Enough about Lucy Lucy Apple Juice already…for the love! These women are in the BAHAMAS and still can’t keep the gossip and fighting away, especially on this episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
The morning after all hell breaks loose regarding Dorit Kemsley and the dog, Teddi Mellencamp is still reeling after feeling “manipulated” by LVP. Lisa can’t fathom why she is the one getting blamed because she has “gone out of her way not to talk about this publicly.” You know things are bad when LVP can’t even figure out a way to solve this unnecessary dilemma.
The group is splitting up for the day’s activities and it is probably for the best. Some ladies are going snorkeling, some are going shopping, and some are going golfing. Erika Jayne’s sporty look is laughable. I mean, just cuz she looks the part of a golfer doesn’t mean she knows what she’s doing. Teddi joining Erika on the green is proof that even the worst of enemies can make amends from season to season.
Meanwhile, Dorit, Denise Richards, Rinna, and Camille hop on a boat to talk sh*t about what happened last night…I mean, to go snorkeling. Dorit spills about her dog adoption history: it turns out that Dorit actually adopted The FIRST dog from Vanderpump Dogs and that dog was a biter, so she went ahead and adopted Lucy, which brings us to where we are today. Camille tries to remind Dorit that she was a bit shady in her decision to return Lucy the dog, but not all of the girls agree with her. Especially Rinna. “If I were you I would be very upset…” Of course, you would be, Rinna. Anything for 15 minutes of camera time, even if that means picking an unnecessary fight about a subject that you are not even directly involved in.
Kyle Richards and Lisa Vanderpump decide to go shopping- retail therapy always cures an argument with pals. LVP tries not to talk about the events from the night before, but Kyle pokes and prods and continuously attempts to get her to spill. It’s as if this is the only thing these women can think about.
Take Teddi and Erika for instance: They discuss the “well-orchestrated plan to turn two women against each other” aka- the LVP/Lucy the dog fight of 2k19. Teddi tells Erika a deep, dark nugget of information about LVP’s employees at Vanderpump Dogs. “I know 100% they were told to tell me.” WHAAAT. Evidently, LVP informed Teddi of this, as she wanted the Lucy situation to become public knowledge without becoming directly involved.
Over lunch, Kyle attempts to bring up the Dorit and the dog situation again. Kyle explains to LVP that Teddi feels set up (keeeeeep stirring the pot, Kyle). LVP gets on the defensive and reminds Kyle that her employee, John Sessa, was the one who brought it up. Kyle goes a step further and insinuates that LVP may have TOLD John Sessa to say something in front of Teddi. LVP is shocked by this and either she is a really good actress, or this John Sessa guy is a total liar. I feel like we should put Rinna and Kyle in a sh*t stirring room…that’s all those two like to do. The minute the conversation veers from Lucy the dog, they steer it right on back to the drama, drama, drama.
Dinner time. Another chance to get overly dolled up and another chance to pick fights. LVP decides to speak with Teddi prior to dinner to try and clear the air. Right off the bat, LVP wishes to get an explanation for Teddi’s behavior. Teddi states that “from the very get-go” Lisa wanted Teddi to know about the dog scenario. Teddi demands that LVP not confuse the situation and then she goes to her phone for photographic evidence.
She displays some wack teeny tiny screenshots with leading questions answered by John Blizzard, and before leaving LVP’s suite, Teddi apologizes to Dorit. To LVP, she spits, “You are much smarter than you lead on to be.” Dorit is even more confused than she normally is and I have to admit, so am I. I can hardly keep this whole situation straight. I mean, who is John Blizzard?? Teddi returns back to the suite that she shares with Kyle and looks like she is about to flip her lid. She is beyond aggravated and cannot even imagine having to sit at a dinner table with LVP in a few short minutes.
As the women gather around for the last night’s dinner, they catch up on what happened during the day. Once LVP and Dorit arrive, things take an awkward turn. LVP side-eyes Teddi and Teddi hold a staring contest with LVP. LVP claims that she feels “as welcome as a turd in a swimming pool” since none of the ladies are conversing with her. It’s a good thing that she is leaving at 4 in the morning with Kyle.
The ladies toast Dorit and thank her for the lovely trip. It appears as though they all have amnesia and have forgotten about the bickering. Teddi tells the table that she is not a “f*cking fake” and that all of this “feels very yucky.” LVP can hardly stomach this as Rinna shouts, “Why is this happening to Teddi? Why?” At that, LVP leaves the table since she feels ignored, has to wake up early, and has had enough. I don’t blame her one bit.
Naturally, Kyle runs to LVP’s side (demonstrating her 2 faces perfectly) and while Kyle begs LVP to stay, Rinna is on her soapbox applauding Teddi for standing up for herself. Teddi reiterates that she did nothing wrong, Kyle returns back to the table sans LVP, and Denise states, “I don’t mean to be an as*hole, but I don’t know what the f*ck is going on.” Oh Denise, you are my spirit animal.
Lisa Rinna pressures Kyle to “pipe in” and explain what LVP does, but Kyle doesn’t realllllllly wanna say tooooo much, just enough. Rinna is becoming a warrior against LVP. She is rallying to thwart LVP’s power on the throne and it is funny to watch her champion this cause.
On a side note, how extra is Kyle getting her Rolex delivered to the table?!
4:28 am and the adventure for LVP and Kyle in the Bahamas is over. Kyle is 1,000% still drunk from the night before and LVP still wants to talk about Lucy the dog. Sigh. Still in the Bahamas, the rest of the women rally in Dorit’s room for some breakfast to cure their partying before heading home. Dorit is decked to the nines and pretends like she #wokeuplikethis. Despite the yummy food, all the girls agree that they feel a bit of doom. When they return home, the drama will certainly follow them…
Back at home, LVP chats with her hubby, Ken, and explains that she was “hammered” by the ladies. She becomes emotional, until Ken shares that he ran into the infamous John Blizzard. Ken got the texts between Blizzard and Teddi and printed them out. The text evidence is amazing. According to the texts, Teddi appears to be the instigator! GASP. TEDDI tells BLIZZARD to have the dog there when she comes to hang so she can say it looks like Dorit’s dog and then bam- the story gets rolling.
To that, Ken loses it and shouts, “She’s a f*cking liar.” This is the most excitement I have ever seen come out of Ken and I love how passionate he is getting about defending his wife. I don’t know who to believe, but I do know that we haven’t seen the end of this messy situation…
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