Mary Cosby opened up about the devastating loss of her son, Robert Cosby Jr., on last night’s season seven premiere of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
After returning to production three weeks after Robert Jr.’s overdose, which came after years of battling addiction, Mary, 53, was seen entering her son’s room to find his dog, Kray.
“I have been avoiding Bubs’ room. But his dog went in there,” she explained amid a confessional on the September 16 episode.
According to Mary, she allowed the dog inside Robert Jr.’s room after he died.
“When this first happened, we took Kray to Bubs’ room and let him smell the room, smelled his clothes that he had on, and he knew. He knew. Bless his heart,” she recalled.
Mary went on to say that she felt as if Robert Jr.’s dog was a “piece of” him.
“They had the most beautiful bond, so it’s like a piece of Bubs is left. And every time I see him, I think of my kid. I think of my son,” she shared. “Stuff like that just comforts me. Helps me get through. It’s a blessing, and I just, I don’t want to lose it. I don’t want to lose me, so I’m trying not to go to that dark place. I don’t want to cry about it because it doesn’t do any good.”
“I miss him. He was my best friend,” Mary continued. “He had that love for me that I never experienced. He loved big. His love was just, I mean, you could see it through his eyes, you could feel it come out of his body. I miss our conversations; I miss his company. He was my gift. And I loved him like I never loved anything.”
Mary then discussed Robert Jr.’s homegoing, saying it was “one of the most beautiful services [she had] ever been in.”
“So many people stopped by, so many people have reached out, I get messages daily, at least a thousand, ‘Praying for you, here for you.’ I don’t know how I can thank them. I don’t know how I can reach them, but I hope they’re watching. I hope they see me, and I just want to tell them thank you,” she said.
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During another scene, the ladies, including Lisa Barlow, 51, Bronwyn Newport, 40, Heather Gay, 52, Angie Katsanevas, 52, Whitney Rose, 39, and Meredith Marks, 54, gathered to discuss their support of Mary.
“The other day when I talked to her, I’m like, ‘Hey, I just had some stuff dropped off for you to share.’ And she’s like, ‘With who? You guys? That’s all I’ve got right now,’” Lisa recalled.
“She said it was important that all of us were talking and getting along,” Bronwyn replied.
Meanwhile, Heather pointed out that the group has “definitely taken each other for granted and probably been very careless with the bonds we have.”
“Something like this should remind us how fragile our relationships are. In these moments, we’re gonna need each other,” she stated.
“Yeah,” Angie agreed as she mentioned that Whitney has been silent.
“I can’t talk cuz I cry when I talk,” she explained, then adding, “But my heart is heavy right now for a lot of reasons. We all have things that we need to work on. I have things I want to apologize for.”
“I think you can read between the lines,” Whitney added as the camera moves to her on-screen foe, Meredith.
As Whitney softened, however, Meredith dug in her heels.
“Whitney does have a lot of things to apologize for,” she said in a confessional. “But right now is not the time or place.”
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Another moment saw Mary describing her castmates as “family.”
“You see your family when you go through something. You see who is real, which tells me what’s in each and every one of you. There’s something good there in all of you. It’s beautiful. It’s bigger than us. You guys are my family even though I didn’t ask for you,” she shared, quickly clarifying that she was “just kidding,” which sparked laughter from her co-stars, who joked that they were the “sisters [Mary] never wanted.”
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While much of the episode was about how Mary had been coping with the loss of Robert Jr., it began with Mary and her cousin, Big Joe, discussing Robert Jr.’s February 3 release from jail, where he had been serving time on charges including assault and violating a protective order.
“I’m super excited. I’m super happy. It’s scary. I don’t want it to go left. I need it to stay right, but he’s good,” Mary said, per PEOPLE, as Big Joe recalled Robert Jr. declaring he was “clean” when he picked him up.
As the show continued, revealing that Robert Jr. had died just 20 days later, Mary confirmed she returned to filming on RHOSLC to be with her castmates.
“I have to move forward,” she said. “Robert would want me to keep going. His spirit will live with me forever. He helped me see life. He was a little light.”
Mary then thanked the cast for “all showing up for [her]” and admitted she was “at peace” that Robert Jr. was no longer “battling.”
“He’s not struggling and wanting me to help him, and I couldn’t,” she said. “That’s the type of guilt that a parent has to deal with. You just don’t know how strong you are until you absolutely have to be. It should not be a parent burying their [child]; it should be the other way around. I only had one, you know? But we can overcome anything.”
As the episode came to an end, Mary was seen at church with her husband, Robert Cosby Sr.
“Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being strong. I wouldn’t choose to go through this with no one else,” she said.
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City season seven airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.