Summer House Recap: Don’t Poke the Bear

by Julia Comments
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summer house recap don't poke the bear

Can’t we all just get along? Seems like nothing can keep this Summer House crew from drama-packed weekends full of rose, theme parties, and pool toys.

Post tribal bonfire, everyone is in love with each other. In the words of Kyle, we are the “good vibe tribe.” The GVT preps for a night out of drinking til they can’t see …or get out of cars. Wait…that’s just Kyle. Amanda has had ENOUGH. Kyle drunk eats God knows what, walks around the house…does basically anything but spend time with Amanda. Ya know, his weekend girlfriend. The rest of the party animals don’t stroll back home until like..6 am. How do these people do it?! I wake UP at 6 am.

Stephen and Danielle share a bed and share secrets. New house besties? “Speaking of blowing…” In the words of Danielle, Stephen begins to let her know about his latest hook up. Stephen enlightens Danielle and tells her he likes dating closeted men because it makes it easier knowing that he won’t have to make “a relationship part” be a part of his life.

Speaking of relationships, Lauren and Lindsay sit poolside and talk about Everett, Lindsay’s ex. Lindsay explains that they are trying to create space between themselves, but Everett is very much “a part” of her. Seems like she is really devastated. Certainly seemed that way when she was shoving her tongue down Amit’s throat. #devastationnation

Kyle somehow manages to pull himself together post the debauchery of last night. He gets a game-changing phone call from Julio (JEWELIO), a potential investor in Kyle’s start-up, and the news is not great. Julio throws real talk Kyle’s way and lets him know that at this time, he’s gonna have to wait before he invests. Sunday bummer.

Meanwhile, Lauren gets a call from her twin Ashley, who has moved to California. Lauren fills her in on the Carl saga and Ashley lays into her. As a protective sister, Ashley reminds Lauren about what happened last summer with Carl, but Lauren’s not hearing it. Guess sometimes people have to find out the hard way.

The love birds, Kyle and Amanda, head out on a breakfast date and to be honest, I am quite impressed with Kyle’s lack of hangover. If that were me, I’d be eating 19 bagels, sucking down fountain sodas, and sleeping my life away. Due to Kyle’s behavior at the house, Amanda lets Kyle know that next weekend, like alllllllll next weekend, she is going to spend time with her friends. Amanda reminds Kyle that “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Yea…something tells me this is not gonna end well.

Back in the city. Back to the work-week grind. Love seeing these guys all cleaned up trying to prove that they are excellent employees despite the fact that they are getting filmed for a reality show that promotes boozy drama and messy love lives. Beats me. Somehow, their Monday through Friday’s FLY by, and just like that, the GVT is on their way back to the summer house, sans Amanda.

Carl and Lauren carpool and it doesn’t take long for Lauren to bring up “them.” She gets Carl to talk about their “relationship” (if you can call it that) and the past he had with Danielle. Lauren tells Carl that Danielle needs to MYOB and “quit the gossip.” I mean, Danielle did say Carl was “a tall order of bacon, like, I feel it.” Step back, Danielle. He’s Lauren’s. Lauren also warns Carl that he better be respectful when Ashley, her twin, arrives.

Amit’s sister is here for the weekend and they’re cooking a Shabbat meal. Everyone is in good spirits and Kyle fakes that he is sad that Amanda is not there for the weekend. Amit is hoping to win the best roomie award by feeding everyone and letting them in on his “Jewish identity.” We also find out that Amit’s mom passed away when he was 17. It’s cool to see Amit as more than just a stud and I am happy that the GVT is cleaning up the meal so we can see Amanda-less Kyle RAGE.

So it appears as though they are going to an “animal party.” This is not much different than what they normally do, except this time they are dressed up in cheesy costumes and Kyle is SCHWASTED. He is sloppy and eating and sloppy and calling Amanda and sloppy. Everyone falls into their bedrooms, dining room chairs, etc. and of course Lauren winds up in Carl’s bed. As Stephen puts it, “this is an addiction and you need to go to C.A.- Carl Anonymous.” Stephen admits that “quite frankly, there’s nothing to rebuild” when it comes to his relationship with Carl. If only Lauren can get on that bandwagon.

The next morning, to make things super uncomfortable, Lindsay decides it would be stellar to call Everett. Sober. She spent a night in some other guy’s bed and realizes just how much she misses Everett. She is spilling her heart out to this guy and he “hasn’t changed.” Everett is only half-listening to a very desperate sounding Lindsay and it is incredibly high on the awkward chart.

A pool party should certainly boost her mood! There are go-go dancers and drinks galore and now seems like the PERFECT time for Carl to talk to Danielle. Carl states that Danielle is going to stop the way she is talking to Lauren and that he thinks Danielle still holds a candle to him. Why does this guy think he is God’s gift to women? He wears a permanent sweater for crying out loud! Carl catches wind that Danielle is talking to Stephen about the conversation she just had with him and he is livid. Not really sure why…but it’s enough for him to get all up in Danielle’s face and tell her she’s out of line. “Give the man a glass of rose and he’ll turn on you.”

There are so many things wrong with that sentence. Where do I start? Lauren and Carl feel like Danielle still has feelings for Carl and I love how Kyle was like I have never gotten that vibe from Danielle. This night is not heading anywhere good, especially once the tears start flowing. Even Stephen is like, girl, it’s fine. No one believes Carl and his sweater. Danielle is having second thoughts about this whole summer house thing…and I just wanna see what kind of trouble Kyle can get himself into sans Amanda.