The Real Housewives of Potomac are all watching the obliteration of Professor Wendy’s calm, cool façade. Gizelle and Ashley have unleashed Mama Bear Wendy, and she is on a mission to destroy anyone who comes for her beloved Eddie. Ready to watch? Let’s go!
Wendy is still stomping around like Godzilla and firing off scandalous tidbits. She is desperately trying to come up with any inflammatory rumors she can use against Gizelle and Robyn. Wendy wants to take her Chinese food back to the “cottage house” and eat her MSG sorrows in private. She doesn’t even want to break bread amongst this group of troublemakers.
Gizelle, who is unbelievably unaffected by all of this, is just seeking a bit of rice to suck down. Robyn is hiding under her blanket and talking to herself. She is rambling on about being sensitive but keeping her thick skin intact. Robyn must be recounting what the counselor told her when she was recovering from all Juan’s transgressions. She thinks Ashley dropped a shady grenade but left out the part that Gizelle pulled the pin.
Gizelle has come to the accurate conclusion that Wendy of 1,000 accolades isn’t cut out to hang with this group. It sure does give me a bitter taste in my mouth having to write that I agree with anything Gizelle says! Robyn is disgusted with Wendy since she spoke the truth about lothario Juan. Mia is suspiciously quiet during this sh*tshow since she is most likely happy that she hasn’t been tarred and feathered by this group of shady ladies — just yet.
Wendy, Karen, and Askale head to the lesser locale, but they leave Askale behind again. Can they stop treating her like she is part of the production crew? Back at the cottage, Karen claims that Gizelle likes to buttf*ck you without your permission. Wow! I didn’t know Gizelle was into sodomy?
In her ITM, Wendy thinks Gizelle wants to make her as miserable as she is. She is apparently heartbroken that her husband has been called out as a cheater. Wendy won’t allow them to tarnish Eddie’s good name. She can’t fathom why Robyn would have participated in this. Askale can’t understand the crazy support that Robyn gives Gizelle. #blindloyality
After the cottage crew retires, Wendy calls Eddie, and he tells her that she looks scrumptious. She reflects on how this vacation has turned hellish for her. Wendy will fill him in later when she can talk off-camera so she can ream his a*s out without prying ears. She looks like she is going to sleep with full makeup on. Girl, you need to wash off all that spackle — it will ruin the pillowcases.
Robyn calls Juan, and he isn’t telling HER that she looks scrumptious. She basically shames him into telling her that he misses her. Juan can’t get off the phone fast enough to go do his “shape up” and take advantage of the time away from the old ball and chain.
Gizelle is swimming her little heart out trying to get rid of the extra weight she has been dragging around. She might start by dropping the pretense of having a relationship with Pastor Jamal.
Wendy is doing her segment for a news channel that looks like Fox News, and the topic is voter suppression. She expresses that people of color are disenfranchised by changing the voting process. Wendy sure can pull herself together to film her segment and is appropriately dressed for TV.
Ashley is happy to be home with the Darby quartet. Michael comes home bearing gifts because we know he must have done something to be sorry for. He gives Ashley a ring that has all their birthstones. Ashley, in her ITM, acknowledges that Michael has had a shady past. She was unsure that he would outgrow that, but she is glad she stuck it out at least until the prenup terms have expired. I must give Michael props, which I assure you WON’T happen often, but he is good with little Dean.
Askale shares with the other ladies how Wendy was upset over Robyn being involved in the drama. Robyn, in her ITM, says how she will be a happily married woman soon. Dream on with your illusions of marital grandeur.
Wendy arrives in her powder blue jumpsuit after filming her segment. She won’t even look at Gizelle and strokes her long braids to block Gizelle from her line of vision. Wendy is so disgusted by Gizelle that she rather childishly ignores her like you would a schoolyard bully.
Robyn thinks Juan wants another baby so he can redeem himself. Can this woman be any thicker? Robyn, don’t you remember how he basically left you when your boys were little and was running around with NBA/NCAA groupies?
Candiace is looking for extras for her music video, “Drive Back.” She is giving them five minutes to come up with a dance for her video. Candiace thinks these ladies have all been doing a lot of driving back home, especially the green-eyed bandits. Karen comes out all glammed out. She is going to sit back and observe this crew, but she will give them a booty shake.
