This week on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, the episode is titled “Driving Miss Crazy.” Marge and Jennifer are at each other’s jugular, and the new girls are wondering, what the heck did we sign up for? Buckle up and let’s go for a crazy ride, shall we?
Danielle is planning a Barbie-themed birthday party for her precocious daughter Valentina. She is apprehensive about having Jennifer and Rachel at the same event. Danielle is really a bad actress since everyone knows that sh*t goes down at parties in Housewives’ world. On this franchise, it even goes down at christenings for God’s sake!
Rachel has her parents and grandma come over to visit. She has two cute little ones. Rachel lets us know her grandma is a pistol. She gets sh*t from her for not picking up the phone and pushing buttons. Rachel mentions she might want another child, but John reminds her they have a three-month-old already. Rachel’s stepson Jaiden lives full-time with them, and he does not want any more siblings. He is looking forward to the day when he does not have stroller wheels in his face. Rachel shares with her family how Jennifer was slamming her nose job, and I did not hear anyone contesting that…
Melissa is taking Antonia out for a driving lesson — UGH, the worst, I went gray overnight during the process of teaching my daughter to drive. She shares that Antonia is doing better and is happy after their move. Melissa tells Antonia to keep her relationship with her cousins separate from her parents’ drama and always show her aunt respect. It is a very interesting juxtaposition between Teresa and Melissa talking to their “dorters.”
Teresa is five weeks away from her wedding audition for season three of Dirty John. She is trying on wedding dresses with Gia and Milania. Tre looks extra crispy in this scene, and I hope the stylist could dust bust her fried skin cells off of the dress. She credits Louie for how well the girls are doing, and how insulting is it to give him credit? They discuss Joe not walking Tre down the aisle, and the idea that he would not attend the wedding is troublesome to the girls.
Gia makes an interesting comment when asked about her uncle Joe and Melissa in her ITM. She claims she used to see them all the time down at the shore BEFORE Louie was in the picture. Side note: Gia wants to go to law school, and she really needs to make that happen since Teresa is heading down another dangerous path to Camp Fed married to Louie. She needs to be able to keep her mom off the show American Greed.
Jennifer is meeting Melissa for lunch, and I want that watermelon martini! She talks about Bill not helping with parenting the children. Jennifer does not fight with Bill anymore over the infidelity. She thinks Margaret has a dysfunctional pattern with her friends, and production shows how they are dropping like flies. Jennifer mentions how Margaret encourages Melissa to date a ball player. She says to be careful with Marge since she is dangerous.
Jen F. is having a Southern-themed party, and she is hoping there won’t be any bloodshed. Marge arrives with her floppy Miss Daisy hat, and is she another Housewife taking Ozempic, or are her body parts melting off like her face? Melissa tells Marge that Jennifer was implying that she is trying to get Melissa to leave Joe. Dolores arrives with her girls flopping around, and I had high hopes since she had a new man that he might give her some feedback on what not to wear. Melissa shares that Danielle has issues with her brother over her super-extra Instagram posts. Rachel is surprised that something so insignificant caused the siblings to not speak. She is right — there is so much more to this story…
Jackie, who still has not brushed the back of her hair, arrives and has no interest in sitting near Danielle. Teresa joins the group and sits next to the Fried Chicken since they both have that extra crispy look. Jennifer arrives wearing a short denim dress, which is not flattering on her, and the other ladies are already calling her a f*cking a*shole. When questioned about her arrogance, she says she does not brag — she explains facts. Margaret confronts Jennifer about her comments about being a bad friend. She says her only friend is Teresa who is a hairy dolt with Chewie in her ancestry. Rachel is stunned by these two grown women screaming at each other.
Jennifer slams Marge with, “I have a family, which is something you never know what it’s like.” She shouts that Marge is jealous of her family. Marge slings at Jennifer there is nothing happy in her marriage and nothing to be jealous of except Bill’s salary. Jen F. is stepping in as a referee for these two, and she lets them know that she has neighbors who are next door. She makes a point to mention she does not live where Teresa does. Teresa, who loves bragging, mentions that she has six acres for her and Louie to graze on.
Jennifer calls Marge a stupid old lady, and it is like a curse in Housewife world to suggest anyone is aging. Marge hurls at Jennifer that she is nothing but a disheveled little druggie. Jennifer stupidly does not realize that marijuana is a drug, and you can see why she and Tre are aligned — Dumb and Dumber, Jersey addition. Dolores wishes for the happier days in Paterson when you would just slug it out and get over it. Jen F. asks Jennifer to leave since this is out of control. Teresa leaves with her angry little minion.
We have now arrived at Valentina’s Barbie-themed party. Danielle looks more like a Barbie than the girl she hired to play Barbie. She and Rachel are talking about the dysfunctional lunch at Jen’s. Jennifer arrives with Olivia, and that child is more interested in camera time than her mother, which is saying a lot! Olivia mentions she wants to be a therapist when she grows up, and she will need one after being raised by Jennifer. Rachel asks Jennifer how she is doing after the fight with Marge. She is not following Jennifer’s rationalization for her bad behavior.
Valentina gets her big entrance and tumbles her way into the room with her mom screeching her encouragement. Tre and Louie discuss Marge calling Jennifer a disheveled drug addict. It is then mentioned that Marge encourages Melissa to leave her chauvinist husband since she could do so much better. Teresa admits she only made nice with Marge since Louie told her to you need to keep your enemies close. Marge is credited with being a master manipulator, which is not hard to do with this cast of dolts.
Jennifer is chatting with Teresa, and Louie and is not threatened by Marge, aka Kojak with a wig. Rachel and Danielle join the conversation, and Tre is telling them to do their homework about Marge. Tre also tells them to pay attention?!? Well, the last time that comment was thrown out a table was flipped!
Next week, Dolores has her charity event, and Frank is still trying to keep Dolores close to him. Teresa is meeting with a therapist, who is advising her to let her relationship go with her brother. Happy Hump Day, Blurbers, and see you tomorrow in Miami for part one of their reunion.
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