ricky has totally bounced back from his epic relationship failure with Melissa. HOWEVER, his back up chick Ximena jumped right in to save the day. Excepppptttt, Ximena has NO idea she is second choice. But it’s going to come out eventually. I mean, Ricky has already slipped up. “I accidentally called Ximena ‘Melissa.’” In the heat of the moment. WOOPS. Ricky is “feeling like crap” because he called his 2nd string lady the wrong name, but takes his sweet old time letting the truth come out. Ricky has no problem letting Ximena know he thinks she is mother material, but can’t quite spill about his initial Colombian plan.
Seems like Ximena and Ricky are hitting it off and after spending five days together, Ricky believes that he is falling in love with her. Ricky wants to make sure Ximena is with him for the right reasons because as it turns out….Ricky has been sending Ximena MONEY…between $1,000 .00 to $1,500.00 while he was in America. WHAT. HOW. THIS IS BANANAS. Ricky claims he did this because Ximena fell on tough times, but he has found out that Ximena got a nose job with the money. WHAT. HOW. THIS IS BANANAS. Later, Ricky has a sit-down with Ximena and lets her know that he hopes she is not with him solely because of money. Ximena does not take it well, especially when Ricky brings up the nose job. She over explains her story and lets Ricky know that she spent the money he sent on familial trips and such. Riiiiight. I love how Ricky grills Ximena about her “honesty,” yet Ricky is not being honest with Ximena about Melissa.
When I think of Ricky, I see a desperate middle-aged man. He claims he needs the relationship built on honesty, but it takes him far too long to bring up HIS truth. After a mojito, Ricky “backtracks” and gets to “la verdad.” Except he doesn’t share THAT truth. He couldn’t do it. Instead he makes up some bs about his ex calling him regarding his daughter and I wish I could throw tomatoes at the guy. He swears he will tell Ximena the REAL “verdad” tomorrow, but I am not holding my breath.
Paul & Karine:
Can’t we all ban together and petition to get these two kicked off the show? Blah. It’s always something with Paul and Karine. Paul is worried, yet again, that Karine wants to postpone the wedding, yet again because Karine is claiming to be sick and doesn’t want Paul anywhere near her. With the wedding right around the corner, Paul is sweating.
The day of the wedding finally arrives and Karine’s saying that she is feeling better. Someone better tell Paul that he needs to tuck his shirt in. Sheesh. As Karine gets ready for the big day, she explains that their relationship has had a lot of ups and downs and you can see how nervous she really is. Speaking of nervous, Karine’s mom does her best to hold back tears. Paul claims he is “as ready” as he will ever be, but he hopes he doesn’t have “anxiety or a panic attack during the ceremony.” You and me both, Paul. Side note: Glad to see Karine’s dad dressed up for the big event.
The under-dressed crowd is waiting on Karine and after thirty minutes, everyone begins to get concerned about the missing bride. After what feels like forever, Karine finally makes her grand entrance down the “aisle.” She has decided to marry Paul, after all. Don’t worry, guys. The translator is there every step of the ceremony because the couple has STILL not made the language barrier a priority. Paul cries like a baby because I am pretty sure he can’t get over the fact that someone wants to marry his crazy a*s and Karine sort of looks like she is in a state of shock. Before you know it, they are husband and wife and are celebrating their marriage on a boat. Nothing quite like a boat in the middle of mosquito country. Very romantic!
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