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Below Deck Mediterranean Recap: Take This Job and Stew It

Below Deck Mediterranean Take this job and Stew it Recap Hannah and Conrad

Mixing business with pleasure does not seem to have been a wise choice as poor decisions are making for a very dramatic work environment for the cast of Below Deck Mediterranean.

1:00 in the morning is ALWAYS the best time to discuss relationship problems. Poor Conrad. He should have never gotten wrapped up with Hannah. Once Hannah walks away from an upset Conrad and heads back to the boat, Conrad stews (pun intended) over his “break-up.” Joao won’t stop badgering him. Conrad loses his mind as a drunk Joao keeps poking Conrad, the angry bear. According to Conrad, “nothing is really going his way.” Luckily, the almost-fight between the two bros gets broken up before things got ugly.

Back on the yacht, Hannah sh*t talks Conrad to Chef Adam and she blames Conrad’s age on the relationship issues. Chef Adam whips up a few late night tostadas before the rest of the crew stumbles back home to the boat. Joao is the drunkest one out of the group and Kasey still won’t get over the nasty words Joao spat at her. Joao said something like, “You talked so much sh*t about it…” except it didn’t really sound like that cuz he was slurring all over the place. Seems like a lot of the crew will be nursing a nasty hangover in the am… The next morning, Captain Sandy talks to Brooke about the night before. Brooke explains that there were some issues amongst the group. Hannah solidifies this statement by stomping around the boat, avoiding everyone (as best as a person can on boat), particularly Conrad.

Suprisingly, Joao actually remembers having words with Kasey the night before. The flirtation is gross because everyone knows Kasey sweats Joao hard. Joao states, “Maybe I didn’t realize how much she liked me,” but I call BS- Joao knows the game he is playing. Joao claims he doesn’t need help from Kasey, but Conrad happens to jump right into the conversation to add his opinion. Conrad makes it clear to Joao that he was out of line last night and that he better back it up a bit.

The next charter guest, Lizzzzzzzzzz, is a friend of Captain Sandy’s. What a small world it is, huh? (Also, how many Z’s can one lady have in her first name?!) Captain Sandy addresses the fact that there are only 3 charters left, so it’s not time to slack off yet. Someone better remind Hannah of this. Poor Brooke and Kasey are forever stuck picking up the slack. Maybe we can blame Hannah’s sh*tty work ethic on being love sick. Conrad, also feeling blue, decides to confront Hannah regarding the messiness of the fight they had. Hannah tries to explain to Conrad that, “It’s my life. Maybe the damage has already been done and obviously there’s no really going back.” She says things like “love is hard enough” and “you can’t be mad at me for how I’m programmed.” The dramatics are too much to hear. Conrad, like a dopey puppy, claims he’d rather “stay and fight” for that troll and it seems like the duo are back at it again. Yay.

Now that everyone is in their whites, the crew greets the newest charter guests. Hannah wants to show Sandy that she “is good at what she does” and she begins giving the guests the grand tour. Sandy’s friend looks like she could kick everyone’s a*s on the boat, so it seems like every one of the punk crew better watch their backs this time around. Sandy gets the opportunity to sit and lunch with her homies and the gals chat about wine and such. Everyone approves of the lunch served and therefore, Hannah believes she deserves a break. This girl…

Joao takes a second to check in with Kasey. “So are we good or do you still think I’m a d*ck?” Well, Joao. To be honest, the majority of viewers think you’re a d*ck, but Kasey, sweet Kasey, continues to flirt with Joao, but camouflaging it like she’s “watching out for Brooke.” Translation: it’s not working, Kasey.

Later, Brooke and Kasey commiserate about Hannah, the “fur-coat, no knickers” chief stew, and how she likes to take all of the glory, but doesn’t enjoy working very much. The girls do all of the dirty work while Hannah and Conrad plan a vacation for the future. Gross. Maybe Hannah should focus on the temperature of the wine. One of the charter guests is a wine connoisseur for crying out loud. Get it right, girl. WARM WINE, yet again! Captain Sandy is displeased about the service, because she is obviously invited to chow with her buddies…for another meal . The charter guests are going gaga for the “New England clam bake” that Chef Adam put together. Captain Sandy is displeased about the service. It’s like ground hog’s day. Particularly when Brooke seems to be catching on to Joao’s slimy womanizing…

Day two of the charter. Hannah and Conrad are back at their old ways of sneaking butts in secret coves and not doing their jobs. Hannah pretends like she is working any time Sandy comes by and finds out the day’s details from the Captain. To shake things up a bit, Hannah sends Joao, Brooke, Colin, and Kasey to set up the luncheon. Hannah is smarter than she looks and knows EXACTLY what she’s doing: she doesn’t wanna haul all that crap up to the lunch spot AND she also loves to stir the pot somewhat. I mean, what do you think would happen putting that foursome together? Sidenote: is it me or has Kasey’s hair become MORE orange throughout this charter?!

Kasey and Brooke are figuring out the true Hannah. Brooke wants to know “What the f*ck does Hannah actually do? I don’t get it. What is Hannah doing?” Brooke is totally a detective this episode. She is tired of having footprints all over her face, courtesy of Hannah. I love how Hannah greets the guests as they return back to the boat with some fresh towels and acts as though it took her hours to fold those suckers. Working hard or hardly working? Lemme guess. Hannah needs a break after that? Chef Adam, on the other hand, takes yachting to the next level. He purchases some fresh octopus from a guy on a nearby fishing boat because “it’s very cool and fun to make same-day fish.” Swoon. “Master” Chef Adam knocks it out of the park for the world’s most boring charter guests. BRING BACK, KENNY. These ladies are a snooze. I mean, even Captain Sandy is happy. Yawn.

Turns out that Brooke and Joao are also planning a romantic trip. Brooke tries to figure out Joao’s past, but as usual, the snakey guy feeds her lines about “not living in the past.” My shady meter is going off! Captain Sandy finally remembered that Jamie is on the boat and therefore decides to give her some responsibility because it’s all about screen time, ya’ll! Before we know it, the charter is over and the crew says goodbye to their guests. Despite Lizzzzzzz’s weak tip, the crew cleans quickly so they are able to rage later. Once decked for the evening, Joao is flirting with Kasey hard and goes as far as “snapping a d*ckie.” Hannah catches Joao in the act and immediately runs back to Brooke. Hannah warns Brooke, yet again, to be careful, as it’s “not a cool move.” I agree. But then again, I also would not be taking relationship advice from Hannah…

TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THE LATEST BELOW DECK MEDITERRANEAN EPISODE?

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