This week’s episode of the Real Housewives of Miami is aptly titled “Apology not Accepted.” Who will be asked to apologize — surely not Alexia or Larsa, who do not have that word in their vocabulary… along with a few others! Let’s find out, shall we?
We first get a glimpse of the “gringo dinner” and how it goes off the rails pretty quickly. Alexia haughtily tells Nicole she disrespected her home and herself. Nicole is flabbergasted since she thought they left on good terms at the end of the meeting with the family lawyer. You will have to wait a bit to see how that sh*tshow plays out later in the episode…
For now, Marysol and Alexia are going to see the handsome “Fat Doctor” named Rafael. He offers all kinds of shots and elixirs to burn away fat. Marysol just likes to tag along and add alcohol to her elixirs. Alexia is still stewing over Nicole tossing her Black AMEX at Michael like he was a stripper. What kind of strip club does Alexia hang out at? Alexia attributes Nicole’s behavior to her lack of manners.
Nicole and Julia are talking on the phone. They both want to do something for Lisa, and they think a getaway to the Bahamas would do the trick. Somehow Nicole is under the illusion that this group can have a chill getaway with no drama. Never-going-to-happen…
Adriana and Julia meet up for drinks. She felt like she walked into a lion’s den after being scolded by the hostess. Adriana, who is beyond dramatic, claims to be having nightmares. She does not understand why her longtime friends of 10 years are now targeting her. They have so much history and there has been a shift in the friendship. Julia thinks that someone needs an evil eye removal — STAT.
Julia then blabbers on about her faux storyline about wanting to adopt a child. She describes the length of time it takes to even get on the waiting list. Julia and Martina basically both have aged out of the process since they are over 50. She also shares her daughters are adamantly against this nonsense of adopting at this stage of her life. Julia needs to get involved in a local Humane Society and pet adoptions instead of doing this ridiculous storyline.
Larsa visits Lisa and sees that she is literally melting away from the stress of the divorce. Lisa keeps getting bad news about Lenny and his plans to remove her from the house. Lenny wants her AND his kids tossed out in 30 days. He is throwing around that he has the power to get a judge to order this. Lisa then tells us that her trainer has even dumped her for the mistress. Lenny has really gone too far with this since Lisa thinks “the mistress” is trying to make her fat by taking that perk away from her.
Larsa had to deal with her own allegations that she cheated on Scottie. She did not like being made out to be the villain and it was very hard on her family. Larsa pretends that she understands what Lisa is going through BUT not really because she was the Lenny. The word on the street was she was canoodling with the rapper Future. She pretends like this occurred during their separation…
Nicole and Anthony are meeting up at the aptly titled “Ball and Chain” restaurant with the “gringo” couples. Alexia and Todd arrive along with Marysol and Steve. Guerdy and her fireman snack of a husband Russell join the group. They then get into a debate on the meaning of gringo, and it’s a shocker that Alexia describes the meaning of it the most accurately. Please note: I always understood that the term “gringo” is a slur in the United States and has a negative connotation. The fact that Alexia uses it does not surprise me since she believes all Russian women are prostitutes!
Marysol decides again to drink her dinner, and she is not partaking in that amazing Cuban cuisine. Who cares if it is full of oil and fat? Russell gets asked if he has ever been on the firemen’s calendar, and he tells them he has no interest. Darn it, I was getting ready to do a search on Amazon to make a purchase! Russell says the attention the firefighters get from the fans is a lot, and the fact he is not into that makes me love this guy more. I can see why Guerdy and Russell have been together so long.
The dinner starts going wrong when the conversation changes to the meeting with the lawyer. It almost is like a cock fight between Todd and Anthony. Todd shames Anthony when he offers to send flowers and chocolate to the lawyer if he was offended at Nicole tossing the AMEX at him. First of all, I have worked with lawyers for 34 years, and I can promise you they would NEVER be offended to take payment by a black AMEX under any circumstances.
Todd then tries to make Anthony out to be like an ambulance chaser with his little practice of three lawyers. He asserts that Anthony has billboards for water damage claims. Anthony lets Todd know they have 187 employees. Alexia just wants Nicole to realize she “lost” this argument, and she thinks Anthony and Nicole are solid — since they are both rude. Poor Russell and Stevie just want some guava cheesecake and chocolate. Guerdy is proud of Russell since he does not get involved in the fight between women.
Alexia and Frankie are meeting with Jorge from the de Moya foundation to find him a job. Frankie has never even used rideshare programs because he’s scared of going anywhere without his mom. Alexia has a fear of him being in anyone’s car but her own especially not with his brother Peter. She has such a beautiful relationship with Frankie, and it is so endearing to watch how loving he is with his mom.
Lisa, Kiki, and Larsa are going out to a club called E11EVEN, which is in South Beach. It must be early since that club is relatively empty. Kiki is there on a d*ck hunt for Lisa. She would like to catch some for herself, but Lisa needs it more. Lisa wants it to be clear to the other ladies that she is not bisexual even though their parties tended to only have hot ladies at them. She thinks people thought she and Lenny were swingers, but Lenny is not adventurous enough to ask her to partake in that kind of behavior. Lisa admits to being too jealous to allow an open marriage.
We now join Alexia and Nicole at the Amara restaurant. Alexia wants an apology without conditions. Nicole needs to dumb herself down
and borrow some Hooked on Phonics cards from Teresa G. to talk to her. Alexia, the true “Star is Born,” hilariously projects on Nicole that she is a narcissist. She also keeps throwing out that a TRUE professional would never behave the way Nicole did. Side note: Nicole should have been a smart a*s and asked Alexia to spell narcissist and define it!
Nicole, who seems to just want to move forward and away from this nonsense, apologizes with no conditions. She would have apologized sooner if she knew how upset poor Alexia was. Nicole went into the “gringo dinner” not knowing there was still an issue between them. Thank God these two have made a truce — for now! Side note: I have suspicions that Marysol and Alexia are trying to push Nicole off the show by disparaging her so Marysol can be moved up from a friend to a full-time Housewife.
Next week, Marysol is missing on the trip to the Bahamas, and Alexia believes someone put an evil eye on her! We also see what appears to be Adriana being whisked out in a wheelchair — Vicki Gunvalson-style! Enjoy your Thursday, Blurbers, and see you next week so we can vicariously enjoy some Bahamian breezes!
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