This week on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, we will have an “Italian invasion” in Ireland. Let us listen to some Celtic music to drown out the grating sound of the RH crew, shall we?
Melissa is having Danielle come to Envy to promote her pop-up shop for her clothing line so Envy can open again to be able to liquidate their inventory. She gives her a small rack in her store to sell her products. Jennifer comes to the event, and she is looking for some green outfits for their trip to Ireland. She asks Melissa if she was upset about her and Dolores being added to the wedding party. Melissa thinks that Teresa has created this divide. Jennifer, Tre’s loyal soldier, concludes that Teresa has extended an olive branch and Melissa should grab on to that gnarled piece of wood — even though she will end up with a lot of hairy splinters.
Melissa asks Danielle what happened with Rachel, and she calls her a rat. She recognizes that the worst thing you can call an Italian is a rat. Danielle believes that Rachel was running her over with the bus. She thinks that Rachel is a b*tch, and you can see this loudmouth does not like to be busted. Danielle forgives but never forgets — sounds familiar, right? Would that be considered another old-school Italian tradition?
Dolores is visiting with Paul’s brother David and his wife, and they seem like a jovial couple. She loves Paul’s family and has really enjoyed getting to know them. Dolores has found a castle in Westmeath for their trip, but she is concerned about bringing this spoiled group of women to Paul’s home country. Paul said they should watch their behavior since the Irish will mimic your good and bad behavior. He should know that even the Irish have boundaries that they will not cross!
Margaret shares with Joe that she found the reader to be an imposter. DUH, Marge, everyone could see through that nonsense. Marge does seem to be concerned over what Laura has shared with Jennifer and Teresa.
Louie says it is impossible to have a conversation with Joe because he is not falling for his fake a*s. He does not have the energy to deal with Joe nor complete access to Tre’s bank account yet. Teresa claims in her ITM that Louie took a beating and lost money. Side note: Louie has zero credibility IMO, and he is a talented sycophant who has convinced Teresa he is the best thing to have ever happened to her.
Jennifer tells Bill that she is planning a bachelorette party for Teresa. She is planning to avoid Marge since she has done so much damage to her family. Jennifer asks Bill to spend more time with the kids, and he offers to give up golf to spend time with them. She does not want Bill to run away from them and hide out in the pool house. Bill will consider going back to counseling, but I think he is just placating her…
The ladies are headed to Ireland, and it is gorgeous there. Rachel is not going to let Bougie Barbie ruin her trip. WTH is Marge wearing? Did she borrow something from Danielle’s dirty clothes hamper? Jen F. shares that she slept with James Gandolfini. She went to an S&M bar with him, and she sees him as the one who got away. WOW, great story — Jen slept with Tony Soprano, why isn’t that the storyline for this season instead the Bride of Louie-kenstein?
Melissa wants to know if the castle is haunted. She needs to be more concerned with running into Teresa in the dark while she is looking for a bathroom. Melissa will have to suffer with her little mirror. She is afraid to sleep in there by herself, so she will be moving so she can bunk with someone else
who has better lighting and mirrors. Jennifer has got a gorgeous room, and she is gleeful since you know she already sleeps in a castle.
Dolores tells Jackie that she needs to watch what she says since she has gone too far with her inquiry on Danielle’s family discord. Jennifer finally admits to telling Angie the healer that she and Marge were fighting. She admits in her ITM that she did in fact tell the reader the night before a complete breakdown of everything she wanted her to put them on. Marge was right in this one, and Teresa defends Angie since she was spot on when she told her that Prince Charming was named Louie-
Jennifer is bursting at the seams to share what Marge’s ex-BFF Laura has shared. She is enjoying watching Marge squirm because she loves to see her sweat — but this whole crew is melting before our eyes since there is no AC in the castle. Teresa’s skin looks like molten lava was baked onto her face and is now melting and pooling around her inflatable lips.
Jennifer does not want to tell Danielle what she knows since she would appear to be a hypocrite. She had a whole storyline last season thanks to the story Marge outed last season. Jennifer then tells Danielle that Laura told her that someone saw Melissa make out with a guy. She says that Teresa wanted to know this information about Melissa. Danielle now says she wished she did not know this stuff. Sure right, I could see that you started glowing when you heard this.
They have planned a pub crawl for Teresa’s bachelorette party. Teresa recalls her first bachelorette party, and she thinks that “Channing Taming” could have been a stripper she saw. She comes clomping down the stairs like a giant Clydesdale in a white tutu. Tre thinks she is Marilyn Monroe and there are similarities — Marilyn also had poor taste in men too.
Jen F. then opens the Pandora’s box of countless years of division. She asks Teresa why she picked Dolores and Jennifer to be bridesmaids. Teresa then babbles that they are big supporters of Louie and have liked him from the beginning. She then spews out some nonsense about being nervous over asking them since she did not want another problem with her brother. Jennifer then states the obvious: Melissa was only invited to the wedding out of obligation.
Teresa then shares some breaking news by saying, “I’m not perfect, like, I do make mistakes.” She then pivots and makes it Joe and Melissa’s fault that Donna was not invited to the wedding. Teresa then adds more salt to the wound and shares she invited a lot of the moms at this table to her wedding. She then continues to spew more nonsense from those overlubricated lips about being the coolest sister.
Teresa can only see this situation as another opportunity to be able to throw her under the bus. She then richly says that she has never thrown Joe under the bus. Melissa cannot take one more minute of this insane talk and wants to only talk about positive things. Jackie and Jen F. decided to lighten the mood and gave us two limericks, which helped to lighten the mood — for now…
Next week, Teresa will talk about Antonia. I do not think that Melissa will be able to remain silent over that diss. Have a happy Wednesday, and join me on Saturday night for our RB podcast! If you are interested in co-hosting, please email me at [email protected].
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