Big Bear Bonanza (BBB): Round II. For the Vanderpump Rules group, it’s either sink or swim this episode. Literally.
Recounting the previous night’s sh*t show is as awkward as Jax suggesting Brittany go for a run first thing in the morning: the worst. LaLa and James seem to have worked past the love/hate fest and that’s fabulous considering James’ GIRLFRIEND Racquel is also on the trip.
The gang slooooowly rises and shines (that’s a stretch) and it turns out that Sandoval is not only a personal stylist, but a chef. According to everyone, he makes the best breakfast. Who knew? Whilst Scheana walks and talks in circles about her boo Rob, Jax, aka father time, continues to fight the aging process by working out like a bad Baywatch character.
Back at Sur, LVP bosses workers around (as she should) and chats it up with Stassi (cuz she’s the worst and clearly was not invited to BBB). Stassi takes advantage that LVP has no one else to talk to for the weekend and digs her claws into Lisa. She asks LVP if she would go on her podcast. You can see LVP mentally try to think of ANY excuse, but unfortunately she falls short. She is gonna have to bite the bullet.
Meanwhile, Jax fails miserably on his run and decides instead to pull a Michael Phelps and swim to the buoy. He dives in like a professional, but things suddenly take a turn for the worst. Jax realizes “being 8,000 feet above sea level takes a toll on ya” and he is forced to call for the resident lifeguard. He is sinking like the load-of-you-know-what he is. As he thrashes and calmly calls for SOS, he relives all the “dumb sh*t” he did in the past and hopes for a new lease on life. Alas, he is saved!
Jax is still recounting his near-death experience and everyone else just cracks up. “Don’t laugh. Someone almost died”- insert Scheana’s evil cackle. Speaking of Scheana, everyone’s pretty much had enough of her fan-girling over Rob. “I think when people say their relationship is perfect, it’s not.” Although I usually disagree with Jax, he does have a point. Since he “cheated death today,” I feel like he is feeling himself and finally seeing the world clearly!
Anyone else feel like Rob is the camp counselor bossing the crew around? I almost wanna punch him, but then I remember how fabulous he is…according to Scheana. Duh.
Sandoval breaks the news to Ariana that he will be in Vegas for his birthday because LVP wants to purchase décor for TomTom. #businesstrip. However, it appears as though everyone gets over it really fast since they all pile on Rob’s boat to inner tube. The girls get flung off, the waves crash, anddddd Jax loses his shorts. Oh. And so does Sandoval. Oh. And they are BOTH wearing pink underwear. Sandoval differentiates his undies by stating that he was wearing “pink boxer brief swim trunks cuz” he likes “to get a pop of color under” his boardshorts. Riiiiiiiiiiight.
Over at Katie’s apartment, Stassi pops in whilst Katie and Schwartzie play dog groomer. Stassi shares that she doesn’t wanna cry in front of LVP and wants her podcast to go over well. The three of them sit around brainstorming questions to ask Lisa and then they begin to discuss Stassi’s “relationship” with Patrick (note the quotation marks). “We fight and break up…even hearing me say that sounds crazy.” Yes, Stassi. That’s cuz it is crazy. Ditch the dude.
Post tubing, the guys drop the girls off at the dock and then head out on the boat for some beers. Rob over-shares the price of his house, his feelings, and information about Scheana…including her “I love you’s.” Rob explains he is “waiting to make sure that she is in that place” because it is really easy for him “to hurt feelings.” Uh-oh. More trouble in relationship paradise: Ariana is not letting Sandoval off the hook about being in Vegas for his birthday. She is forgetting that he is going to Vegas for a “BUSINESS TRIP” and she is annoyed that their relationship may be going right back to where it started. She does have a point…
While everyone else is experiencing technical difficulties in the love department, Schwartzie and Katie take scooters (no, I am not making that up) to their date night. The couple discusses their upcoming anniversary and the upcoming business venture TomTom until the mariachi band interrupts their convo. Schwartzie, ever the romantic, planned for the band to come over to their table. Swoon.
Back at BBB, LaLa and Racquel sit around bonding. It is uncomfortable to hear Racquel talk to LaLa about the way James “bonds” with LaLa. LaLa tries to explain that she would never “disrespect her man that way” and swears that Racquel has nothing to worry about. #pinkieswear
Somehow, LVP manages to squeeze Stassi’s podcast into her ridiculously busy schedule. Stassi dives right in with Straight Up With Stassi and begins delving into LVP’s deepest darkest secrets. Luckily for us, LVP has already had two glasses of wine and homegirl spills all the deets. LVP explains that she “had an instant connection” with her hubby Ken and shares all of his smooth moves he put on her to win her love. LVP plays along and is a good sport throughout the whole podcast. She gets an A for effort.
Scheana and her ginormous glasses peruse the “cottage manual.” She explains that Rob’s house gets rented out and they all have to help her clean up the crib. Not before James and LaLa take a dip in the hot tub. Note: LaLa…again…not his GF. Supa weird. “Dude I was talking to your chick.” LaLa lets James know that Racquel is onto him and James does not seem fazed. James explains that LaLa is only with the other dude because he does not have money…”ya know Ray J hit it before Kanye.” Ooooph.
As Scheana snuggles with Rob and he doesn’t reciprocate her “I love you’s,” the gang cleans and packs up and James hits on LaLa right in front of his girl. #shameless. Once back home to Scheana’s own apartment (where she listens to her own song!!!!), Kristen comes over to catch up and of course, stir up the pot. She tells Scheana that Jax told her that Rob told him that Rob does not love Scheana. Ya follow that? Scheana claims that Jax is JUST JEALOUS of Rob and that Rob just has a “hard time expressing his feelings.” They are in love. DUH. They even named their first daughter! I absolutely cannot. Scheana is ticked off and ready to take down Jax. Helpful hint: throw him in a lake. Too soon?
And next week on Vanderpump Rules, we find out if Brittany is pregnant by Jax, and the Toms show up late to a meeting with Lisa. Stay tuned!
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