The Real Housewives of Orange County alum debuted her first tattoo on Sunday in a heartfelt Instagram post, holding a teddy bear with a ribbon displaying her son’s name.
The tattoo, a simple “M” on the side of her left wrist, showcases a powerful, yet subtle reminder of McCoy’s memory.
“This bear weighs exactly 11 pounds and 4 ounces. Exactly the size of the hole in my heart,” the former reality TV star wrote in the post. “But thanks to this thoughtful gift, my arms don’t feel so painfully empty. I can’t quite articulate how much carrying the exact weight of McCoy against my body grounds me. I think my physical need for him will be there forever, the heaviness of his absence always present. But this sure helps. Thank you @kylieraedesigns for this big dude and thank you @mb_jackets for the custom ribbon.”
The mother of daughter Decker, 4, whom she shares with husband Kyle Bosworth, also revealed the tattoo had her son’s ashes in the ink, keeping her baby even closer while they move through their grief.
“He can stay forever in my arms this way, in the place he last rested. I know I’m privileged in my grief, to have the support of so many. It’s very hard to feel lucky right now, and yet, somehow, I know I am.”
Kara also shared how she was ready for the “dick kicks to stop” as random strangers and family friends ask about the baby’s status, saying, “The baby should have been born by now, right?”
“When I say ‘It’s okay,’ I don’t mean ‘I’m okay,’ I’m saying I know you didn’t know,” she continued. “But I promise, you’re not upsetting me by ‘reminding’ me, I’ll never need a reminder. I’m just sad that the answer to your question isn’t what I hoped it would be. It should be a joyful Q&A, not a landmine. It should be different. Instead, here I am, clutching a stuffed toy wishing it was a real boy.”
She concluded her post with a message to the “Instead Mamas:”
“I thank you especially for all the continued comfort, encouragement, and love,” she said. “And you’re right, it is getting easier to bear. (Look! I even did a pun. Good for me.)”