Let us now watch the first episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. Will our juicy peaches be carrying the shadiest receipts that Andy has promised us were historic? Chances are we will be disappointed — again!
Andy looks like he is trying to channel his zen energy before he must engage with this fiery disjointed group on a Portugal-themed set. He will have Drew and Sheree seated on either side of him. I understand Drew getting prime seating since her marriage with Ralph was profiled, but Sheree is not sure why her fake romance with Martell gave her prime seating. Ms. Worldwide is on the end of the couch, so not sure if she is on her way off this couch.
Kenya comes out first sporting a Marilyn Monroe-style dress, but her boobs are squished, which Andy cannot stop ogling. Sanya, with her four-and-a-half-month baby bump, comes out looking gorgeous and lets us know the baby is expected on Christmas Day. Congrats to Ross and Sanya! Sheree is refreshed and allegedly had “breathing issues” and a bit of a tweak nose job. She is wearing a shade of greenish blue with a corset that accentuates her body. Sheree is sporting a high pony and as always looks beautiful. Side note: I find it ironic that they say they are all loving awareness, but most are lacking self-awareness.
Kandi looks sexy in her silver dress, which is flattering on her. Marlo, aka Mrs. Roper, admits to taking the Ozempic shots so she can fit in sample sizes, but she looks like an aging Madam in her light blue frock. Drew looks like a sparkly mermaid with her gown, but she needs a new stylist STAT. She is a petite girl, and having the girls propped up high on her chest draws attention to her short-waisted body. Drew is a beautiful woman but needs to be dressed according to her body type. I am not shading Drew on this since I have the same issue!
Drew shares that she is still living in the same house as Ralph. Sheree and her dating life — with dumb dudes, as Kenya says — is profiled. She gets called out for Martell spreading his big d*ck energy, and she admits there was a lot of noise around him. Martell has been accused of using revenge porn against an ex. Kenya and Sheree debate the quality of Martell, and it is a nonsensical argument.
Kenya is still married to Marc, and he has taken her back to court over Marlo kicking the door while Brooklyn was inside. She then issues Marlo a subpoena, and Andy looks at it and finds it to be a blank document. Kenya claims that Marlo was texting Marc two years ago and wanted dirt on Kenya. She knows this since she subpoenaed Marc’s phone records.
Andy asks Sheree about the dinner bill for her birthday. He calls her out on her interesting relationship with bills. Kandi calls out Sheree for her fashion show items not being shown on her website. She tells Sheree she has had too many shots in her face. Kandi then calls Sheree a “low down dirty nothing a*s b*tch.” Sheree really reaches when she pulls out a She News newsletter. Andy hits the gong, and nothing will stop this fight. The newsletter shares the dirty dining stories and shootings that have gone on in Kandi’s restaurant.
Sheree is still not turning a profit and finally gives Drew a bag. Drew’s season is now being profiled, and her collaboration with Ralph will surely be an issue. She gets called out for saying she should only do Lifetime and above. Kandi said she got paid more than $10k for her part. She gets annoyed that Drew called her a liar regarding the LaToya kissing rumor. Kandi tells Drew to quit lying. Drew says the other ladies are afraid of Kandi and all her followers. Kandi thinks that Drew is now the true gaslighter instead of Ralph.
Marlo gets called out for bashing Drew’s body. Andy asks Drew about the divorce filing and the timing of it, and she is evasive. Marlo coyly shares that Ralph reached out to her, and Drew scoffs at this. Andy then lets us know that the squeaky toy named Courtney is coming out, but thankfully her mic is not working — for now. Monyetta looks pretty in her jumpsuit, and I wish she would just talk about her working relationship with Prince for the last 30 minutes. Le Sigh…
Marlo and her season with Scotley are now profiled, and she is still dating him. Scotley has not met her kids nor has she met his kids. Marlo admits she is having sex with Scotley. She also suggests that she does not like sex very much, and EVERYONE is surprised that she has earned so much money from her suitors without giving it up. What has she been giving these old white dudes? Bengay body rubs?
Kenya acts like she is not annoyed that Roi went out with Marlo. She acts like Roi was turned off when he got shaded publicly for popping Marlo’s cherry. Kenya is clearly miffed that she got Roi after Marlo, but he is such a hottie it is totally forgivable.
For some bizarre reason, Andy gives Marlo the chance to critique the other ladies’ fashions. Marlo thinks that Kenya’s look makes her resemble a peacock, but she loves her boobs and deems the hair a fail. Kenya retorts by calling Marlo Mrs. Roper with her pale blue gown. Drew gets kudos for her high slit showing her legs and having great hair. Sheree gets kudos for serving up a “simple look” showing off her amazing physique.
Andy then tries valiantly to get Monyetta to explain what collusion was. Courtney perks up and defends Marlo videoing people, but Monyetta always gets a pass. She obviously did not do her HW homework since Monyetta is way more likable than Marlo. Kandi gets upset with Sanya when she laughs instead of defending her. Kenya gets called out for having one foot out the door on her own Birmingham trip. She then lets us know her salon has had a soft open, but now the door is shut for new renovations.
Kandi gets called out by a viewer for not being around. She admits she took on too much, but with all the smoke that her castmates were blowing, she had to show up to distinguish it. Drew then gets questioned about the kiss with LaToya. She continues to deny it, and I 100% believe Kandi. Courtney pipes up and mentions her conversations with Ralph about Drew’s dalliances with women. Drew admits to knowing Ty but denies any relationship with her. She then gets fired up and tells Courtney to NEVER mention her son Josiah and his potential adoption. Courtney — rather offensively in her interviews — suggests that Drew wanted child support from him so she could live lavishly with her gay lover Ty. Andy grimaces at this and mercifully ends this episode for us.
Next week, there is a teaser showing Ralph facing off with Drew. She storms off the stage when confronted with her relationship with Ty. RHOA has made its way to the island of lost toys and will be faced with a reboot if it even comes back. I missed you guys last week, but my sister got married! Have a Happy Labor Day weekend, Blurbers, and see you all for part two of the reunion!
TELL US — THOUGHTS ON THIS RHOA EPISODE?