90 Day Fiance Premiere Recap: The Clock is Tickin’

by Julia Comments

90 Day Fiance premiere recap Ashley

Six new couples. Six new stories. An all new 90 Day Fiancé coming at ya!

Ashley & Jay:

We are kicking off this season with Ashley, a 31 year old from Pennsylvania. She’s a busy single mom and bartender, who also enjoys a good self-defense class in her very limited free time. Because she has been engaged twice before, she began to grow wary of love…that is until she went to Jamaica. Whilst attending a wedding in Jamaica, Ashley met Jay. “He’s only 20 years old…but he’s very mature for his age.” Right. When Ashley came back to America, Jay reconnected with her via social media and after six months of talking, Ashley went back to Jamaica. After spending only 8 days together, Jay proposed to Ashley. (That will be 3 engagements for Ashley now.) Despite him being much younger than her, Ashley is head over heels in love with Jay and Ashley is heading back (yet again) to help Jay sort out the visa information.

Before she heads back to her boo, we get to meet Ashley’s BFF, Natalie. I always love a good best friend segment because they know how to tell their buddies they are insane for even entertaining the idea of marrying their foreign significant other. Natalie has doubts about her friend’s relationship, but Ashley seems gaga for Jay. Natalie claims that she heard Jay say he had “sex with two other women” and suddenly we are in a he said/she said battle of the truth. Ashley explains, “Maybe I don’t care what Jay does when I’m not over there.” Um, that’s baffling. Evidently, the old saying goes, “What happens in Jamaica stays in Jamaica,” or something like that. Holy red flag, Ashley.
Ashley is off to Jamaica! She’s heading out to be there during their final step of the K1 Visa process.

While she’s in the air, we get a taste of Jay’s life in Jamaica. “Everyone in Jamaica know me cuz I’m a tattoo artist.” According to him, “the vibration of the tattoo” turns women on and Jay goes on to share, “I lost my virginity when I was 8 years old. Everything was wild for me.” He further states that he had a girlfriend from Florida who sent him money and divulges that “It was actually my father’s woman, but I took her away.” How gross. And yet, this dude is trying to claim that everything’s different with Ashley. Hmmmm. Jay’s mother is actually in the US already, so he lives with his sister, Poochie, who is 8 months pregnant. Poochie is not too happy about her brother leaving and is concerned about Natalie, Ashley’s friend, lying about Jay’s past. Poochie warns Jay to be careful around other women because he has a bad track record of cheating. Jay states, “I’m a lover, not a cheater,” but he looks like a total slimeball.

Colt & Larissa:

90 Day Fiance premiere recap Colt

Over in Vegas, we are introduced to 33 year old Colt. Colt lives with his three cats…….and his mother, Debbie. Debbie is essentially Colt’s nanny- she cooks for him and cleans for him. Colt is a self-professed “momma’s boy” and he has been living with his mom since he “was born.” Colt appears to be an “introvert” who “enjoys fixing things” in his spare time, but Colt is actually lucky in love.

Enter Larissa. She is from Brazil and is a hottie. The couple decided to meet up in Mexico for their first “date” and ever since that trip, they became official. So official, that after only five days together, Colt proposed to Larissa. Colt thinks that Larissa was just looking for someone a little geeky and maybe she was looking for something a “little adventurous.” Yup, Colt. You’d be considered the adventurous type FOR SURE. Is anyone else gagging as Colt lovingly calls Larissa “darling?” Fingers crossed that the visa arrives in time for Larissa’s flight to the US, but it doesn’t look so great for the couple. Larissa is p*ssed that Colt is so matter-of-fact about the trip getting delayed, but Colt is trying to be logical. Total buzzkill.

“Aside from my mother, I have a cousin that lives nearby.” So Colt DOES get out of the house sometimes. He walks around a whole block to visit John and Leah where he catches up in their backyard. Leah, and her flower crown, and Colt’s cousin, John, worry about Larissa’s intentions. They are having trouble figuring out this relationship and John throws out the only possible reason Larissa could be interested in Colt: “He might have a 12 inch penis. You don’t know!” John asks, “What makes you think Larissa is your one true infinite love?” and Colt states that he believes every word that Larissa says.

Because Colt has had to reschedule Larissa’s flight, Larissa seems a bit upset. She calls all smiles to tell Colt she got her Visa, but her smile quickly becomes a frown upon hearing that Colt purchased her a ticket for two weeks from now. Larissa is angry and let down that her sugar daddy, I mean Colt, made a decision by himself. Colt tries to explain to Larissa that “we don’t all live in golden palaces and drive rocket cars! Why would I jeopardize our first month together because you want to rush things?!” Larissa tries to brainwash him to hurry up the process because she “loves” him, but Colt is putting his foot down in this situation.

Jonathan & Fernanda:

90 Day Fiance premiere recap Jonathan

Jonathan is a “workaholic,” a gym lover, and a real estate broker from North Carolina. He is a “very independent person,” but is over the bachelor life cuz now he’s a grown up. Duh. Jonathan went to Mexico with his buddy and his life changed completely. That’s because on that trip, he met Fernanda. Jonathan describes Fernanda as follows: “She has great curves. Her stomach is tight. She has a nice butt.” So romantic. Jonathan states that the night he met Fernanda, “everything stopped.” He switched his flight and fell in love with her hard. The age difference is about 12 years, which could be questionable because she is a young girl who did not fully live out her youth the way Jonathan did. Because of this, Jonathan locked Fernanda up after 3 months and she said yes to his proposal. Their visa got approved and it’s time for Fernanda to come back to the USA. I mean, she’s no dopey 19 year old. Jonathan sends her money, bought her a jeep, andddd even got her some “boobies.” Fernanda sees dollar signs every time she talks to her fiancé.

