On this episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County, a book party brings the women to one setting, but it does not bring the group any closer. Who gets left out of an invitation and who gets the most drunk at the event?
Heather and her daughter, Max, are paying a visit to the chakra shop for some mother/daughter time. They get a chance to analyze their auras and find out their distinct qualities. The truth is, they were simply trying the services to find out if it would be conducive to having these readings at Max’s upcoming book party. Any chance she can get, Heather reminds us that Max, a “Jewish bisexual girl,” wrote a book, and so she deserves to be celebrated after all she has been through with her social anxiety and the lockdown.
“I found James.” Noella invites Gina over to share her big news. James, Noella’s missing soon-to-be-ex-husband, is in Greece (can we discuss how Gina doesn’t know where Mykonos is??), and there are so many questions. Noella found this information using a credit card, which he seemed to have forgotten to block Noella’s usage on. She is holding onto this clue for dear life and realizes that James really is moving on. Because of this, Noella explains that she is anti-penis right now AND that she masturbated earlier that morning. File that under TMI, please.
Heather meets up with Emily and Jen for a sweat cleanse, or “self-care Friday,” as Heather likes to call it. Jen talks about how her ex-boyfriend sued her three days after she was married to her husband, and so she went through a rocky patch in her marriage from the start. The ex-boyfriend appears to have been filthy rich, and he wanted all that he gifted Jen during their relationship back once they broke up. Jen refused, and because of that, there was a bit of a strain on her marriage. Jen’s shirtless husband has always just been the stay-at-home husband, and Emily understands what it is like being the female breadwinner.
Emily explains that she is feeling a bit lightheaded in the sauna, and just when you think she may pass out, she finishes rummaging through her purse and whips out a sub sandwich in the midst of the detox. Absolutely classic. There are so many questions… starting with why does she have a turkey sammy IN HER PURSE just ready for her to grab whenever hunger calls??
On stop two of “self-care Friday,” Heather shares with Jen and Emily how they are buying and building a place in Cabo. So she has decided to float around the idea of a girls’ trip down there. They are up for the plan and jump on it.
Over nails, Jen discusses her recent interaction with Noella, and Heather attempts to unravel Noella and her antics. For one thing, Heather KNOWS that Noella called her a fake b*tch, and now she feels awkward since she invited Noella to the book party. Heather knowing all the sh*t Noella has said yet still inviting her to the event sort of makes Heather look like the fake b*tch Noella said she was.
Shannon and her girls are out in Nashville visiting her mother. Her mom is thrilled to finally have Shannon around — it has been about four years since they have all been down there. Shannon repeats yet again how worried she is about her children since they were exposed to an unhealthy marriage. She fears that her kids will continue the same cycle, yet Shannon’s daughter, Sophie, is already talking about marriage after being with her boyfriend for a mere two months. Sophie shares that she feels like she doesn’t deserve such a nice guy since she is not used to being around that type of male energy, but Shannon and her mother remind all the girls that they deserve to be happy no matter what.
Wait — should we just give Terry an orange already? I feel like he is ALWAYS in the episodes. As Heather and Terry film an infomercial, Noella enters during it all. Noella feels as though Heather scheduled this meeting at this exact moment so Noella could see the “production.” Noella believes that Heather suffers from narcissism, but she is willing to sit down with her to sort things out.
Heather comes right out and asks Noella why she called her a fake b*tch, and she wants to know why she should not be trusted. Heather does not enjoy Noella’s cryptic language, and she is a bit confused with the points Noella is trying to make. Noella claims that her friend Nicole changed right after a phone call she had with Heather. Heather is perplexed by how this has anything to do with being a “phony b*tch,” and she reminds Noella that this is no way to start a friendship.
Noella scoffs at this statement and lets Heather know that at the start of their friendship, Heather was “slamming people against walls” at the Nobu party. Heather is getting psycho vibes from Noella and feels like she may be getting punked. Love it when Heather tells people she is “not the right friend” for them. She tells Noella to focus on her family and take care of herself… aka, stop worrying about this petty bullsh*t, and get out of my house.
It’s the day of Max’s book party and the place looks great. The chakra reader (that they tried out earlier) is all set up and the drinks are flowing. Heather does a quick hello and goodbye to Noella and continues to greet the many guests that begin rolling up to the event. I need to know about Nicole’s purse-phone. It’s like “a fancy Zack Morris phone” and is 100% ridiculous, just like the rest of Nicole’s outfit.
Noella shares with some of the group that Nicole has not been there for her at this dark time period in her life, and so she is separating herself from that friendship. A flashback shows Nicole and Noella FaceTiming, and it seems like Nicole took great lessons from Heather. Her FaceTime call sounded a LOT like the chat Heather had with Noella earlier — “I’m not the friend you need right now…” or something to that extent.
Wait — so Jen’s shirtless husband changed his birth name from Ryan to RYNE?! Also, 10 points go to Heather for calling him out about wearing a shirt. As the night wears on, so do the drinks, and Emily is starting to get toasted. Emily and Gina talk about Shannon (who was unable to make the event) with Noella. Noella is singing Shannon’s praises and Emily takes jabs at Shannon because she feels as though Shannon deserves them.
While talking about her meet-cute, Heather tells Jen that she met Terry on a blind date that went great! Jen shares that she met her husband at a breakfast buffet and states that he took some time warming up to the idea of her. He jokes (I think) that he is still coming around to Jen. I guess if the guy can’t decide on his name, it makes total sense that he is still unsure about his marriage, right??
Emily’s loose booze lips are on a roll. She accidentally outs Heather’s Cabo trip to an uninvited Noella. Luckily, Noella is not surprised her invite seemingly got lost in the mail. Perhaps Noella was not invited because she called Heather a fake b*tch. Yep, that’ll do it.
Heather makes a very staged speech honoring Max and her book accomplishment, and in the meantime, Emily is getting more and more wasted. Noella believes that Shane and Emily probably have the best sex, saying, “Never count the little man out.” Gross.
Emily proceeds to probe Jen about that ex who sued her, and she goes on a rant about school loans and how *he* probably paid them all for Jen. Jen states she received scholarships, but that’s not cutting it for Emily. She asks, “Did your ex-boyfriend pay for you to go to school?” Emily is calling bullsh*t that Jen liked her older beau because of his personality, and when Emily calls Gina over, Gina can tell RIGHT away that Emily needs to be removed from the situation. We all know what could happen with a drunk and feisty Emily… we just don’t know how Jen will react to her comments after the event…
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