Hi Blurbers! Welcome back to Open Post, a place to let your hair down and talk about whatever you want while we serve you heaping piles of light fluff to digest. It’s also a space to have fun and socialize, so if you feel a heated argument welling up in your heart, STOP, in the name of looooove…and so on.
If you have suggestions for Open Post topics, please send them to [email protected], and if they’re good, your wish is our command! For today’s topic, we’re going to dive deep – WAY deep – into one of the simplest bird brains of any Housewives franchise, and revisit Teresa Giudice’s Top Malapropisms and Mispronunciations!
Lord knows I’m guilty of malapropisms now and then (especially when I, um, eat one too many edibles), and I’m not fluent in Italian like Teresa is, so there’s that. But! I still like to judge and make fun, and that’s what we’re here to do today, so open your grammar books to the chapter about reading, and let’s revisit Teresa’s special way with words, shall we?
The worldwinds were strong that week, my friends!
Question for the New Jerseyite Blurbers: Do you know approximately what percentage of your population pronounces ‘you’ like this? Are The Sopranos, Jersey Shore and RHONJ to be believed? I NEED ANSWERS.
If you absolutely MUST purchase a used home (eww), then, by god, make sure those floors are cleansy!
They’re like cornrows, but butterier.
“I’m Gonna Blow My Casket”
Teresa’s family might want to wear protective gear at her funeral.
Not Without My Dorter: A Lifetime Original based in a monastic dormitory, starring Gia Giudice.
“Heckyll and Jyde”
This sounds like a Randall Emmett-produced buddy cop-Freaky Friday mash-up of Robert Louis Stevenson’s Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, where Lauren Burningham arrests Lala Kent for crimes against toothbrushes.
Confession: I’ve been using the term ‘fambly’ for nearly a decade now; so much so that I’ve nearly forgotten ‘family’ is the correct pronunciation. It’s a permanent stain on my lexicon!
[teens screaming] Ladies and gentlemen, it’s international forest creature sensation Justin Beaver! Tickets are available at a dam near you!
“I’m Calm and Cool as a Whistle”
I don’t know about you, but I store all my whistles in the fridge, and when I’m stressed, I take one out and rub it on my face like Sutton Stracke’s purple face roller. It calms me every time.
Usage: “The distann between me and yous is worldwind.” Everyone will know what you’re talking about, I promise.
Oh, yes, ‘enema’ is a real word indeed, but when Teresa uses it at a Japanese restaurant, she asks for no salt and an extra dish to discard the pods.
For when you’re not in the mood for phone callseses.
“You Don’t Have any Compassionate”
Did you know Elvis Costello’s original song title was called “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understandinate”?
“Brown Chicka Brown Chown!”
I just threw up in my mouth thinking about Teresa and Luis Ruelas doing the brown funky pineapple chicken in the bedroom, and now SO MUST YOU. (Also, fun fact: ‘chown’ is actually a Unix-like operating system command. It’s a real word!)
Maybe Teresa is right, and the English language could use more s’s. They make everything sound more plentiful.
“My secret ingredientses for tacos is come-in!”
The worldwinds were angry in Norway that winter, my friends.
I had to throw this one in here. For posterity. Have a great Sunday, Blurbers!
(Photos courtesy of Bravo TV)
TELL US – What’s your favorite Teresa malapropism? What shows are you watching lately?