The title of this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey is “I Smell a Rat.” We will hear about boogawolfs (ugly, busted-up chicks resembling Tre) and Housewives who would prefer to be called anything but a rodent. Let us grab a Guinness and start chugging — trust me, you will need it!
The ladies head to a pub to celebrate Teresa’s bachelorette party, and poor Jen F. takes a tumble. Rachel has concerns about getting drunk with this crew since they give her anxiety when they turn up. They decide to have a Guinness beer chugging contest with a local. Jackie wins the contest against another bar patron. Teresa keeps getting her stupid tequila and pineapple since she is not a beer-chugging girl. She just likes to chug Louie’s cocktail of spooge with a floater of subterfuge. Jennifer tries to compete, and she belts out a burp, but then she remembers classy girls who live in a castle in Paramus do not belch.
Jen F. decided to chug too on the chug cam. She wins another contest with a local. Teresa pours a drink on Jen F. in celebration, and Jen F. showers Tre with beer. They decide to have an after-party, and the camera shows them all asleep within 30 minutes. Teresa is sleeping with drool sliding off her “liptation” floating devices. They all agree that they need to call it a night since they cannot party like they used to.
In the morning, Tre has beer (or is it some other gooey-Louie substance?) left over in her hair. Melissa did not sleep, so she took the pictures off the walls since she fears ghosts. Marge slaps on a T-shirt with “Endorsed” on it so she can get back at Jennifer. We learn that blood pudding is pig blood curd, and I would take a hard pass on that one. Rachel mentions that she and Danielle shared a laugh over Jen F. falling the night before. Melissa tells the ladies that Danielle called Rachel a rat. Dolores reminds us that calling someone a rat is worse than even a c*nt??
Marge confronts Danielle about her spreading stories about her arsenal of shade. She helped Danielle with her logo and believes she has been kind to her. Danielle admits to thinking Marge knows things about people. Marge looks rough in this scene, which makes me see a solution for Melissa. Melissa might want to sleep with Marge since she could potentially scare the castle ghosts off. Danielle, who is such a blowhard, is talking like she is a bada*s — but she saved it for her ITMs.
Dolores has planned a shopping trip and a trip to the gardens. Melissa talks about their husbands being jealous. Jen F. shares that her husband Jeff cheated on her. Dolores shares how Frank would come home smelling like his trixies. Frank told the mother of his children that he cannot keep his steroid-filled cock in his pants, and so they split up. Teresa shares the story of how Joe made her lose time with her mom while she was in jail, and she harbored resentment toward him when she finally got out.
In the van, Rachel asks Teresa about the relationship between the cousins. She claims that the kids do not see each other as often since recently Antonia had a cheer competition. Melissa, who clearly looks like she is going to implode, defends Antonia by saying she was in a competition in another state. Teresa thinks she could have been there for one hour. Melissa does not want to be that kind of aunt who brings her kids into their messy sh*t. Teresa, in her ITM, resents that Gia was called disrespectful in the past by Joe and Melissa.
Jackie and Melissa talk about the fight on the bus. She thinks that Tre is hypocritical since no one can trash-talk about her kids. Jennifer and Danielle commiserate over Marge and her shady behavior. Teresa thinks the other ladies in the van should have said something in her defense since she said nothing wrong about Antonia. Jennifer absurdly claims that Teresa is always protecting the Gorgas.
Teresa is shopping and asks the cashier, “What is 80 euros in English?” I just cannot with this embarrassing buffoon. In her ITM, Marge says, “Melissa and Tre are not the sharpest tools in the shed.” Side note: Louie has another video that was leaked from his past that shows this freak blathering on about the Rue La La clothing store.
The ladies embark on a beautiful lunch, which they will most definitely ruin and embarrass themselves. Dolores shares that she and Paul have moved in together. She is enjoying their time together and they have discussed getting a ring. The kids want Dolores to be happy but not Frank, and they are living in her house. Rachel asks what kind of wedding she would want. Paul wants to have a four-day event, and Tre mentions Louie wants the same extravagant sh*tshow. Melissa, in her ITM, talks about fighting with Teresa for almost two decades. Side note: Can you imagine having to engage with that level of stupidity for two freaking decades?
Melissa and Joe chat on the phone, and she tells him that Tre came for Antonia. She tells Joe that she is not the kind of aunt who would come for the kids. Melissa believes that Teresa is provoking them in hopes of pushing them so hard that they will bow out of the wedding. Joe cannot believe how far his family has gone downhill, and now he will not have a relationship with his only sibling.
While at breakfast, Jen F. has inherited the Housewife gene, and she is letting her cleavage hang out. Danielle shares that her boobs were tubular before she had them done. Rachel and Danielle bicker about being influenced by the gossip that is being divulged in this group.
Jennifer tells Marge that she resented being called a disheveled drug addict. Marge will apologize for the drug addict part — but not for saying that Jennifer is disheveled. She also calls Jennifer duplicitous because she knows damn well that Jennifer does not know the meaning of that word.
Jennifer then pulls out a word to call Marge, a boogawolf. She must have pictured Teresa when she was looking for a word to insult Marge. Melissa googles it and finds it to be a nasty and ugly woman. Marge tells Jennifer she really missed her mark on this one since Marge is made of Teflon — among other things.
Next week, we are still in Ireland, and we will still be watching the demise of the Gorga siblings’ relationship. Hope you are all having a great week, Blurbers! Please let me know at [email protected] if you want to co-host with me on the podcast. If you have not listened to last week’s episode with Bimbo Slice, please check it out. She was fun to talk with and I enjoyed her snarky comments.
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