Summer House Recap: Stars and Gripes

by Julia Comments

summer house recap stars and gripes lauren carl cake

It’s the Fourth of July over at the Summer House and I can already envision themed outfits and lotsa of drunken antics. Just your average weekend…

The episode starts in NYC, where the crew spends the work-week working and doing normal human-being things. Amanda meets at Kyle’s apartment and the couple discusses co-habitating, and not just in the summer house. GASP. Kyle explains that during the week, he is a loner. So, basically, it sounds like Amanda should prep to move in elsewhere, considering that Kyle doesn’t even wanna see Amanda five days a week.

Meanwhile, Danielle and Carl meet for lunch. Carl explains that despite the fact that he dated Danielle briefly, they still can remain friends. Ah, Carl. It’s never that easy, buddy. According to Danielle, Carl is “great at making out” and she shares that she would “definitely make out with him again.” Foreshadowing…? While eating, Danielle digs deeper to find out if anything happened with Lauren and Carl last weekend. Lauren is also a Carl-ex, not that it matters, but it totally does. Danielle presses him until she gets it out of Carl: Lauren and Carl made out post pride parade. “Who cares? It’s a make out?” Danielle explains that the “Carl rollercoaster” is hard to get off of, and perhaps he should stop leading Lauren on.

Lindsay and Lauren meet up to discuss Amit, the new house-mate, and other drama from last weekend. I feel like I missed an entire episode of fun things that happened at the house. Why were we not privy to the beer pong in the pool? The blow-up floaty party? I need answers.

The weekend finally arrives and the crew heads out to “the house” and prep for America’s birthday. People are still holding grudges, but at least Lauren has a stars and stripes sweat suit?? Stephen shares that he is annoyed with Carl, but feels like he can forgive him because, that’s their friendship. Amit, the new guy, has his trainer come to the house. #theboysclubisback. “When I met Carl, it was at my Coachella house.” Like, what does that even mean?! Amit seems like an incredibly strange dude who doesn’t work, travels the world, and has his own trainer. When I grow up, I want to be him.

In the mean time, the girls, and Kyle, hop on some bikes and ride through the vineyards. This all sounds incredible, minus the fact that Amanda basically forced Kyle on the escapade. Hey, that’s true love, right? The bike gang settles in for a picnic. Who are these people? Danielle wastes no time asking Lauren if the Carl make-out sesh is actually true. Lauren is very clearly embarrassed by being called out and it gets incredibly awkward. Way to stir it up early on, Danielle. Coming in hot!

Before we can even crack open the rose, groups start to form in the house. It’s them vs. them. Half of the gang head out to dinner, while the other half stay out the house. Lauren is just peeved that Danielle called her out in front of everyone, so she behaves appropriately for her age (not) and decides to stay home with Stephen and Lindsay. Seems like a snooze fest. Stephen looks grossed out to hear the Lauren/Carl make-out news, but not surprised. Honestly, I don’t think Carl is worth all of this drama. According to Amanda, there seems to be some sexual tension between Danielle and Carl. But, post dinner, Danielle decides she needs an “exit strategy”- aka booty call? Go on, girl. Who needs Carl now?!

Fourth of July morning is apparently like Christmas morning for these people. Groceries, house prep…. lotsa house prep. So far, all I’ve seen is beer. And two dopes making a tiki bar, or “tiki hut” as Carl likes to call it, from scratch. WHY. It’s like the blind leading the blind in all aspects. In the midst of all this, Stephen FaceTimes his family. They live in Alabama, they are conservative, and they couldn’t be more different. His parents seem like nice people and I am happy that Stephen feels like he can start talking to them about who he really is.

Later, Lauren rolls up to the house with a “rich guy” after hitting up a Jack and Jill baby shower. How desperate can one person be?! YIKES. More and more guests arrive and I am just concerned about the tiki bar collapsing on these tools. There is a lot of red, white, and blue, and a whole lotta rose. I admit, I miss summer. Amit is “kinda like the Harry Houdini,” according to Kyle. Women just swarm to him and maaaaaybe that is because he is not wearing a fake mullet wig. #justsayin

The Hamptons jump-off is getting progressively messier by the minute. Lindsay aggressively seeks Amit’s attention and I would be willing to wager they’re gonna be smooching in a few. Speaking of aggression, Lauren aggressively pulls Carl aside to talk. Jealous girls are the worst kind of girls and Lauren is very clearly still in love with Carl. Carl states he “doesn’t want to lead Lauren on” and that this summer, he wants to be clear about his intentions with Lauren.

Meanwhile, single Lindsay is THROWING herself at Amit and Carl is throwing himself at women, cracking bad jokes. Have I said that I don’t understand the allure of Carl? We almost had our first in-house hook up (minus the Carl/Lindsay make-out), but Amit played out Lindsay hard. It doesn’t make much of a difference to any of them. They are still drinking, they are still dancing, and they are still trying to hook up with anyone or anything with a pulse. Nothing is more entertaining than Lauren vying for Carl’s attention. Second-hand embarrassment at its finest, especially when Lauren throws a cake in Carl’s face and then proceeds to make out with him in front of his date. B*tches be cray.