Thank heaven — it’s the day of Teddi’s retreat. Soon enough, this will all be history, until the next time someone undoubtedly brings it up again. Kyle, her bangs, Sutton, and Erika are on their way to support Teddi. Sutton wrote a novel of an apology-text to Teddi and she is swearing that she is going to be well-behaved throughout. Just as they pull up to the event, Sutton gets teary and claims she is scared of Teddi…and, to be honest, it looks like she is saying prayers before hopping out of the car.
Teddi greets the ladies and then it’s off to the races. The morning kicks off with some boxing and Sutton has no idea what she is doing. I cringed the whole time she “exercised.” I have NO idea how she manages to maintain those skinny a*s legs based on the way she hit that punching bag…
Dorit rolls up, late, naturally, looking all dolled up with NO intention of working out. Smart girl. You can tell Kyle is p*ssed that her bangs are now sweaty and Dorit looks glamorous. Teddi blames her lashing out at the ladies on being on the defense. Teddi is being EXTRA AF right now. She is taking everything that everyone says personally, including Dorit stating she came only to support Teddi. I can’t keep up.
BTW, what is Teddi doing following this group around? Doesn’t she have a boatload of paying guests that she should be entertaining? When Sutton apologizes, I think we are clearly out of the drama, but it turns out that now Dorit is hurt. Why are these ladies so sensitive?
Dorit threatens that she may leave early and you can tell that the tension is brewing. I think it’s just that Dorit doesn’t wanna meditate. I gotta say, for a wellness retreat, all I see Dorit doing is eating. Kinda proud of her.
Of course Kyle sticks up for her girl Teddi. She tells Dorit she cannot leave early if she came late, but Dorit doesn’t wanna hear it. Kyle is miffed that Dorit most likely was tardy because she was busy getting glammed up. I am not sure how any of this is relevant to Kyle’s argument, but alas, jealousy over a good outfit and makeup job can make any woman see red, amiright?
When Dorit yells that she has a life, Kyle basically loses it. The duo goes back and forth and the juxtaposition of the ladies fighting whilst the meditation goes on is hilarious. I love how Erika straight up says they all should just admit that no one wants to be there. Amen.
Denise joins the ladies at the retreat just in time for dinner and she looks like a drunk Barbie. Her makeup is all over the place and I am hoping that it’s just because she put it on in the car. When Denise asks the ladies if they have had fun, it explodes. Dorit goes on the defensive and feels attacked by Kyle. She hates that Kyle is making her FEEL like she is a selfish diva, but the answer is, yes…you are one, Dorit.
Meanwhile, Rinna and her daughter, Amelia, go out for a juice and A cookie. That they are sharing. Amelia discusses her anxiety and explains that she wants to be evaluated. Rinna pretends to listen to her child talking about her issues, but in reality, she’s just making sure she has the right camera angle as Amelia talks.
Woah — 1979 Rinna looks normal. Plastic surgery is a b*tch, huh? Hearing Rinna’s timeline of education and mess-ups makes it easier to understand why she’s the type of mom that she is. In the midst of the deep conversation, Rinna spots the paparazzi and instead of ignoring them, she waves hello and causes a scene. Sounds about right.
Over at casa Denise and Aaron, Denise is planning a dinner party for the ladies, but not your typical BH one. Instead, there will be wood burning pizzas and a sundae bar. Count me in. I hope there are seating cards for Sutton.
We get to meet Garcelle’s 11-year-old twin boys. They discuss the new house and their new bedrooms and Gucci. What 11-year-old asks for Gucci?! I like how Garcelle talks about being strict and then her kid out and says that. Overall, I think the kids are relatively polite, considering their lifestyle.
Denise’s dinner party is coming together pretty nicely, although I am unsure about the diamond ice sculpture. I am also unsure about Mauricio this season. The guy has no idea what planet he is on and zones out as Kyle drones on and on about Dorit and their recent beef.
Whoa, get a load of Dorit’s lewk. I think she thinks this is a costume party. God, I hope she thinks it is a costume party, otherwise, there is no excuse for her to be dressed like a 70s go-go dancer. Garcelle rides with Dorit, and Dorit fills Garcelle in on how awkward things are going to be between her and Kyle. It’s a totally manufactured fight because it seems like Dorit is just grasping at straws.
Kyle and Mauricio are the first to arrive and it’s a little awkward having them make small talk with the bartender…and each other. Ha! Mauricio was so excited to see Rinna and Erika, and Teddi brings her entire squad, including her manager. These ladies.
Naturally, Kyle needs some drama and so she turns to Rinna where they discuss Dorit’s photoshoot the morning of Teddi’s retreat. When Kyle turns to Garcelle for some deets, Garcelle ain’t spilling. Happy to know that Garcelle hasn’t drank the housewife juice…yet.
Somehow the topic of “the lesbian thing” comes up. Erika one-upped Garcelle’s made-out with a girl story by sharing that she actually dated a COUPLE. Not to be outdone, Garcelle shouts out that she had a threesome (with two girls). And with that, Denise goes to check in on her kids who are sitting a table away. For a lady who talks freely about her husband’s big penis, she is certainly quite prudish around her children.
When Kyle states she has never been with a girl, for the second time, Dorit finally bites. Dorit questions that because Kyle has shared a bed with Teddi before. Dorit is frustrated that no matter what, Kyle will blindly defend Teddi. This stems from the retreat. Dorit is still not over Kyle laying into her and Kyle is still not over Dorit CHOOSING to come late because she had to create the perfect “Barbie glam look.” The truth is, Kyle is just mad that *she* didn’t have a Barbie glam look. She never was good at sharing the spotlight.
How many tequilas did Kyle have? Now she is calling Denise a ragamuffin?! Dorit is not backing down. She is miffed that Kyle never defends her (although Kyle stood up to LVP for her last season…). And when Kyle says she would defend all of her girlfriends, including Rinna, Rinna calls her out. Rinna reminds Kyle that she did not defend her when it came to Kyle’s sister, Kim. With that, Kyle is backed into a corner. She yells “go f*ck yourself” and Denise tries to intervene, being that this is happening at her house. Kyle can’t take being attacked and we will have to wait and see what happens. Ah, the suspense……………………
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