We are back for the Real Housewives of Miami reunion on a Versace-themed set! This group is coming out swinging after being away for eight years. Let us catch up with our spicy group from Miami, shall we?
Only the Real Housewives of Miami take private jets to reunions. I have thoroughly enjoyed my hometown of Miami showing off its real estate porn and the picturesque views of Miami Beach. They are going from steamy Miami to the bitterly cold climate of New York, but this group of ladies is up to the challenge.
Lisa is already bitching over not having her own makeup room. Larsa is already bragging about being a winner. She really can be insufferable, and she is not winning best dressed at this reunion. Andy is decked out in his Miami Vice finest, but he is getting really annoyed with Lisa since she is late to the set.
Andy decides to allow the ladies to fire their first shot by downing a shot of tequila. Now that is a way to kick off a reunion in the morning. Guerdy looks gorgeous in her Wonder Woman-inspired dress. Julia and Alexia are placed next to Andy. Lisa is dressed in a lavender silky gown. She admits to removing her fillers since she was starting to sport a moon face.
Andy starts with Alexia, who is dressed like an Oscar statue. Alexia and Todd are now married after going to St. Barts. Andy asks her about Peter’s arrest, and Alexia is defending the allegations charges. He brings up Peter brutally beating up a poor homeless man. Andy questions if Peter may have an anger problem. Alexia is adamant that he was just terribly upset since Frankie was in the hospital. She will never stop defending his abhorrent behavior.
Nicole, in her fluorescent Big Bird-colored gown, is showing off her gorgeous engagement ring. She will have to sign a prenup since Anthony is a lawyer. Marysol is looking over and squinting like she can barely see the large sparkler. Nicole tries to explain the engagement after spending all season saying she was not getting married. She admits Anthony does not like to be pushed and he proposed on his time.
Larsa now tries to defend her out of wedlock comment when Julia brings it up. Nicole finds Larsa’s comment to be in poor taste. She questions her morals selling pics of her body parts online. While they are taking a break, Larsa says, “I am going to tear Julia’s a*s up, I already have friends on this side of the couch.” Ms. Pippen acted all season like she was unaffected by the comments, but the other ladies stuck their fingers in her cage, and she is now ready to bite their well-manicured fingers.
Adriana, who thankfully has good hair, joins in, but her blue dress looks like it would be more fitting on RHOD. Marysol is wearing a gold vintage-styled gown with her gold cocky cup filled with Tito’s and diet lemonade. Adriana proudly says that Jacob has passed the four-month test. Andy reflects on the past seasons and starting again now eight years later. He admits that the fans were instrumental in bringing this franchise back. It was shocking when they showed the OGs and how much most of them changed, especially Larsa and Adriana.
Alexia had her historical boobs redone after 30 years but did not go to the Boob God Lenny. Larsa gets called out on all her modifications. She admits to changing her look by looking to
Kim K.’s trends and being progressive. Larsa only admits to her boobs, nose, and lips, but she says she did not get her butt done. She thinks since she works out it inflated her butt to epic proportions. Larsa suggests that Adriana is not athletic, so she does not have a good booty. Adriana is not convinced that she does not have implants or some sort of injections — nor am I.
Julia, who looks stunning in her pageant gown, interjects, and Larsa rudely tells Adriana’s follower to zip it. Adriana wants her to admit that she wants to resemble Kim K. and baby talk just like her. Larsa blames that on being best friends with Kim. No one in that room believes this.
While on break, Larsa asks Lisa in their trailer to have her back. Lisa does not want to fight with these women over something that she has no comment on. Larsa calls Lisa a doormat since she does not stand up for her own self — so why expect her to defend you, Larsa?
Guerdy gets asked about her hot husband, Russell. Russell is getting razzed by the other firefighters. She wants to pass out the QR code to those who did not contribute to her cause since she knows who you are. Alexia looks like she just got in trouble and pretends that she did not know they were collecting donations. She thought she could get away with just donating a dress that she would have given to Goodwill.
Guerdy and Adriana go at it about Julia’s party and her décor. Adriana does apologize to Guerdy since she does respect her designs. Julia’s shaken baby story is just heartbreaking to hear again. Guerdy was not showing empathy about Julia’s story when she interrupted and made it about herself. She apologizes sincerely to Julia, and they are good. Adriana admits she can be territorial over Julia, which we saw all season.
Andy delves into Larsa returning to the group and her use of OnlyFans. Larsa says her account has grown exponentially and she is in the top .02% of creators. She defends using her kids as photographers and claims since they can speak four languages, they are unaffected by her choices. Adriana considered doing it, but when she asked her son Alex about it, he called it pornography. She says her relationship with her son is more important than the money.
Larsa brazenly tells Adriana that Jacob has another girlfriend in addition to her. Adriana demands that Jacob be allowed to defend himself since he is backstage. She gets called out over showing her boobs all the time on the show. Larsa wants one hundred million dollars to show her boobs. She is then accused of being “hookerish” with her DMs with people who want to date her.
Marysol admits to getting a DUI and is happy that Larsa is providing relief to the corrections officers. Larsa was sad over her divorce from Scottie. They were married for 21 years, and they did not break up over infidelity. Larsa gets called out about her relationship with the rapper Future and the timeline of it. She claims Scottie was aware of it and they were separated at the time.
Adriana questions Jacob in their trailer about Larsa saying that he is seeing someone else. Jacob denies Larsa’s claims but shades Adriana over dating two people at the same time. Andy is fangirling over Martina and asks Julia if Martina will come on WWHL. Julia says that Martina will do it for her. Andy is thrilled that RH has the first same-sex married couple. Julia is happy to portray that love has no gender.
Andy asks Julia about coming out and marrying Martina. Julia’s girls were not Martina fans in the beginning. It sounds like her girls hazed Martina, but she stuck it out and was a big part of their lives since they were young. This makes me love Martina even more.
Julia then tells a more in-depth story about losing her baby Max in 2000. Max’s father was a Dorian Gray type named Edouard. She wanted to hire a nanny, and her husband found one who claimed to be a qualified nurse from Bulgaria. Just eight days later, 10-month-old Max died from shaken baby syndrome. The nanny vanished the next day after his death. A strange woman who pretended to be someone else contacted Julia and claimed to have valuable information to share with Julia about her baby’s death. The woman told Julia that if she told her the truth about her relationship with Edouard, the woman would tell Julia the truth about the death of her child. Julia collapsed upon hearing this and did not get any answers.
Edouard died from a gunshot wound five months later during a bondage session with this woman. I agree with Nicole that Julia is such a positive and friendly person despite enduring this horrific event. I was brought to tears after hearing this story again.
We then get into Marysol telling everyone how Nicole talks behind everyone’s back. Nicole thinks she knows who said it. She admits she said Lisa’s house was over the top. Marysol knows a lot of people and hears things and does not repeat lies. Come on now, what are you, a human lie detector, Marysol? Alexia then starts to deny that she told Nicole that Marysol got married to stay relevant. She was debriefing Nicole during a dinner and insinuated that Marysol was desperate to return to the show.
Alexia calls Nicole a liar and claims she is known for her honesty. Nicole insists that she is not a liar and sticks to her story. Side note: I was paying close attention to Alexia in this scene, and she does look guilty IMO. The group gets asked if there was anyone else who heard these rumors about Nicole trashing them? We will have to wait until next week to find out the answer to that question.
Next week, we hear that Lea Black blasted Alexia for outing Herman. Lisa shares that Lenny told her he is not in love with her anymore. Happy TGIF, Blurbers, and see you in the Garden State for RHONJ on Tuesday!
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