This season of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is bringing a new cast member to shake things up a bit, but it doesn’t take long for the old wounds to get reopened…
It’s the season of new hairdos, new faces (and I don’t just mean a new cast member—have you SEEN the Botox on these women?!), and new drama. Somehow, despite these nearly perfect lives this cast leads, there is ALWAYS, always an issue.
Erika, the yes woman, is all about “today” and prepping to seize the moment. She has learned she just has to “maximize her mother-f*cking time.” Erika loved that she got parodied on SNL, which….is not necessarily a good thing, but I guess she just likes ANY attention. BIG things are happening in her alter ego’s life: Erika Jayne now has an office. And will be singing ballads. And will be getting decked in sequined costumes while grabbing her crotch. All while being wife of the year to her grandfather, I mean husband, Tom.
Rinna’s lips have done the impossible and have actually gotten BIGGER. Both of Rinna’s daughters are now modeling for IMG and they are essentially trying hard to be the bizarro version of Gigi and Bella Hadid. Rinna is a self proclaimed “momager” and I am slightly confused if she wants to be Kris Kardashian orrrrrr Yolanda Hadid. The fam, minus Harry Hamlin (full name always please), all gathers for a vitamin drip to prep for the busy trip ahead of them. Because of the “new found career and success,” Rinna wants to help keep her girls grounded. You know, by like, hiring a private vitamin/cortisone specialist to come to the house. #GROUNDED. And by having Delilah say things like, “Can I hire someone to pack for me, though?” #GROUNDED.
My favorite besties seem to never age-Kyle Richards and Lisa Vanderpump look amazing. Kyle is planning a Vegas trip for Erika and Dorit’s birthday since their birthdays are days apart. Now comes the guest list issue. Are the girls all going to get along for the sake of a party? Fat chance. Kyle half-jokes that she will invite a bouncer for the plane ride, but I think it would be a smart idea.
Dorit Kemsley and her wack accent are back at it again this season. Dorit’s son Jagger has progressed verbally in a huge way and it warms my heart. Because Dorit is really trying to work with her son, she heads over to the Beatbuds Music Class where she gets bombarded by the “new girl,” Teddi. Teddi awkwardly throws herself at Dorit and introduces her husband and children before Dorit can even attempt to say hi. The two blonde bombshells become fast friends discussing their children, home renovations, and hobbies. Does Teddi ride horses? I couldn’t tell. She only mentioned it like 19 times. Dorit immediately finds a way to drag Teddi in the group since Lisa Vanderpump is a horse lover and well, there ya go, Bravo. WE HAVE A CONNECTION.
Kyle pays a visit to Erika Jayne’s new office. How is this lady real life? A stage? A whole room of lights? “If you look good in this light, you look good anywhere.” Remind me never to go in THAT room. Kyle apologizes for missing out on Erika’s Dancing with the Stars stint, but luckily Erika was in a good mood and brushed it off. While Erika is chipper, Kyle suggests a fun girl’s trip to Vegas for the upcoming birthdays. Erika looks shocked she was asked to hang with that gang, but uh…she DID sign up for a TV show with them, right? It is inevitable they would all have to get together. Erika states that Vegas would be the slow start she needed to reboot these relationships.
Over at the new girl’s house…Teddi is gorgeous and seems like a great mom, however, she appears to have lost her pants. She grew up in Hilton H$$d, fell in love with her hubby after a one night stand, and is the daughter of John Mellencamp. So she is basically the coolest one on the show. Sorry, LVP. Also, her BOD. #girlcrush
PK and Dorit blew the house renovation budget. It might have something to do with the custom-made Italian closet. In the meantime, Dorit shares with her hubby that she is a bit nervous about the upcoming Vegas trip and PK doesn’t really do much to ease her apprehension. He just reminds her what a terrible person Rinna is. What a support system.
Later, Dorit sets up a blind date between Teddi and LVP because they both love horses. Lisa adores her immediately and the women bond instantly. Dorit looks like a proud matchmaker since she has set up this great meet and greet. Lisa and Dorit begin to fill in Teddi about the other ladies- all the deets. They’re already tainting Teddi by sharing past issues and explain that they will be going to Vegas to celebrate birthdays. Teddi just about loses her mind when she shares her birthday happens to be….TOMORROW. OMG. So. Many. Birthdays. Dorit and her too tight braids gets OVERLY excited and she immediately invites the woman she has met for 12 minutes on the Vegas trip. After she bashed all of the guests who will be attending.
After we get treated to watching all of the women pack in their outrageously large closets, it’s finally time to celebrate. Camille Grammer joins the gals for the Vegas trip and they all wait around for their private jet. Sigh. Teddi gets introduced to everyone and then gets called out for not liking to shop. The women I think look surprised but their faces are so overworked that I can’t quite tell. Unfortunately, Rinna CAN meet everyone in Vegas. Cue the fake cheering and excitement. Once landed, they roll up to the VIP lounge and get the royal treatment, complete with a personal butler. I mean, WTF. I don’t even LIKE Vegas and I am jealous.
Camille, Kyle, and LVP have a powwow in the room before heading out. Kyle shares she bumped into Harry Hamlin who said, “so what’re we gonna do about your sister? She obviously can’t be around this group ever, ever again.” Essentially, Kyle is not looking forward to Rinna’s arrival cuz she doesn’t wanna hear the words Harry or Hamlin uttered out of her big-lipped mouth.
Getting an inside look at Dorit and Erika preparing for a night out is hilarious. Dorit proclaims she HAS to have her hair and makeup stylists travel with her wherever she goes. Mikey and the glam squad prep Erika with “no polite lips” –always “DSL.” THIS LADY. As they begin to gather in Kyle’s room for the evening, each woman’s outfit is better than the next. And again, Teddi has gone pantless. But like LVP, I’m not hating it. Rinna and her lips make it to Vegas just in time to head out to da club. Wonder what kind of trouble she is gonna get herself into this season…
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