HOW did it take these people THIS long to realize what their lives would be like on 90 Day Fiance?! Unbelievable….
David & Annie:
Oh boy…these two. After last week’s explosive episode where David was tanked and spitting out lewd, not funny jokes, Annie, David, Chris, and Nikki decide to meet for lunch to discuss the events at a TAVERN. Like, come on guys. At least TRY to make it a little easier for David, who has promised sobriety to Annie until the wedding date. With one sober day down, Annie seems pleased with David’s progress and David is as proud as punch to explain the new ultimatum to Chris and Nikki. As the crew, and David’s large gold necklace, settles in, I have one thing on my mind- who is paying for this lunch?!
Annie begins to explain “the dream day” (in Chris’s words) she had with David yesterday and discusses the sex shop they just happened to pop into. David adamantly denies that he may have a drinking problem, yet still has a frat guy mentality and only drinks to “get drunk.” Nikki calls BS and states that “actions speak louder than words.” David looks legit scared when Nikki basically says if David has more incidents like the one he had with her brother Antonio, he will be out the street. But not Annie. Annie can stay, cuz, she’s cool.
Speaking of cool, can we discuss Annie’s black leather ensemble for her girls night out with Nikki? So hip. Nikki explains that tonight her and Annie are going to get dinner, get drinks, and go dancing. Looks like Annie didn’t take the same no booze vow she made David take… Long story short, Nikki finds out that her and Chris are legally responsible for Annie for 10 years. Chris left that bit of information out when he explained how Annie needed to be co-sponsored by him. Nikki looks more shocked than she did when her brother almost beat up David and I feel bad for her since her husband is essentially David’s ATM.
Nikki and Chris bring David out sans Annie to discuss the bombshell news that Nikki found out during girls night. Nikki is angry! She is sending David packing and putting her foot down- no more hand outs! Except the house in Kentucky. Oh and the car. But after that, nothing else! Looks like David will be getting lucky in Kentucky. David looks more terrified that he may actually have to get a job now, but Nikki makes it clear that this roomie business in LA is over.
David and Annie arrive in Kentucky and Annie is not very pumped about this situation. They roll out in the Hummer, provided by, you guessed it, Chris and pull into their (temporary) home sweet home, also provided by Chris. It turns out to be an old fire station and leaves much to be desired. Annie’s face says it all and David looks like he could use a drink.
Molly & Luis:
With only 15 days to go until the big day, Molly begrudgingly finds herself wedding planning solo since her lovely fiancé and his pink shirt/bow tie combo decided to rage all night at the strip club. Molly basically has a third child with Luis. She does her darndest to wake him up from his slumber since it is mid-afternoon, and lays into him for not coming home by his 10 pm curfew. Luis declares that this night was his “first fun day” since being in America and I say OUCH. The best day you’ve had was at a sleazy strip club with brother Jess? Maybe they should put the breaks on with this wedding business. Molly further explains how she felt gypped since SHE left her bachelorette party at the time they decided on earlier in the evening. Luis feels nothing and simply explains that he needed a “break” and he needs “more days off.” Um, hold up. You’re not working, Luis. Imagine what he will be like when he is actually a working man?! Molly- get out now before it’s too late.
Molly, of course, is trying her best to make this relationship seem normal and work out. She brings the gang to the ice cream parlor- Luis, Olivia, and Kensley. Molly really is trying to get Luis used to the role of a parent, yet all he’s thinking about is another night out. He offers zero help when Kensley drops her ice cream and tells Molly that “you need to educate your daughter.” He says these snide remarks all while rocking this jerky smirk. He then says that he would be “more happy sleeping than being here.” Luis is the worst. So rude! And Molly just shrugs it off that he has some maturing to do. I think he has a ways to go.
Elizabeth & Andrei:
First things first, I would never meet Andrei on a golf course because GOLF CLUBS. Andrei is insane. If I were “Mr. Chuck” (Elizabeth’s dad), I would run. Fast. Andrei has never played golf before because he was “not interested,” which totally offends Mr. Chuck right off the bat. Strike one. Mr. Chuck is snarling at Andrei, yet trying to get his point across to him. He basically explains that Elizabeth is quite superficial and doesn’t wanna be driving around in a clunker and then drops a riddle on Andrei. Q: “Do you know the difference between Elizabeth and her sisters?” A: Her sisters married older, richer men. Andrei doesn’t seem affected as he swings away at the ball, presumably pretending the golf ball is Mr. Chuck’s head. Mr. Chuck finally lays it all out there and states that Andrei and Elizabeth will have to either sink or swim. Strike two. Elizabeth’s dad will not be supplying any money for this wedding since Andrei did not ask him for Elizabeth’s hand in marriage. It really rubbed him the wrong way and I am sure that Andrei’s lack of emotion added fuel to the fire. Strike three. Andrei’s out.
