RHONJ Recap: Melissa Admits She Wants to Drunk Dial Her Ex Amid Cheating Rumor as Margaret Goes Below the Belt During Fight With Danielle

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RHONJ Recap: Melissa Admits She Wants to Drunk Dial Her Ex Amid Cheating Rumor as Margaret Go Below the Belt During Fight With Danielle

Let us rejoin our Real Housewives of New Jersey for some more fun in Ireland. Who will be able to catch the c*ck to earn some good luck? Let us get this hen party started, shall we?

The ladies head back in the van to the castle to get some rest. Melissa is feeling all groovy and all horned up after she has sneaked her glass of wine out of the restaurant. She even wants to drunk dial her ex-boyfriend, and Tre’s caterpillar eyebrows rise in tandem upon hearing this. Melissa obviously is afraid of sleeping in her own room, so she crashes with Marge.

The next morning, Marge is insistent she is not a boogawolf, and you can see she is offended by this label. Danielle thinks hanging out with this friend group is a mind f*ck. Sweet darling Danielle, you must have a mind of your own to f*ck first! Melissa has now awakened from her alcoholic stupor and has lost her voice, and she is hiding beneath her green hoodie.

Dolores has Paulie’s family come over to meet the other ladies. She admits to falling in love with Paul’s mom Claire before she fell in love with Paul. Dolores used to have to do the walk of shame when she stayed with them. Claire would lovingly call Dolores a hussy while sipping her tea and eating her biscuit.

Jennifer tells Claire that they are already planning Dolores’ wedding. Claire looks like she might be pleased if that were to happen. Danielle gets emotional hearing Paul’s sister talking about their relationship. Teresa is now giving Melissa compliments on how she was with her parents when she first met them. She loves how Melissa thought it was “cute” that Mama Gorga called her a putana since she did not sleep on the futon but in her beloved little boy’s bed.

Claire gets to see the guys’ sexy calendar, and she sees nothing hot about this calendar. She is a wise lady and must wonder about what her poor son is getting himself into. Jennifer has planned a bachelorette party — but with no c*ck and balls swinging in your face. She is going to have a dignified hen party instead of a bachelorette party.

The ladies head to a farm, and they meet a young Irishman named Peter. He is teaching them to play “catch the cock.” It will give you good luck if you are able to catch the hen. Teresa wants Melissa to team up with her to catch the cock. She proudly catches one and strokes the cock, and that is how she ended up with Cock-a-doodle-Lou. Marge and Danielle attempt it, but Marge is the only one who’s able to grab and stroke it.

Peter then has the ladies draw some murals depicting Teresa’s life journey. Teresa does not want anyone to include bars since she is traumatized about being in jail. Peter sweetly gives Teresa a puppy to console her. She seems confused at first about what he is passing to her, but then she can identify it from the flashcards that Louie has schooled her with. Louie knows in order to communicate with this dolt she needs to brush up on her ABCs with pictures!

Melissa — whose eyes are covered in giant glasses — pretends to get emotional when she draws the Gorga family for her mural when they came from Italy. Teresa hugs it out with Melissa, and it makes me wonder, what in the Lucky Charms has this crew been eating? Jackie does a mural of Tre’s kids when they were little and really does not offer any other meaningful content to the episode. Jennifer does the table throw mural, and she is pleased with how she depicted Tre in it. She does have a likeness to Shrek in her mural…

Teresa now gets emotional and says she now wants to invite Melissa and her family to be in/at/over her wedding. She believes it will make it complete. Teresa then backpedals when her Fact Checker Jen checks her to make sure she is meaning what she is saying. She then says all she wants is happiness and peace. Tre wants the gold at the end of the rainbow because they are in Irish!?! Side note: I would like to know what story Tamra Judge is holding on to in her arsenal when she mentioned some incident with Juicy Joe and Tre.

Teresa announces that Louie asked Bill to be at their wedding because the groomsmen are dropping like flies. She says that they support their relationship, and that is all this twit wants to be surrounded by, and Teresa then hurtfully says that she has no family. Rachel is concerned about Danielle when she breaks down about her brother. Danielle is a sniveling mess in this episode watching this family get to a place of no return. The ladies are going to an Irish spa, which is essentially a mud bath. They consider the bog to be a natural exfoliator for your skin. Melissa and Teresa at first do not partake, but then they jump in together. Dolores has planned the final dinner at the castle where they will have a whiskey tasting.

Back at the castle, Danielle calls Nate and tells him about getting upset over her brother. She says that everyone has been awful to her. Holy leprechaun!!! Marge looks like the Wicked Witch with her black skirt. She shares that Lexi has moved into the guest house after her divorce. Side note: Marge might get a taste of her own medicine with Lexi moving in.

The ladies have a fancy dinner where they all get dressed up. Melissa is wearing a blue/green dress, and I cannot decide if I like it or not. We then go back to the Jersey guys and find that they are getting together back at home. Frank is coming over to show off his weed from his new business venture. Louie is not there because he is still suffering from COVID sickness. Joe tells Bill that he and Jen are afterthoughts after being picked two weeks away from the wedding. The guys decide to smoke weed together. Bill tells Joe to smoke weed and have a conversation with Teresa since that works at his house.

The ladies begin their whiskey tasting. Jennifer is trashed after the tasting. Danielle then opens her bedazzled mouth like a bullhorn and tells Rachel that she should have shared that she was part of the arsenal conversation too. She then screeches for everyone to calm the f*ck down when she is clearly the one losing her sh*t.

Danielle then claims that Rachel changed everything and made her out to be the bad guy. FINALLY, it is said that Margaret should be furious with Teresa and Jennifer, who went to Laura. Margaret then goes low and tells Danielle that she will always have problems in her family if you only forgive and do not forget. She will never have a clean slate in her family if she keeps bringing up old family spats. Jennifer thinks the ladies are behaving like mean girls and hurting Danielle where she is the most vulnerable.

Dolores then reminds the group they are leaving early in the morning. Danielle, who is clearly shaken by what Margaret said, has no fight left in her and is done with this conversation. She has managed to bring attention to herself and the lack of a relationship with her brother this entire episode. Danielle better start forgiving and forgetting, or she will end up like the Gorgas with their cesspool of dysfunction.

Next week, Teresa is having her bridal shower and more wedding events. Hope you all are having a great week! Please let me know at elizabeth@realityblurb.com if you are interested in co-hosting with me on the RB Podcast.