Will the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City be able to survive the end-of-the-season shipwreck in Bermuda? Grab your life vest, and prepare for Monica to walk the plank to obscurity!
Andy questions Meredith, and her stink faces directed at him give him quitting vibes. Meredith plays it off that she is not mad at Andy, but she has just perfected the resting b*tch face and wanted to show it off. Production gives us a montage of the women having to dress up throughout the season. We get examples of Lisa when she was whining over not having her makeup artist on their trip and not wanting to wear anything unflattering. Lisa brags that she has not done her own makeup since 2019. She explains she has issues with her vision so she cannot do it herself — which literally no one believes. Mary tells Lisa that she is insecure since she requires a full face of makeup like armor. She should not throw stones since that woman hides behind the walls of her house of delusion.
Andy gives the other women an opportunity to impersonate each other. Monica does do a decent job of Lisa, vocalizing the annoying droning sound to her voice. Meredith does Whitney, and Whit refuses to believe that she sounds like that. Darling little Whit, you sound exactly like a whining toddler. Monica and Lisa continue to go back and forth with their nasty comments to each other. Lisa tells Monica she needs to learn to argue in a more adult way, which I 100% agree with.
Mary does get called out for body shaming Heather on WWHL, but she denies that she was doing that. She then shockingly gives Heather a shout-out to let her know she looks good today. Andy gives Mary credit for providing her verbal eviscerations throughout the season. He believes her nastiness provided comic relief, and hearing him say this explains a lot about Bravo. Andy wants to know if Mary wants to come back, but she needs to feel accepted. Whitney pretends that she did not want to disappoint Mary but, “You are in danger, little girl,” when you try to spar with Mary. Mer is willing to teach the other ladies how to navigate Mary Cosby. Does she provide edibles to lessen the effects when Mary rips you apart with her words?
Andy is finally letting Monica explain how the Reality Von Tease account came to be. He wants to hear Monica’s side of the story, which has targeted this group. Monica admits she is a contributor to the account, which started in 2021, and it was targeting Jen Shah and her treatment of her employees. She tries to act like sharing negative comments that Jen said is doing them all favors. Monica then whips out a burn book like from the movie Mean Girls. She claims to be making a joke of the burn book, and she uses the posts from Reality Von Tease. Andy is stunned that Monica does not get that these posts were not remotely positive. Angie had posted hearts and kisses on the site, but they really do not delve into much about that. She asserts that she liked the material that shows Jen to be Shah-Zilla.
Monica claims she knew she would be in trouble for this, but she took a chance anyway. Andy asks her why she didn’t disclose this at the jump. Lisa accuses Monica of logging into Jen Shah’s security cameras and telling people about her friendship with Snoop. She believes that Monica was stalking Jen by repeatedly driving by her house. Monica admits to watching Jen — but not stalking her. Heather whips out videos that Monica made where she is filming Jen’s house and is worried about being accused of stalking. Monica purports, which is absurd, that the FBI tasked her to find out if Jen is drinking and driving so her probation would be violated.
Andy is incredulous that the FBI would have Monica provide surveillance when she is a witness in the federal case. Monica lamely asserts that she did not go to any of their homes to stalk any of them. Sure, you did not, Moni-troll. Heather thinks that if someone took the time to befriend Jen so they could get on the show, they’re desperate and reckless. She gets emotional when she says the trolls ruin the Housewife experience. Heather thinks they would get higher caliber women if they did not have to deal with this nonsense. Monica allegedly told casting agents that she ran this account. Andy tries to refute this, saying she would never have been cast if she had disclosed this. Monica also claimed she told casting their ratings and that the other ladies were lame, which was disproven.
Meredith confronts Monica on the Greek mafia evidence. Andy is baffled at how they both got the DMs coincidentally on the same day. Angie thinks this behavior is reckless and they were trying to ruin her business reputation. Andy lets Monica know that she cannot bring things up on camera and be held harmless since she did not start the rumor. Monica says that Angie shamed her swaddle business, which no one seems to care about. Andy looks disgusted and tries to get this out-of-control woman to please f*cking stop!
We now get into the black eye drama. Heather finally admits that she was scared to tell the truth about Jen since she was fearful of her. She shares that it was her first inclination to cover for her so she did not get in any more trouble. Now, Andy is going to roll the tape that production has been sitting on to show Jen and Heather discussing the aftermath of the punch. Heather apologizes to the audience, network, and producers for not being truthful from the start. Andy corners her on suggesting a producer could be responsible and how reckless that was on her part to suggest. Heather is lucky she is not also on the chopping block after that flippant allegation.
Heather claims to have masked the pain from the assault by internalizing it, but throwing out alternate theories could have damaged other reputations. She admits to being a loyal friend to a person who behaves like a psychopath. Heather thinks she is a different person now, and she can recognize Jen’s injurious behavior in Monica. Heather is concerned about Jen’s retaliation even though she is in prison. Andy then asks Monica what her thoughts were on Jen’s actions. Monica said it was hard to watch since she was a victim of Jen too. She believes that Jen dumping a drink on Angie was an assault, which I thought it was as well. The way those women stood around like a bunch of lemmings and let Jen act like it was all in jest was sickening IMO.
Monica was willing to call out Jen’s behavior while Heather protected her at all costs. She claims she gets threatening phone calls because of her participation in the investigation. Whitney chimes in now saying Heather has Stockholm syndrome. They recall how broken Heather was last season at the reunion. Whitney comes over to hug Heather, which seems sincere. If Heather could turn back time, she would tell Jen “I am no longer your b*tch,” and she wishes she did not fight her fight.
Andy then wants to know if the other ladies would offer Monica grace since she was allegedly a victim of Jen. Heather thinks this is the best season they have ever had, and she is not willing to let Monica back in. Whitney wants to protect boundaries that she deems unsafe, and she is triggered by these events. Shocker!!! She is triggered again! Mer thinks it is problematic when trust has been decimated.
Andy gives Monica the chance to say anything else to clarify her position, and she says a flat no. They then play “warm and fuzzy and cold and prickly” to describe their season. Angie’s warm was sharing Greek Easter and having friends and family come together. She, of course, would say cold and prickly was the Monica component. Whitney has a warm and fuzzy since was stronger this year. She says her cold and prickly is being let down by Monica. Lisa’s warm and fuzzy is improved relationships with Heather and Meredith, and her prickly is the way they left Bermuda. Meredith’s fuzzy is her ability to churn butter! She says her prickly was having an off-camera conversation with Monica. Heather’s fuzzy was her book and better relationship with Lisa. She clearly says that prickly was Monica and their Bermuda trip. Monica says that Bermuda was both for her.
Andy thinks this season ended on a good note since they finally got some answers — but did we really? Monica is allegedly fired so time will tell! See you tonight, Blurbers, in Miami!
TELL US — THOUGHTS ON THIS RHOSLC EPISODE?