This episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey is called “Shots and Shade.” There will be warning shots fired — and drank — and plenty of shade to share. Let us get our G-T-L on, shall we?
Danielle is meeting Rachel to go shopping for the Luau party at Missy G’s shore house. Rachel is thankful that she has Danielle to be normal with. Danielle shares that she has not gone to the shore in a long time. She did her time with gym, tan, and laundry and is no longer participating in that lifestyle. Danielle reflects on the emotional conversation she had with Joe about their family. She thinks her family rift is a lost cause and Rachel cannot understand not speaking to your own sibling. One thing I will say on this topic is at LEAST Danielle is being honest on seeing no hope of a reconciliation. The Gorgas have drawn us into their dysfunction without resolution for countless years with no end in sight.
Danielle shares her conversation about Margaret and is trying to understand what went wrong with her and Jennifer. She thinks Margaret does not look very scary with her cast, but she is like a dangerous pit bull. I take great offense to that statement since pit bulls get a bad rap and can be loving dogs. Danielle, who clearly has drank the Tre-aid now, believes that Marge has an arsenal of stuff against her friends and her ex-BFF Laura is their source. Rachel is confused that Danielle is focusing on what Jennifer and Teresa told her and not talking to Marge about her side.
Teresa and Jennifer go into the jewelry store that is owned by Bill’s cousin. I was hoping she was getting her engagement ring appraised so she can make sure it is legit and not a cubic zirconia. Teresa is buying bracelets for her bridesmaids, and Louie is footing the bill. How is unemployed Louie paying the bill?
Teresa talks about getting along with Joe at the game. She would have liked an invitation to their shore house. Tre and Jennifer believe that Margaret is allowed to stay at their house because they are keeping Marge close since she has some dirt on them.
Dolores and Paul discuss his heart issues and he is not going to the shore since he is recovering. She shares that she is staying with Rachel and not at Frank’s house like in the past. Paul and Dolores both agree they need to set boundaries with Frank and not stay at his home.
Jennifer and Bill discuss their Dr. Judy session. She does not like how Bill becomes Confucius in a crisis. Jennifer just wants Bill to stand up for her. After Jennifer mentions Confucius, I started looking at Bill as him and came up with what would Confucius say to Jennifer. Maybe this for Marge: “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” This one would be good regarding her friendship with Teresa: “Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.” Side note: How awesome would that be if Bill channeled Confucius in his ITMs and shared his wise teachings with this group? It would be hilarious since the logic would be lost and misconstrued with this group!
Melissa and Joe are having their shore party. They are planning a Hawaiian
Jerseylicious Luau. Production shows that everyone else has a house but makes it clear that the Aydins only have a townhome with used furniture and sheets? Come on now, in your other home you have 20 toilets, but you have no extra bed sheets for this place? I secretly love that Teresa does not know she is sleeping in a used house on used sheets!
Danielle, Nate, Teresa, and Louie are staying with Jennifer. Teresa, with her crispy fried honker, and Louie are trying to get along with Joe and Melissa on this trip. Side note: Would Dr. Bill please school this group on the dangers of too much sun exposure? I would love to see a dermatologist next season with one of those lamps that show all of your skins imperfections. Can you imagine what crusty crevices they would discover on this crew?
Dolores, Rachel, and John are staying at Jen F.’s place. We are shown what is happening at each of the houses and talking sh*t about the others. Teresa shares that she has never spent a night at Joe’s shore house and throws out with no context that Melissa would not allow Gia to stay there. Jackie and Evan are staying there as well, and it is getting tiresome that Jackie is obsessed with Danielle, aka the clearance aisle Snooki.
The party décor looks fun, and the food looks good. I need to break it to Missy G. that the Cigars are not in the Hawaiian theme, darling. Marge asks Rachel about the comments from Danielle. She finds Danielle to be too bougie and is not going to listen to input from someone who is only concerned about wealth, possessions, and respectability. Well, definitely not respectability since she is on this cast now.
Jennifer is already pounding back the cocktails and wearing an ill-fitting dress that looks like her boob is going to pop out any second. She is giving credence to Marge’s claims that she is disheveled. Marge asks Tre about her comments to Danielle and keeping her enemies close, and Tre downplays her comments. Tre asks Rachel why she spilled this and she wanted to be transparent with her. Teresa thinks it is high school behavior. Production shows that high school behavior is all she knows. Marge feels like Tre was undermining her character. She questions if they are truly good with each other. Side note: This cast clearly needs to carry around a dictionary because they do not understand what a woman scorned is and having an arsenal.
Bill is now getting alcohol poured down his throat and dancing with hula dancers. OMG, Bill is crawling around on the dock! The Jersey dudes thought it would be fun to wax John Fuda on camera. John is a good sport while they are painfully ripping offf his chest hair.
Frank encourages Dolores to push Paul to be around more. He wants Dolores to fix it and she is not interested in going backward. Teresa is sharing that there will be no assigned seating at the wedding. She then gets asked about Melissa’s mom Donna not being invited. Tre mentions that she is still peeved at their family when they trash talked her 10 years ago on social media. She believes because she got busy