Patricia, Whitney’s mother, rings up Cam to TELL her she is going to be hosting a co-ed baby shower for Cam. Initial thought: how lovely! However, initial thought gets erased as Pat makes it clear that since she is giving the shower, the guest list is her choice. Um. OK. Poor Cam just takes it cuz that’s the power Patricia has over all of these people.
Meanwhile, Kathryn and her rag-a-muffin children hang out and enjoy every moment they have together. Because Kathryn went away to rehab and doesn’t get to spend much time with her kids, she does her best to cherish their visitations. While Kathryn is on mom-duty, Thomas, wearing a white robe, cooks up breakfast for his new lady, Ashley. He serves her breakfast in bed. Initial thought: how lovely! However, his creep side comes out strong when he hands Ashley her plate of scrambled eggs and asks, “Speaking of eggs, how are yours doing?” He is coming in hot wayyyy too early in the morning. The convo between Thomas and Ashley continues being uncomfortable as Thomas says, “I’m just curious if you’ve ever had a pregnancy scare.” Thomas’s new girlfriend states that she utilizes the “this is when I’m ovulating” birth control method, which basically means that there may very well be another spawn of Thomas running around Charleston way sooner than anyone could ever wish. #wrapitup.
To prep for the upcoming birth, Cam hires a birthing coach to come to her house and teach her the ways of…birthing. Because Cam’s husband doesn’t wanna be on tv…I mean he’s “already in the medical field and isn’t as freaked out” as she is, Whitney comes over to hear all of the details. Why, you ask? I don’t know. It’s super weird watching this duo squat and perform pelvic movements together. I think this may be the first time Whitney ever touched a woman before. What gives that away? Perhaps his explanation of Cam’s baby shower theme: super chic, super sixties. Right.
Everyone’s favorite party boy, Austen, meets up with Craig to talk “babes.” Austen reminds Craig that he is single and can take ladies home…but Craig retorts that he wishes he was just gay. He’s just one embroidered apron and hair-quaffing away. Shep joins the guys and lets Craig know that he is rooting for him. That’s sweet of him considering Craig’s in crisis mode after seeing Naomie at the party. “Right now, I just don’t have the closure that I need.” We women are complicated, confusing humans. Good luck trying to figure it out, Craig.
Cam’s really packing in all of this baby stuff in this episode. She invites Chelsea to come to the ultra-sound since the girls are close friends (and because Cam’s husband doesn’t wanna be on tv). Cam has the tannest baby bump I ever did see and although that may be impressive, I am more impressed by the 3D ultrasound. When the tech steps out of the room for a hot minute, Chelsea uses that brief time to discuss her “relationship” with Austen. She is beyond frustrated with the Charleston men, considering that the guy she used to smooch is on “funemployment.” Translation: bar-hopping day in and day out. Austen claims that he is a “local celebrity” and is ready to start his “own thing,” but until then, he will continue slamming back beers cuz that’s way more fun.
Over at Craig’s house, Kathryn comes by to see his new digs and bring him a housewarming gift of herbs. And wouldn’t you know? She brought him the EXACT seeds he uses, too! Who knew? The two have an unlikely friendship as they bond over Craig’s sewed creations, such as pillows and nursing covers. I can’t make this up. Craig jumps in and asks Kathryn how she feels about Thomas’s new girlfriend, Ashley. Kathryn shares that when she was in NY for last season’s reunion, she hooked up with Thomas. So there’s that. WOOPSIE.
On the day of Cam’s baby shower, everyone primps and preps and sews…oh wait, that’s just Craig. We find out that Wilson, Naomie’s gaybae, is her new roommate. He looks like fun considering he’s allowing Bravo to film him while he wears a facemask. Hey. The things we do for beauty!
I don’t know where to begin with this party. It is BEYOND tacky. There are more paisley and floral sport coats than I would ever wanna see in one room and Chelsea states it’s like “Easter Sunday…on drugs.” Thomas looks like an absolute tool in his get-up and Naomie looks like work-out Barbie. I feel like she missed the memo. There is so much pastel at this baby shower, yet Cam, polite as ever, states, “this is beyond fabulous.” Patricia, the hostess, enjoys being told how fabulous she is…I mean the party is..and makes no qualms about her invite list. Patricia seems to be punishing Kathryn by leaving her off of the guest list and Naomie feels like it is her job to try and get Patricia to realize Kathryn is a better person now. When Naomie confronts her, Pat interrupts Naomie and tells the camera, “I just don’t think you need to bring your grievances and issues to light. It’s just not appropriate.”
Later on at the party, Whitney comes out with probably the most disgusting, gory-looking baby shower cake I have ever seen. Patricia states that they will “eat it in the butler’s pantry” just because she wants the world to know she HAS a butler’s pantry I am sure.
While this is going on, Naomie finds Craig standing alone in the mansion and she doesn’t skip a beat. She shares her Patricia interaction with him as if he cares and Craig, ever the good guy, spends some time catching up with Naomie (aka listen to her b*tch). Craig still refers to Naomie as “babe,” but it doesn’t seem likely that they will reconcile. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought this party was for Cam…not for Naomie and Craig to bicker? “You sit home and you sew and you pretend to do things.” As he is busy playing tit for tat with Naomie, the crew is in stitches over Craig’s sew job. Poor guy.
Just as Cam finishes opening her presents, two final guests arrive. “Hey Ms. Patricia. Sorry we are so late!” Enter JD. With his wife…Liz. If you thought they were on a break, I thought so, too. Now Naomie feels like a tool, considering she reamed JD out at the BBQ. She told him that everyone thought he was a piece of sh*t for messing around on his wife, and here they are today, a happy couple.
“Keeping up appearances is important in the south.” Evidently! You can cut the tension with a knife as Naomie hugs JD hello. His smirk says it all…and also, what is up with his fake, high pitched voice? JD and Liz are out just as fast as they came in. It’s almost as if JD paid Liz to show up to the party with him and she was like ok, but only for 4 minutes. Who knows what the story is with those two…but I bet it won’t stay a secret for very long…
TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THE LATEST SOUTHERN CHARM EPISODE? HAS NAOMIE GOTTEN MEAN? OR JUST SPEAKING HER MIND?