Our Flappers of Fury have arrived at the finale of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Based upon previews, Louie announces that he is going to bury someone not Teresa’s hair and we know who he has grabbed the shovel for. Let’s grab our cocktails, and thank God there is no prohibition anymore on booze!
Twelve hours after the party, we see clips from the night before, which do not look good. Melissa says she has been keeping a big secret for some time. Dolores calls and wants to see how she fared after the night before. Melissa wants no part of this wedding, and then we jump backward in time…
Dolores and Paul have created a beautiful party — which is going to be ruined. They have adorable Irish dancers and singers to perform for everyone. Everyone starts arriving, and I love this theme. Frank decides he is going to try and dance with the dancers, which is just hilarious and then gross to see how his sweat is popping off on those adorable kids dancing.
Margaret, Rachel, Dolores, and Melissa have concluded that Danielle is not emotionally mature. Bill mentions that the guys need to get Joe and Teresa to make up. Danielle admits to Melissa and Rachel that she is triggered when anyone talks about their relationship with their brothers. She then mentions that things happened in Ireland that have weighed on her mind, but she will not elaborate — for now.
Louie and Teresa arrive, and there is a shift in the air. He ignores Joe, but maybe he did not see him since he looks like a little paper boy??? Louie keeps reminding Teresa that she is happy with just their chosen family. I really like Jennifer’s ensemble, and Danielle looks like her outfit was not pulled from the hamper — so great job!
Danielle is acting like she just cannot keep that secret one second longer. She is convinced that Melissa will be happy that she was told about this. Danielle, who is clearly related somehow to Teresa, is such a buffoon to believe that Melissa would be receptive to hearing that Jennifer AND Teresa met with Laura to get dirt on Marge. Jennifer pretends that she is trying to discourage her from sharing it with Melissa. She wants Danielle to say that this came from Laura and not involve Jen and Teresa. Danielle has convinced herself, which is not difficult, that it is only a matter of time before the story goes public. The production is super shady showing Melissa inside the party clearly having a good time — until the sh*t hits the fan.
Danielle pulls Melissa aside to tell her the story that was like a case of telephone. Someone told Marge, Marge told Laura, Laura told Jennifer and Teresa, and Jennifer told Danielle about the cheating rumor. Melissa is calm as a cucumber listening to Danielle puppet that Marge’s friend caught her making out with another guy and went back and told Margaret. Melissa patiently listens to Danielle blather on, and she tells the empty-headed Danielle that she knew about it.
Melissa tells Danielle that this is old news because Joe told her he was secretly called over to Louie and Tre’s house. Teresa called Joe over with Louie because she heard a rumor about Missy G., and she believed it so much that she had to call her brother.
Melissa lets Danielle know this is not her first rodeo: She was a stripper, messed around in parking lots, had rendezvous with exes, and would leave little Joe for a big Joe if he was a richer man. Melissa was not going to confront her but let her have a peaceful six months leading up to her wedding. Teresa has her minions that have made Melissa turn out to be a cheater. Danielle keeps yapping on like an annoying chihuahua with, “Do not shoot the messenger.”
Margaret comes over to see why her name is being used in their conversation. Danielle gets all animated and sticks her fingers in Marge’s face. She cannot comprehend that she was used to pass on the information that Teresa and Jennifer got from Laura. Marge says that Danielle is a stupid girl who was Tre and Jen’s minion. Melissa then starts chasing Teresa around, confronting her with what she said. Teresa keeps telling her to get off her.
Teresa pretends that Louie was looking out for her brother by telling him. Louie says he is a winner and does a victory lap around the room grinning like a loon. Joe shared that Louie called him and had something important to tell him. Jennifer says that Marge sang like a bird to Laura. Marge then goes low when she says Bill slept with a subordinate. She will never get over that Bill slept with someone who she believes to be beneath her. Melissa tells Danielle she performed the best party trick to entertain Teresa and Jennifer. Rachel is trying to understand why Danielle gave so much street cred to Laura. She would not have shared this information in this public setting, nor would anyone with one remaining brain cell!
Nate pulls Louie aside since his eyes are bugging out, and he may need an optometrist — STAT. Joe does not want Nate to hold Louie back. Nate tells Louie to go to Teresa and leave. Danielle is holding firm that she did not break up this family, but her OWN brother is incensed that he has been her storyline this season.
We then get our ending notes:
Danielle still has not spoken to her brother.
Marge still has Lexie living with her and continues to build her arsenal.
Rachel has officially adopted Jaiden, and to celebrate, they went to Disney to hang out with her favorite rat: Mickey Mouse.
We then go to the next morning with Jennifer going to Teresa’s house. Teresa wishes Danielle had not said anything. Dolores, who is driving to Tre’s house, calls Melissa to check on her. Melissa tells Dolores that Joe is devastated that Teresa will not stop trying to break up their marriage until she succeeds. Louie supposedly told him there were multiple men. The cake topper was Gia calling her uncle Joe later and telling him he could do better. WTF!
Dolores tells Melissa it is over if they do not attend the wedding. She tells Teresa that the Gorgas will not attend the wedding. Louie comes into the room, and he looks extra crispy this morning like he is speckled with pepper flakes. He proudly tells them he hired a renowned private investigator to check them all out. Dolores acts like she does not know why Louie would even entertain that — has she even met Louie? Teresa is cutting them out just like with her cousin Kathy. She knows Melissa wanted to keep her brother away from her for a long time.
We then get more ending notes:
Melissa is planning ANOTHER housewarming party, but Tre and Louie are not invited.
Dolores and Pauly are searching for a new home together.
Jennifer and Bill are continuing to work on their marriage, and she’s hoping he will start to prioritize family.
Teresa and Louie are prepping for their wedding, but they lost two guests — BUT they are gaining five pounds of hair!
Phew, I am so glad this dumpster fire of a season is over! How will this current cast ever be able to film together? Thank you, Blurbers, for riding this season out with me, but please hang in with me — we still must sit through the wedding fiasco next week….
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