The Real Housewives of Miami are here this week to celebrate Nicole’s engagement. Larsa has been uninvited to the party because she called Nicole fake and a hospital harlot! Let us enjoy the opulence of the Magic City together!
First of all, I am happy to be blogging again for my hometown of Miami. The real estate, the beaches, and the people make Miami the Magic City. Miami has a pulsating energy to it, and it can be intoxicating — and not just from alcohol! We are going back to The de Moya Foundation charity party, which has been helping Frankie regain his independence.
Nicole and Larsa innocently sit down together for their first one-on-one — and it goes sideways fast. She is annoyed that Larsa has suggested that Nicole’s ex being a teacher essentially makes him a nobody. Larsa thinks that since she was married to Scottie, it makes her famous, and Nicole should have rolled out the red carpet to the “former wife” of an NBA player. She insults Nicole by saying she has slept her way through the hospital. Nicole, of course, is highly offended by this, but she maintains her composure, which is really commendable if you ask me.
Adriana tries to pump Lisa up by letting her know that she has a secret admirer. She claims this man gets weak in the knees over Lisa, but Lisa is not interested since she is still in love with Lenny even though he broke her heart…
Guerdy and Russell are trying to balance their family time. She was raised in the Caribbean culture, which is discipline first and love second. They play a family game of charades, and Guerdy’s assistant Manu arrives to play with them. It is funny when everyone cracks up when Guerdy gets the movie Horrible Bosses. Side note: I have a dear friend who is from Haiti, and her kids were raised in the way Guerdy describes. She reminds me of Guerdy with her passionate energy, and she coincidentally has a hot hubby and brilliant children.
Julia and her personal stylist get together since he has information on adopting children when you are a gay couple. She has been modeling but wants to follow her dream of adopting kids because she cannot stand being an empty nester. Julia wants to adopt a three-year-old or older. He tells her the home study is very evasive and repetitive. Julia has concerns over the “Don’t say gay” bill and how it will affect her marriage and potential adoption.
Guerdy comes over to visit Larsa in her penthouse in the sky. She tells Larsa about her opening the communication with Russell. Larsa feels judged by Nicole, and that is why she accused her of sleeping with doctors and being fake. She also believes that fake people deflect, and she should know something about that! Larsa really has no self-awareness…
Nicole and Anthony are out to dinner, and they are discussing their engagement party. She is having a level 10 party. Nicole’s dad is invited, but he is not allowed to invite a plus one. Nicole tells Anthony that Larsa was reckless with her comments and has no moral compass. Anthony thinks she has a lot of nerve and does not think past her big fat butt. Nicole and Anthony discuss how Larsa needs to be relevant and rides on Scottie’s coattails. Anthony thinks that Larsa will never change her last name since she likes all of the attention she gets from it.
Larsa gets a gift from Nicole, an invitation that basically says, “Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fakest one of all!” Larsa got herself uninvited because of her comments to Nicole, which was warranted. She questions if these two will really marry, and you can tell that this bothers her more than she lets on. Larsa lives for the spotlight, and missing out on filming is hard on her ego. She pretends she is glad to not have to go to Nicole’s party and burden herself. She will have to stay home with the people who love her — like her dogs.
Anthony and Nicole are getting ready for their engagement party and talk about some house porn. Side note: Their house is worth 44 million dollars, and how many people can say that Jeff Bezos’ family bought their home? Guerdy calls Nicole about Larsa being uninvited to the party. Nicole did not want to tell her because she respects the friendship between Larsa and Guerdy. She is sorry that Guerdy ended up feeling like she was road kill when she witnessed Larsa get run down by the mirror invitation. Nicole stands by her comment that Larsa is fake from head to toe.
Nicole found an old, retired bank vault to simulate a Vegas casino for their engagement party. Julia, who looks beautiful in red, comes with her daughter Victoria — but where is my beloved Martina? She is happy that Larsa was uninvited to the party. The gorgeous Kiki arrives, and she will not speak to Julia. She just gives her the hair flip and struts off like the true model she is.
Adriana is excited to bring her printed copy of Thierry’s divorce decree. She wants to prove to this group that she is not having a relationship with a married man. Adriana is hell-bent this season to get a good guy even though she has her four-month rule.
Michael, Nicole’s dad, arrives, and he is like a sex-fueled shark scanning the room for prey! He is hitting on Kiki and asking her to call him papa. YUCK! Marysol arrives at the party wearing white and claiming not to know it is black tie. She calls Michael a typical 2’2″ size drug dealer, which is rather unkind even though he is a lecherous man. Julia thinks Marysol has been married too many times to still be wearing white to an engagement party. Marysol gets compliments from Michael, and she seems to like his candidness. Alexia asks Michael about Anthony, and he says he is a gentleman and a scholar.
In Alexia’s ITM, she shares that Marysol and Steve are not legally married. Marysol does not want to share the Patton family money with anyone. Hmm, did not know that she was not legally married to Steve.
Julia mentions that she and Martina have no prenup. She pretended she could not read all of the documents that were being put in front of her. Martina must have really loved her to not pursue getting a prenup with Julia. They have been married for quite some time, so I guess it worked out for them.
Guerdy tells the group that Larsa, “the fakest one of all,” is not invited to the party. We then get a production package showing how Larsa has maintained her mojito this season. Larsa accused Lisa and Lenny of renting out their home to pay their mortgage. Nicole has been accused of sleeping with every doctor in the hospital. She likens Larsa to an arsonist who keeps lighting matches in hopes that they will deflect from her own burning bush life. Kiki, in her ITM, makes me crack up AGAIN when she says she is incredulous that Nicole could sleep with a whole hospital. She needs to be a full-time housewife since that woman is gorgeous and freaking hilarious.
Alexia thinks Nicole brought it upon herself by saying she needs to get to know someone before she invites them into her home. I do not think that is unreasonable for anyone to feel that way. Larsa thinks that because her last name is Pippin, she should have unfettered access to people’s homes. Nicole mentions how it is not a secret that Larsa is dating Michael Jordan’s son. She takes offense that Larsa is now coming for her job, and this could impact them financially and professionally.
Alexia cannot understand why Nicole is upset over these comments. Nicole tries to explain to the Cuban Barbie that she needs to see how she feels when unfounded accusations come her way. Alexia has only had to deal with allegations that have merit after being married to a Cocaine Cowboy. Marysol thinks that Larsa is the lucky one to be uninvited to this party. Nicole reminds the group that unless you have worked for something for 20 years, you cannot understand how hurtful these comments are. She does not consider selling feet pictures as working. BOOM! We then get another to-be-continued.
This franchise, in my humble opinion, is the best one Bravo/Peacock has. The women have real money and live interesting lives. The addition of Martina is such a bonus, and I love every scene she is in. I grew up in the same neighborhood where Martina and Julia’s farm is. I will see you all in Miami next week to find out how this drama will unfold! Happy Thursday, Blurbers!
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