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The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Tres Amigas

RHOC Recap Vicki Tamra and Shannon in Mexico

RHOC Recap Vicki Tamra and Shannon in Mexico

It only took two episodes for the girls to show their true colors…and dramatics…again. This episode of the Real Housewives of Orange Count is chock full of gossip, sh*t talking, make-ups, and injury.

TBH: I am team Kelly Dodd right now. Vicki should have NEVER set Kelly’s ex-husband up with a new woman. It’s just awkward and unnecessary. It’s unfortunate that Vicki is blind to the fact that she is straight up wrong. The minute she gets in the car, she phones Michael, Kelly’s ex, to essentially rat out Kelly and her behavior upon hearing the news. Vicki leaves this on Michael’s voicemail: “I just got blasted by your soon-to-be-ex-wife.” Stirrrrring up the drama! Meanwhile, Kelly wastes NO time calling Tamra and telling her the latest. Tamra reiterates that Vicki ruined “girl code” and Kelly does an on-point impression of Vicki screaming. Poor Kelly. You better believe she’s gonna hit up that dating app hard tonight.

The next day, the on-again “besties” Tamra and Vicki pile into a car to head off to Mexico to meet Shannon. No. It’s not the Twilight Zone. I do enjoy the new Tamra. She calls Vicki out right away about the whole Kelly/Michael scenario and explains that Vicki’s loyalty should be to Kelly. Naturally, Vicki gets away with the whole thing because alas, the girls have to put on their sombreros and catch a flight. Obviously.

How bout Jolie’s life, huh? Kelly’s daughter is going to ski school in Aspen! As Jolie gets made up by a hair dresser (for the airplane? For the slopes?), Kelly confides in her kid. “Michael isn’t my friend. You’re my friend, Vicki!” She is FINALLY getting the wrath of Vicki and poor Jolie has to hear her mom vent about her friend drama (this is total mom/daughter role reversal). I mean, Jolie even gives adult-like words of wisdom: “God tells you to forgive. But you don’t have to be buddies.”

Clearly Bravo needed a way to get the new girls some screen time. Emily and Gina meet up at some sort of mommy work out class and Emily looks like she wants to jump into a lake with bricks on. Gina begins to explain that “I love Stroller Strides because…” oh wait. I stopped listening to Gina…just like her kids do. Speaking of kids, Emily’s children are out of control, too. “They’re out to get you. They will hurt you.” My goodness. The way these women talk about their kids is terrible! Neither of them have ANY control over their spawn and I can hardly hear whatever crap these two are talking about over the whining of their children. I think it’s hysterical that Gina is talking about her husband, Matt’s, talent for “poop situations” whilst other mom’s are just sitting around post-workout. I’m already bored with these chicks.

Over at the airport in Puerto Vallerta, Shannon sends her three daughters back to California (alone on a plane) and gets ready to pick up two drunk blondes, Tamra and Vicki. Shannon is pumped to party with her girls. “The last time I was single was 20 years ago!” Shannon is ready to take the “pueblo” with some tequila. She awaits dumb and dumber’s arrival, the 3 women take their shots, and then they fall over, breaking the shot glasses as they hit the ground. Man. I forgot how obnoxious they are when they get together. Vicki pees her pants, Shannon shrieks, and Tamra just gets wasted.

Once they get to the resort, the three stooges head up to their ocean front penthouse and prepare to go out for the night. Shannon screams, “I have not been out in five months and tonight, we’re going out. TRES AMIGAS!” Nothing is worse than watching these ladies get down with their bad selves. They are like celebs at Andales, “this silly hole in the wall bar.” A woman is blowing a whistle while pouring shots down their throats and then finishing it off with an ever PC boob shake. How is this a thing?! Tamra flashes everyone while on the bar top and makes it clear that Shannon needs to “show her t*ts” once in a while. Tamra then proceeds to flash Shannon. Juuuust an average night out.

The girls are drunk and there’s a LOT of boob grabbing going on. I hate this “mature” Vicki…the one who dates Steve and then pretends to be the mom of the group. BORING. Vicki orders street meat for the girls, Shannon slur talks about her future, and Tamra gives a long monologue about relationships. Despite the wastedness, I think it’s hilarious that Shannon calls out Vicki for her “love” of Steve.

I’m legit relieved to see that the ladies made it back to the resort in one piece. Tamra is naked in the hot tub and Shannon yells, “What am I supposed to do? I’m like the fat lady!” Drunk Shannon is incredible. Buuuuut not as incredible as the naked wipe-out that Tamra has. Tamra blames her behavior on having a tough go for awhile and claims that her life is like a country song that goes something like this, “My husband’s heart’s broken. Somebody gives me a shot of tequila.” Yea, I don’t get it either. ANYWAY. Shan joins Tamra in the jacuzzi wearing her Spanx and I am actually laughing out loud at her get-up. The night ends with Tamra cannon balling naked into the hot tub and she fears she may have broken her foot. Talk about a buzz kill.

The next morning, it is confirmed. Tamra broke her foot, ya’ll. She had to take a cab solo to a hospital at 4:20 am cuz her roomies were passed out. The girls, in their matching jammies courtesy of Vicki (“Matching pajama friends make better friends”) count that they took 15 shots of tequila (at least)-gag. That should explain the injury, huh Tamra?

Question: IS Gina married? I’ve noticed she does not wear a ring often and I am beginning to be a little suspect of this “Matt” character. Also. Why is Gina a cast member?

Later, watching Vicki and Shannon try to maneuver Tamra and her broken foot to the beach is like watching a train wreck. Tamra phones her hubby to let him know about her injury. “It sounds like you were drunk as f*ck.” Eddie, you would be correct! Vicki doesn’t help the conversation with Eddie by squealing that Tamra was actually naked when her injury occurred. Tamra is not amused by Vicki’s big mouth and shouts, “No wonder Kelly’s mad at you!” Leave it to Tamra to bring this drama up. Vicki fills Shannon in on the predicament, but Shannon tries to show Vicki how it could be seen as a hurtful move. Shannon further suggests that Vicki just meet up with her and apologize. Easier said than done.

Tamra went too hard the first night and Vicki and Shannon tuck her (and her broken foot) into bed. In the meantime, Vicki and Shannon begin their in-penthouse tequila tasting. The poor tequila guy gets stuck hearing Shannon and Vicki’s life story and I can see the writing on the wall for this duo: they’re gonna get wasted! Shannon claims that tequila makes her like “girls gone wild…” …but it’s more like “girls gone teary.” After a couple of tequilas, Shannon retells her sob story of David leaving her. She goes on to cry about the fact that David already has replaced her and Vicki gives fake friend “wisdom.” I am so sad for Shannon and I want her to pick herself up and move on.

I am rooting for her this season. Buuuut, then again, she went down five notches in my book as she smooches “Aunt Vicki” on lips for a solid 4 seconds. Now Shannon is forever tainted by Vicki’s soul!

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