Things are still a bit unsettled amongst the group, but that’s not stopping the weekend getaway to Santa Barbara. Kyle is thrilled to bring the girls there because she has such fond memories, as her father lived in Santa Barbara when she was a little girl. Too bad it’s about to be marred by these b*tches. OMG. Kyle speaking Spanish to her housekeepers is enough to make me gag.
Dorit is the first to arrive at Kyle’s and it’s for the best since they left off on a pretty rocky note the other night. Kyle attempts to smooth things over with Dorit, despite the fact that Kyle told her to STFU in the heat of the moment. Dorit hasn’t backed down from her point: Kyle is closer to Teddi. I am not sure WHY this bothers Dorit so much or why this is even an ISSUE. But alas, Kyle basically begs Dorit to have fun with her on this trip so they can all (hopefully) move on for the time being.
In the meantime, Garcelle is a busy bee. She calls her producing partner, and the ladies chat about all of their projects. She has ZERO time for this group of ladies, and while they are out gallivanting/biting each other’s heads off, Garcelle will be working on TV shows and movies. Boom.
Little by little, the rest of the women trickle into Kyle’s house, ready for a rager of a girls’ weekend. Erika is still a bit miffed by Kyle’s recent “friend” comment, but she pastes that smile on and turns on her acting. It’s a good thing, too, since she will need to practice those skills for her Broadway debut.
Denise will be joining the group later since is too busy acting on The Bold and the Beautiful. I love it when the Housewives actually have something else to do. Sure makes the others look like super losers, no?
After a car ride that obviously causes anxiety for Kyle (to be fair, what doesn’t?), they arrive at this stunner of a house that’s a mere $2,500 a night. The ladies get settled and prepare for the first activity of the day. It looks fun as they drive surreys and start wine tasting. I’m sure this is still considered drinking and driving, but alas, I am not here to suck the fun out of the event. Poor Teddi sits and watches as the ladies suck down wine. She is not even pretending to be a good sport.
While awaiting Denise’s arrival, Kyle asks the group if she should say something to Denise re: their recent issues. Kyle learns that Denise has been talking to everyone in the group about her feelings except Kyle. Interesting… They all begin putting in their opinion on Denise. And Erika goes on to make a joke
in very poor taste about how Denise shouldn’t be offended that her 14-yr-old daughter heard the threesome talk because teens that age likely already have knowledge or experience with, wait for it, three-ways.
“They already know if they haven’t had one already,” said Erika. Yep. She went there. Seriously Erika??? Yikes.
On cue, in Denise strolls, tequila in hand. Denise coming in with her own booze is pretty bad a*s. Proof that she doesn’t play. They decide to FaceTime Garcelle — as if Garcelle cares what is happening on this wack trip.
Back at the house, the women put on their best outfits and primp like crazy…. all for a dinner in the house. That always cracks me up. The private chef begins service and the chit-chatting ensues. Denise talks about acting in Wild Things and it all seems very much like a set-up. Like the women are showing Denise she isn’t a prude, so she shouldn’t be mad about the threesome comment her daughter overheard.
Leave it to Rinna to make things even more uncomfortable. She doesn’t hold back, which is why we all equally love her and hate her. She straight-up asks Denise, “What’s it like to shoot a three-way?” in a movie. Some dinner conversation. LOL. The girls can’t stop asking and prodding about Denise’s acting history, and Denise realizes that she hopes her children never see her early film collection. Whoops.
Obvi Rinna thinks she can relate to Denise, as Rinna’s girls read some risqué things in her book. When Rinna explains she taught her daughters how to give blow jobs “right,” I nearly choked. Rinna calls it the real world. I call it “this lady is crazy.”
Out of nowhere, Kyle apologizes to Denise for the other night. Kyle calls herself defensive, Denise calls the group opinionated, and it doesn’t seem like this will be ending on a high note. Regarding the ice sculpture, Denise lets Kyle know that Eloise picked it out and that should 100% make Kyle feel bad. Kyle falls back a step when she hears that, and Denise reminds everyone that they have no idea what goes on behind closed doors in houses.
Denise is still hung up about the threesome thing and is shocked that the women aren’t understanding why she is so bent out of shape. When Sutton suggests kids not be invited to adult parties, Denise snaps back. Erika reminds Denise that it’s nothing the kids haven’t heard before, but Denise is mortified that her children heard it from their mom and their mom’s friends.
After much ado and after it BECOMES a big deal, Denise states that it’s “not that big of a deal” and says she doesn’t wanna talk about it anymore. Case closed. For a lady who doesn’t care, she has brought it up more times than she said “happy ending” last season. The women head off to bed, but naturally, the two best friends, Teddi and Kyle, stay up. Like two mean girls, they discuss Denise’s passive-aggressive ways, and Teddi just sides with whatever Kyle says.
The next morning, I am reminded that Rinna should also wear her sunglasses in the a.m., much like Erika does. It’s for the viewers. None of the women were able to sleep well, and that might have to do with the emotional roller coaster from the previous night.
Rinna suggests the girls stop “pussyfooting around” and come clean with their issues that are bubbling below the surface. Dorit kicks it off by saying Kyle upset her when she said Erika isn’t as tight with Dorit. Then Erika begins to let Kyle know she is an a*shole. She didn’t like her “you don’t have any friends” comment. I love how Kyle is finally being called out for her BS behavior after all these years.
I was starting to get concerned that Teddi lost the ability to speak throughout all of these arguments until she tells Dorit, “I don’t need to be shaded in a friendship situation unless you really don’t like me.” Hot damn. The sun just rose and these people can’t stop bickering. After Teddi FINALLY speaks up, Kyle gives making amends her best shot. It’s pretty weak, but I feel like most of those ladies bought it.
Of course, when it seems like everything is just about resolved, Rinna sticks her neck out again. She dives right back into stirring the pot and tells Denise that the way she left the conversation yesterday essentially sucked. When Denise claims she is not a judgmental person, Erika reminds her that she was a bit judgey the night before. ‘Tis the season where no one is safe, I see…
Erika claps back to Denise: “You can’t talk about happy endings and say we are the bad moms.” Touché. The ladies start going into Denise HARD. They call her a hypocrite and then Rinna goes for the jugular. Rinna straight-up asks if Denise talks about Charlie’s hookers in front of her children. Ouch. And for Rinna to have the nerve to ask if we all feel better now that everything’s on the table?? I wasn’t even directly INVOLVED, and to be honest, in the words of Kyle, I feel “fan-f*cking-tastic…”
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