Credit: Getty Images, Bravo
KJ Dillard opened up about his relationship struggles and an earlier split from Dara Levitan, his mental health, and his financial issues while appearing on Carl Radke‘s podcast on Tuesday.
As he shared why Mia Calabrese, 34, encouraged Dara, 33, to break up with him, recalled living with Ciara Miller, 30, and detailed his “rock bottom,” the 28-year-old Summer House star looked back on the hardships he faced last fall after filming the series’ 10th season.
“I had a great summer, but when summer ended, I started to feel alone because it was like coming from this high back down to reality because yeah, in the summer, we film every week, we have something to look forward to, we’re around our friends all the time, but then after, everyone goes back to their lives and … the structure’s gone,” KJ explained on the June 2 episode of More Life With Carl Radke. “It wasn’t like how it is now, post-show.”
According to KJ, he felt like work was his purpose “for so long.” So, when Summer House wrapped, and work was slow, he found himself in a bad place.
“Financially, I was in a terrible place,” he shared. “I wasn’t working like how I am now, and I just had nothing. I had nothing. I was homeless for a little bit. I was staying at Ciara’s and Dara’s. It was a mess.”
In addition to having to split time between Ciara and Dara’s homes, KJ said he faced relationship hardships with Dara.
“I was taking out what I was going through on her. And I wasn’t even aware of it, and I also was not in therapy, and I was only on one medication for my anxiety and depression,” he revealed. “I didn’t realize that I had another diagnosis.”
After finding himself in a place of self-harm, KJ ended up hospitalized.
“I cut myself. I don’t mind sharing that,” he confirmed. “But through the dark, there’s light. Because I hadn’t done that since high school. I’ve always dealt with cutting, and it was, at that moment, where I was just like, ‘Oh, I need help.’”
Looking back, KJ said Dara had called Ciara and Mia, who came over and took him to the hospital.
“I was just like, ‘Yup, everything that I just worked hard for and earned is done.’ I remember as soon as I got to the hospital, they stitched me up, and they were like, ‘Do you want to stay?’ And I was like, ‘Yes,’” KJ shared. “But I didn’t want to because I had trauma from when I was a kid, and I had to go to a behavioral institute on my birthday, actually, and my mom was bawling her eyes out because she knew it was the best thing for me, and that changed my life because after that, I stopped acting out.”
“It was the same sort of ordeal when I went to the hospital this time around because my mom was on the phone, like, ‘KJ has so much trauma from what we went through when he was a kid. I don’t know if this would be good for him to go back.’ And Mia and Ciara were just like, ‘Nope, he’s gotta go. He’s gotta go,’” he continued. “And I’m just like, ‘Mom, let me do this.’”
“It was my rock bottom,” he added.
As he worked through his mental health issues through daily therapy, KJ learned he was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
“I remember sitting in the office at the hospital with the doctors, and they were like, ‘You have BPD.’ And I was like, ‘It makes sense now.’ Because I’m a very emotional person. I feel things very deeply … BPD, usually people who have it, they think sometimes things are the end of the world,” he explained.
Then, looking back on when Dara broke up with him during that period, KJ revealed, “She had to because I was just in the worst place ever.”
“Mia told me that she told Dara to do that. And it wasn’t until I got out that Mia told me. And I was just like, ‘Damn,’ because Dara, I think, was gonna hang on. But that wouldn’t have been good for either of us. I needed the time,” he stated. “If me and Dara were dating when I was in recovery, it would’ve been a mess. I would’ve been focused on saving the relationship rather than focusing on my health.”
“Me and Dara’s relationship is thriving and I’m glad that we broke up for a little bit and just worked on ourselves and kinda went our own separate ways,” said KJ in this interview which appeared to have been taped weeks ago.
While KJ and Dara appeared to be very much together just weeks ago, they seemed to have split at the end of last month as they unfollowed one another on Instagram and KJ deleted her photos from his page. And despite not having publicly confirmed a breakup, KJ further fueled the rumors with a telling message on Instagram on Monday, June 1, titled “Heartbreaks & Setbacks.”
“Heartbreaks and setbacks, true love I’ve felt that, love is a rush, but I’m in no rush … Feelings I feel, this time I’ll heal, I’m asking God, what’s the deal … Heartbreaks and setbacks, true love I’ve felt that, hear my heart beat, hear my mind speak … I won’t be silenced, moment of silence, for the ones hurting, I’m with you yearning … To love is to live, to live is to give, I give my all, and I still fall,” his message stated.
“God’s love never fails,” KJ added in a caption.
The Summer House season 10 reunion continues with part two on Tuesday, June 2, at 8/7c on Bravo.