Before his Mexican pick-up, Jonathan heads out for a quick meet-up with his friend, Dani. It turns out that Dani is a girl and looks as jealous as can be upon seeing Jonathan rocking his engagement ring from Fernanda. You heard me. Fernanda got him a ring to wear, too. Dani questions Jonathan’s relationship and seems sad to lose her only other single friend. His friend continues to pry and reminds Jonathan that Fernanda is only 19! That’s so young! She can’t even drink at their wedding, but Jonathan doesn’t falter. He wants to be sure to make these 90 days go smoothly.
“Today is my last day of bachelorhood. It’s a big change.” Yes, but not as big as the change 19 year old Fernanda is about to experience since coming to America. She’s excited and happy to be with Jonathan because “it’s so handsome.” Despite leaving everything in Mexico, Fernanda is pumped to see what else Jonathan bought for her.
Things are really looking good for Jonathan…he’s brought Fernanda here…there’s no power and no bed on their first night together. Perhaps this is foreshadowing for the rest of their relationship. As if things couldn’t get any worse, Fernanda finds a pair of women’s underwear in Jonathan’s drawer. Jonathan claims that the underwear is from an “ex girlfriend from years ago” which makes things even worse. Like, why are you still holding onto to women’s UNDERWEAR? Way to clean prior to Fernanda’s arrival, dumb a*s. Day one and done. Only 89 more days to go, Fernanda!

Kalani & Asuelu:

90 Day Fiance premiere recap Kalani Baby

In California, we meet Kalani, a single mom to Oliver. Kalani explains how difficult it is to be a single mom, but she has a very supportive Mormon family. Her father is very strict and dating has been up and down for Kalani. She explains, “In the past, I kind of had a thing for older white guys” but her fiancé “is the complete opposite of that.” Asuelu is from a small fishing village in San Juan. Kalani said that he “semi-stalked” her around the resort she was staying in, but it was “kinda cute.” After her second visit to see Asuelu, Kalani lost her virginity to him andddddd became pregnant. That must’ve been a hell of a shock for her Mormon dad. The couple has decided to start the K1 Visa process and with just a few days before Asuelo arrives, Kalani’s life is super hectic. Kalani’s dad is not helping the situation at all. He doesn’t even “know the man’s name” and looks less than pleased with their relationship. Kalani’s dad just wants to be sure Asuelu is a good person for her daughter and his grandson.

Asuelu arrives tomorrow and many of Kalani’s family members are still on the fence about Kalani’s relationship. Kalani lived with her sister for 5 years, but because her sister hates Asuelu, Kalani has rented out an Air BnB for Asuelu’s stay. Kalani’s trying to set the record straight with her sister Lini prior to Asuelu’s arrival to the US. It turns out that when Asuelu and Kalani were on a break, Asuelu slept with another girl. An angry and embarrassed Kalani LIED and told her sister that Asuelu cheated on her WHILE they were dating. Since then, Lini has hated him. Kalani really wants to explain that she may have blown the whole situation out of proportion, but it seems like it’s too late to come back. The sisters meet and have an emotional discussion about Asuelu’s visit and Kalani does her best to clarify the “cheating” situation. It doesn’t do much to help her relationship with her sister and Kalani seems more upset than she was before the talk. Lini explains, “Honestly after tonight I still feel confused.” Yea. I would be, too. Your sister made up a whole cheating situation and a guy named Asuelu is coming in between your sisterhood.

Eric & Leida:

Eric’s a 41 year old dad from Wisconsin who was divorced in 2016. He has dated several women here in America and that didn’t work out, but instead of “heading to Turkey or Syria to fight Isis,” he posted an ad on an “international website.” Eric asked for a woman to come to the United States and the first to response was Leida, a teacher from Indonesia. Leida sounded too good to be true on paper, but after a few Google searches, Eric began to believe her. After a bit, Eric flew to Indonesia to meet her. They spent two days together and then Eric proposed to the MUCH younger lady…so much younger that she is closer in age to his daughter. Ooph. It appears as though they are keeping everything familial. Leida has a five year old son who she will be bringing to America. Eric is sweating just a bit, though, because Leida is from a wealthy family and lives a luxurious lifestyle. Seems to me that the US Leida is thinking of is not the little messy apartment Eric lives in.

Eric’s getting more and more nervous about his living situation here in America. “My apartment’s pretty small and my 19 year old daughter, Tasha, splits the rent with me.” He has decided to kick his daughter out because Leida and her son will be here shortly from Indonesia. His daughter Tasha is displeased about the current situation and explains that the whole apartment thing is “not exactly her problem.” Tasha is dragging her feet when it comes to finding a new place to live, but Eric is doing his best to make everything work out.

Later, Eric meets up with his ex-wife, oldest daughter, and youngest daughter to fill them in on his fiance’s arrival to Wisconsin. His ex-wife, Tanya, seems pretty cool, especially while discussing Eric’s love life, but becomes shocked to hear that Leida and her son will be here on Tuesday. Eric’s oldest daughter thinks it’s “weird” that Leida is close to her age and his ex-wife asks to hear more information about this woman who is coming to marry him. His ex tries to figure out why Eric is not going over to Indonesia if Leida comes from such a wealthy lifestyle and Eric’s daughter retorts, “He’s a patriot. He’s not going anywhere.” Tanya explains that “I am the ex-wife, not the enemy,” and then Eric shoots himself in the foot when he says Leida “has issue with the fact” that Eric has to pay child support. Well, that’s not gonna help bond these women together, now is it, Eric?