On this episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, it’s almost time for the RV trip. Leave it to Kyle to find out if there are glam squads coming. She’s absolutely ridiculous and clearly fearful of the world seeing what the real her looks like sans “glam.”
Dorit tells her own glam squad that she thinks she can live without them for 24 hours, Rinna’s packing as if she is hiking the Appalachian Trail with drunks, and Teddi is doing her best to appear as though she does this sort of thing all the day. She tries to explain how “outdoorsy” she is and compared to her girl gang, Teddi seems the most likely to “rough it.”
Kyle pretends that all “residual feelings” between her and Dorit are history (HA) and Erika and Denise dress the part cuz that makes them true campers. Once Dorit and Camille arrive, it’s time to load up the RV and get this disaster, I mean, party started. Can’t wait to see this trip go “sideways,” in the words of Denise. It doesn’t take long for the girls to talk room arrangements and when they arrive at the market, they go bananas. I love how these women pretend that they actually eat. Regarding mini cinna-buns, Camille said, “We might have to have a nibble.” I mean, it’s a one night trip, yet somehow they manage to spend nearly $700.00 in the grocery store and make Teddi pay it all.
After what I can only assume is a long, miserable ride with those girls, they finally make it to Ventura Ranch. The “tents” that they were expecting are more like one room cottages- they are essentially glamping. Give me a break. Erika and Rinna team up to the room together and Rinna begins to empty the contents of her massive overnight bag.
“Is it a little awkward that I’m 47 and playing beer pong?” Um, no Erika. It’s a little awkward that you’re 47 and “slapping the p*ssy” as you pretend to be a rock star. Watching these women play beer pong is painful, but who knew Dorit had this as her secret talent? She kills the game whilst Erika gets a massage, cuz ya know, she’s too cool to play. Rinna tells Erika that she can’t go face down during a massage cuz she’s “Gotta preserve the plastic.” Obviously. Dorit believes that LVP drew a line in the sand and Erika states that she only cares about the women who show up. Woah, that’s a dig if I ever heard one. As these women talk sh*t about LVP, all I can think about is how much I miss her. Sigh.
Later, Denise, Dorit, and Teddi decide to climb a rock wall. Dorit wins the rock climbing race and now we know where she truly belongs: in the wilderness. When Camille gets strapped in to climb the wall, she blurts out that she is used to the straps as, “My ex and I did some sexy, kinky play.” Ew. I do not wanna picture Camille and Kelsey Grammer doing any of those mental images that Camille unfortunately burned into my brain. Naturally, Kyle makes this rock climbing excursion all about her and her fear of heights. Pathetic, but not surprising.
The grill skills on these women is less than impressive, as they can hardly figure out how to make burgers on the grill and are flipping the meat with a PLASTIC spatula. I am shocked to see that Dorit is the brains of this operation and it’s borderline frightening knowing that she is the leader of this pack of wolves. After much ado and an outfit change by Rinna, the ladies sit down for a BBQ dinner. They discuss Camille’s upcoming wedding and only assume that LVP will not be attending the wedding since she didn’t even come to her shower. Teddi rubs Camille the wrong way when she “inserts” herself into the conversation (yea, I don’t get it either), but I just think anything annoys Camille that doesn’t involve “sexy, kinky play.” Gag.
A fire gets started and girl talk goes next level. Denise shares that Aaron, her new hubby, never had a massage with a happy ending, and being the wonderful wife that she is, she wanted him to have that experience, so they went on “the hunt” for a place that would provide those, um, services. Denise explains that she has had a happy ending massage herself by a woman and the other ladies are appalled and shocked, but of course, wanna hear more. Luckily Denise changes the subject to s’mores and Camille talks about her “incredible sexual encounters” with a man in New York for 30 years. She explains that she would massage his “bunghole” and I am pretty sure she is making that up just to try and fit in with the cool girls.
Camille also wants to make sure if things are okay between Dorit and Kyle now. The whole PK subject gets broached again because it’s time for the trip to go “sideways” after all. Kyle explains that she felt good about her apology text from PK, but here we go again, bringing it upppp. Teddi feels as though PK’s dig at Kyle was deliberate and passive-aggressive. Camille becomes aggravated by this and tells Teddi “You’re very bright but…” Ah, yes, Camille, the smart police. Teddi feels as though Camille is talking down to her, especially when Camille tells Teddi that she feels like Teddi inserts herself in conversations.
Teddi bites back by telling Camille to “stick to the storyline.” Why is Camille even here? Camille digs herself into a deep hole when she “talks out of the sound of her mouth” and comes clean about calling Teddi a know-it-all. Camille tells Teddi, “You insinuate yourself a lot into conversations.” Oh brother. Camille calls it a toxic wave created by LVP, but the rest of the women are riding it out. Dorit calls herself sensitive, as she has felt attacked by both LVP and Kyle. The evening starts to spiral until Denise attempts to lighten the mood again. These women…
The next morning, post-Teddi’s 3.2-mile run, Rinna, Kyle, Erika, and Teddi meet around the picnic table and talk about their “summer camp-esque” evening the night before. Things get awkward when Camille joins them, but Teddi pays no mind to her. After cheese whiz and pumpkin pie for breakfast, the gang calls it a trip and heads back to the RV, but not before talking MORE about happy ending massage places.
Erika invites all the girls to her show Sunday (thanks for the invite) and the RV heads back home. Anyone else notice the RV driver had earbuds in whilst the ladies chat about body image and skinniness? She has the right idea. Rinna talks about self-love and Erika explains that she looks at herself “as an art project.” I can’t. I especially can’t when they start singing “Kum ba ya.” I wonder if that RV driver can lend me her earbuds…please!
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