Our Real Housewives of Miami are back for their reunion — and not in spicy Miami, but in NYC. The reunion set is reminiscent of Nicole’s engagement party locale. Let us first dissect the fashion and rank them according to our RB poll.
Marysol clocks in at number one with her modest gown with a jacket. Dr. Nicole, who is number two, decides to be different with her bedazzled mini dress, and she has the body to rock it. Guerdy is number three and dressed the most daring — her silver chains over a nude undertone looks super sexy. Lisa comes in fourth with her black encrusted gown with gloves, which has mermaid vibes. Kiki is number five, rocking a body-hugging number that looks amazing on her model body.
Larsa comes in sixth with everything on display in her embellished gown with high slits and a low plunging neckline. Adriana is seven with her femme female look with a strapless gown and feather boas. Julia follows her BFF at eight with her Greek goddess look that shows off her flat stomach. Alexia, the star, comes in last with her tuxedo look and silver tie cutting her torso in two.
Larsa is chatting with Andy backstage, and she has Marcus with her. Andy compliments the ladies on how beautiful they look, and he wishes he was straight. Larsa shares that Scottie Jr. is playing for the Lakers, and she could not be a prouder mom. Guerdy looks fabulous and has lost 25 pounds, and she can carry off that unforgiving dress. Julia mentions she stays in shape by lifting bales of hay. Side note: She gets those bales of hay from my brother’s business, which supplies animal products. I would like to make a delivery to their farm so I can meet Martina. Sorry, I digress…
Andy asks Nicole about all their money and how a doctor and lawyer afford their lifestyle. Nicole mentions that she and Anthony bought their home for 13 million dollars and sold it for 44 million dollars to Bezos’ mother. That is a great return on investment.
Julia shares that Martina has been dealing with two cancer diagnoses. Martina thought her swollen lymph nodes were from complications from the shingles vaccine, but when she was scanned, it was discovered she had two types of cancer. Lisa shares with Andy that her daughter Elle has no idea what is going on with the divorce, but poor young Logan is painfully aware of the situation. Andy mentions that they reached out to Lenny to see if he could come to the reunion. Lisa was okay with him attending the reunion, but he wanted no part of it.
Andy brings up Lenny’s hot mic moment, and she says it confirmed everything she thought. Lisa caught Lenny in a hot tub with this woman a year before. She defended her run-in with the lip licker (I am going to refer to her as that for my entire blog) because she wanted to go to the Formula One race and was not going to miss it because of Lenny and his lip licker. She still buys the groceries and Lenny still lives with the lip licker. Lisa, my darling fembot, please stop Instacarting for this man — it is not worth it just to have crunchy peanut butter.
Lisa mentions the Halloween party where his lip licker could not come because of the restraining order. She was really genius IMO to have that happen so the lip licker cannot go to their house since Lisa lives there. Lenny was flirting with another woman at the party and left with her. Andy asks Lisa if Lenny ever let her know that he was upset with her going out. Lisa mentions she was out with her girlfriends till four a.m. and came home to Lenny being annoyed with her. She mentions that she does contribute to their family with her spa business. Lisa is no longer in love with Lenny and feels like she was tricked and would not reunite. Lisa is now dating a tech mogul named Jody, and he is backstage as well.
Marysol and Adriana join the party armed with the obnoxious blinged-out bullhorn. We get into the whole BBL storyline, and Adriana claims to have only invited Larsa to come so she could get her to own her work. Larsa insists that it is her natural butt, and when production shows old footage, her a*s is missing the inflated volume she has now. She stupidly tries to get everyone to believe that her a*s has naturally filled out over time. Andy asks Marysol about her chronic drinking and was fearful she could burst into flames since she is 80% alcohol. Marysol defends her drinking because she is only doing it for her product tasting… She says that Nicole drinks more than anyone and is mean when she does so. Nicole defends her angry behavior at her engagement party since she was defending her career and husband.
Nicole is spending a lot of time with her dad Michael. She explains she has a complicated relationship with her dad after spending a month in ICU after the car accident. Nicole is trying to process everything that happened throughout the years and believes the show is helping them to mend fences.
Larsa thinks that they are belittling a grown man. She thinks age should not be an issue and we believe that –for her — since she is dating someone who could be a playmate with Scottie Jr. Andy brings up Marcus to Larsa, and they are just friends
f*ck buddies — who are dating. He mentions Marcus is closer to Scottie Jr.’s age than hers. Larsa is one of the biggest hypocrites on this show.
Andy brings up “the Star,” Alexia, and he tries to get them all to see they all have narcissistic tendencies. Alexia will only admit to self-confidence, and her parents raised her to be special insufferable. Guerdy tells Alexia to humble herself, and Alexia arrogantly thinks they resent her because she is resilient. When confronted over not thanking Guerdy for the flowers, Alexia deems it a staged moment. She says that Guerdy is so difficult to work with. Alexia thinks that Guerdy has castrated Russell, and that infuriates me since I love that fireman!
Andy brings up the ignorant Russian prostitute comment. Alexia now understands that there is an “astigmatism,” but she has no idea that this is an eye defect. Julia thinks Alexia is now making a genuine apology after being hammered on social media. Alexia gets called out on saying Thierry was married when the Cuban dolt does not know how to scroll to see the current information. She then throws out that Adriana rents her men. Alexia says the men get a hard-on to be able to film with a Housewife. She thinks that Adriana is jealous of her life and wants everything, including her watch. Adriana brings Alexia’s text printed out from when they were friendly, and she had encouraged Adriana to date a married man, which Adriana declined.
Larsa gets RIGHTFULLY called out for saying Anthony and Nicole’s son was from out of wedlock. She is suggesting that this beautiful child is a bastard, and you can see even Andy is pissed at her ignorance. Larsa needs to take her floatation device out of her giant a*s and stick it in her big mouth.
Andy calls Alexia out on not apologizing, and she has a hard time accepting blame just like her Jersey twin. He has to scream at them since they are all talking over each other. Lisa thanks Alexia for having her lawyer friend help explain some legal issues she was dealing with. She is not happy over how embarrassing the women behaved. Andy can relate to the lawyer since he has had to deal with cackling hens for years, and they are like herding cats. Anthony did apologize to the lawyer.
Alexia, the victim, thinks she was attacked all season. She then comes after Lisa and suggests she is the one responsible for the cheating. Lisa has no self-confidence or Lenny would not have cheated. WOW, I just cannot with this woman and her absurd opinions on others. If we go with Alexia’s ridiculous theory, how did the self-confident “star” have two husbands who were NOT faithful to the arrogant Botoxed-Barbie doll?
Next week, Kiki joins the group, and Larsa gets called out for her nasty comments all season. It was a pretty tame episode, but I am liking that Alexia and Larsa are getting some heat for their nasty comments all season. See you all next week for Jersey on Tuesday, and take care!
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