Elizabeth is too deep in love with Andrei to recognize that their situation is not the best, but Andrei is apparently feeling the pressure of money. He suggests that they get married BEFORE the 90 days, so that Andrei can start working and he promises her that they could have a celebration afterwards. Elizabeth, you’re superficial side is showing— Mr. Chuck knows best. She is freaking out because she has this idea for “the wedding of her dreams” and town hall doesn’t cut it. In the end, Andrei forces, I mean talks, Elizabeth into the quick wedding. At the bridal gown shop, Elizabeth’s mom tears up about her baby daughter getting married so quickly while Elizabeth’s sisters beat a dead horse and question the relationship. But, it seems like Elizabeth does everything quickly. Quick courtship. Quick proposal. Quick wedding dress shopping. One and done. At least we can say that Elizabeth is decisive.
Elizabeth and Andrei seem to find the perfect wedding venue in the middle of the woods and (SHOCKING) Andrei likes it! Elizabeth breathes a sigh of relief. This venue looks like a boy scout project gone wrong, but hey that’s why they make vanilla and chocolate. Elizabeth worries about who of her family will actually show up to the wedding, but let’s be real. They’re all coming. There’s no way this family will miss out on being on TV, but good try!
Evelyn & David:
Cue the guitar strumming. Evelyn’s practicing her craft whilst wearing a Billy Cosby sweater when her mother walks into the room and asks for help folding laundry. Like any normal 18 year old, Evelyn groans, but UNLIKE any normal 18 year old, Evelyn and her mother begin the world’s most awkward sex talk. Ever. This is like new level awkward birds and the bees discussion. Why, you might ask? I don’t know, maybe because this is how it went down.
Evelyn: “It seems uncomfortable and unnatural, being together, naked.”
Mom: “There are things to learn.” (gag)
Evelyn: “Am I even going to LIKE it?”
Mom: “Penises are designed for vaginas. It’ll work fine.”
David, you got yourself a real gem. However, Evelyn makes it very clear that David does not appreciate Evelyn talking like this to her mother. Be thankful, David! Otherwise, who knows how your first night would go down?
Evelyn, dressed as a mime now, hits up the lingerie store with Mikayla, her BFF, who has since reconciled with David. Evidently, Mikayla knows ALL about lingerie and suggests they just “walk in circles until they find something.” I am experiencing second hand embarrassment so badly. Mikayla actually has to explain what a THONG is to Evelyn. Evelyn realizes that there are two categories with lingerie: “Cute, classy, sexy, and slutty and I’m not opposed to either.” WOAH. Performing on stage is very different than performing in the sheets, GF, yet Evelyn is essentially insinuating that David is a prude. Pot. Meet kettle.
Evelyn continues to kill it this episode with her outfits. She rolls up to David’s apartment to cook him dinner in her 1950’s housewife dress, because, ya know, you gotta look the part. Evelyn claims to be going ALL out by making a cheese quesadilla! Poor David. After dinner, Evelyn decides NOW is the time to talk about sex with her husband to be. David gets incredibly awkward upon hearing the word intimacy and decides they will just “figure it out” once they get married. He gets SO uncomfortable and defensive that he needs to “take the shortest break in the history of breaks.” Really, it’s just a “shut up Evelyn” break. David is a 27 year old man who cannot even utter the word “sex” and is super stressed about the upcoming events- marriage and sex included. Red flag?
Josh & Aika:
It’s so nice of TLC to squeeze Josh and Aika into the episode. Josh decides he wants to talk things out with Aika who has a big case of baby fever. Aika wants kids ASAP- 3-5 months. Josh has to explain one minor detail to Aika: he was “fixed” (in other words, he had a vasectomy). Aika doesn’t want to hear how difficult it is to reverse this procedure. She states that his vasectomy was the “biggest mistake” Josh has ever made, but I beg to differ. Have you forgotten that he lives in a house with a bunch of friends? Or that he’s over the age of 16 and still wears gauges? Or better yet the accusations his ex-wife is making against him? Aika calls Josh out for making empty promises before she came to America. Give the lady a baby already! Then she can get back to that modeling career…
Nicole & Azan:
Azan opens up to the viewers that he’s mad at Nicole for cheating. Has he forgotten that he should be mad at her for beating him up last episode?! Cheating seems pretty low on the totem pole there buddy. You almost got yourself a black eye! Azan tells Nicole that she doesn’t respect him and that’s 100% true. He questions “what am I doing with this girl?” Amen, Azan. Looks like someone weighed his options and realized that a couple hundred bucks each month from an American girl isn’t quite worth this. However, upon talking things through with Nicole, they both decide, ah what the heck?! Let’s give it a go again. This couple is all over the place. While they are making up, all I really want to know is, where is MAY?
Nicole skypes with her mom where they talk about how Azan is doing as a “father figure” for May. They THEN talk about how the relationship with Nicole and Azan is going. Cart before the horse much? I feel like maybe the relationship should be the number one priority, father figure, close second. Nicole tries to defend their relationship, but her mom’s not buying it. She can sense Nicole’s hesitation and feels like it’s a good thing there’s only four more days left in Morocco.
Azan decides to get some advice from his aunt, who married a person outside of Moroccan culture. She offered some new insight, ya know, respect each other. Easier said than done with this couple… Azan’s aunt goes on to say that she married an Italian Stallion, but that he came to Morocco and adopted the culture. Nicole, on the other hand, makes no effort to learn new things or try bridge any cultural differences. Azan explains he is scared to go to the USA because of the relationship he has with Nicole. Oh and because Nicole’s mom “looks tough.” LOL.
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