Team Twerks-a-lot is comprised of Gizelle, Robyn, and Mia, who try to dance. Karen shades Gizelle in her ITM and thinks she does a good job clapping that vagina. The choreography combined with Gizelle’s dance moves was just awful. Maybe it is difficult to dance with stovepipe legs?
The other team is called Nubian Queens with Wendy and Askale. They both seem very awkward, and they will be mortified when they watch this back.
Karen gives it a shot and shakes her groove thing. Gizelle feels sorry for Ray that he must see that daily. The Grande Dame wins the competition and Robyn is shocked that her “Bad Boy for Life” video experience where she was SITTING DOWN didn’t help her to win the competition. Candiace proclaims them all official video hoes.
The next morning, the ladies from the palace are going to attempt to play tennis. I use the word “attempt” very loosely. Gizelle is wearing this pink get up, which isn’t very flattering. She looks like she is encased in pink pork casing. Robyn and Gizelle win the match, but only because Robyn isn’t horrible at tennis and Candiace and Askale haven’t likely ever played a game of tennis. Gizelle can’t believe Candiace lives in a country club community with her lack of tennis skills. Side note: What the heck is Candiace wearing with those Carmen Miranda sleeves? Sorry, I know I am aging myself with that analogy.
Karen, Mia, and Wendy head over to the ceremony. She introduces her family members to the other ladies. Ray has come to support his lady with flowers to adorn his lovely lady. Karen thanks everyone for being there and most importantly thanks her beloved parents. Ray decides to take the mic and wants to know if she mentioned her other products. Does Ray think they are filming a spot for QVC? Karen is also starting a candle line and Wendy is shocked to hear that. She claims her product is different since the candle has three wicks. WTH is it with these housewives and candles?
Back at the tennis court, Robyn has a very good idea of who she is going to invite to her imaginary wedding. She is keeping a little itty-bitty list and must have a lot of cross-offs at this point. Does she think it will be a coveted invitation to this supposed event?
Candiace is just hoping that they have a dinner where there is no screaming and fighting. She is so happy that she has been held harmless from all these fights. Candiace hopes Robyn can behave since she thinks she has guilt by her association with Gizelle.
Side Note: How fun was it seeing the ladies go into 7-11 and buy snacks and bragging about Karen’s key to the city? Did you catch Mia saying Gordon doesn’t allow her to go there? I thoroughly enjoyed watching them drinking Slurpees and eating Sun Chips.
Mia tells Wendy and Karen what Gizelle said after they left. She wasn’t told not to share that with the group, but she is embellishing the story a tad.
Candiace wants the ladies to dress in cocktail attire. Gizelle is wearing jeans with her belly hanging out. Askale is letting her boobs come out and play and she looks lovely. Wendy is covering up her assets for this final dinner. Robyn looks like she is wearing leopard pajamas to the table, and it doesn’t look like cocktail attire either. Those bandits are two peas in a very tacky pod.
Candiace gives a toast to friendship and forgiveness. Wendy, in her ITM, can’t believe that was a legitimate toast for this group. She would prefer a toast to the ladies who have husbands who aren’t notorious cheaters.
Robyn talks to Juan at the table, and she shares that they have a non-existent relationship. Juan must have pretended to have a bad connection and won’t partake in that convo. Robyn then asks Wendy if she is going to ignore her all night. Wendy tells Robyn she will speak with her, but she clearly has underlying contempt for her. Robyn thinks that Wendy faked it when she was excited over her engagement. She hopes all is good in the hood. Robyn doesn’t find Wendy to be genuine, and honestly, I don’t either.
Wendy finally addresses Gizelle about her weak b*tch comment. Mia interpreted what she heard was a bit*h, but our handy dandy producers roll the tape and that was not what was said. Wendy won’t accept any commentary from Gizelle, and she summarily dismisses her. Karen, upon hearing this, almost stands up and gives Wendy a standing ovation for her inspirational self!
We now get the mid-season trailer with Karen’s vow renewal. Robyn doesn’t want Juan to repeat the past. Pimp Gordon wants everyone to go to the butt-naked club. Michael and Chris go at it, and Candiace thinks it is all about white privilege. The icing on the vow renewal cake is seeing Macy Gray! Maybe she will sing “I Try” for us! Take care, everyone, and see you next week!
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