On this episode of Southern Charm… we’re going to Hilton Head, ya’ll!
As the cast preps for the Hilton Head weekend, Naomie moans and groans about the upcoming trip because she “is really dreading having to be around Craig.” Naomie realizes that she is reacting to Craig the way a 4 year old would and that she truly has to remedy the situation. She thinks she has to call Craig…so she doesn’t seem crazy. Feels a little counterintuitive I think…cuz she def won’t look crazy just calling up her ex. Nope. Not one bit.
Meanwhile, Kathryn gets a phone call (on her smashed cell phone) from Chelsea. Kathryn explains to Chelsea that, “I’ve been hibernating for a while…my grandmother passed away.” Chelsea gives her condolences to her friend and Kathryn shares her fondest memories of her grandmother. Although upset about her passing, you better believe Kathryn is still gonna make the Hilton Head trip.
Thomas whips around in his Audi SUV while his girlfriend Ashley states that Thomas can simply give her his credit card for future clothing purposes. She also complains about Thomas’s boys’ nights. Seems like someone is getting a little bit too comfortable in this relationship, which in turn makes Thomas super awkward. The couple pulls up to the infamous Gwynn’s (evidently, the only clothing store in Charleston) so that Ashley can get her newly purchased digs (Thanks, Thomas!) altered. Thomas tries to explain Ashley’s $10,000 clothing run by stating, “I want my wif-lady (cool slip-up, Thomas) to look presentable.”
As she models her new dress, Ashley drops hints (if we can even call those hints) about getting a “tremendous ring” and all Thomas can do is ask about Gwynn’s newest employee, Kathryn. The Gwynn’s boss lady explains that Kathryn has been out because her grandmother passed away and naturally Thomas becomes nostalgic about Kathryn and her fam. This causes Ashley to become green with envy- which is not a good look, btw.
The Craig phone call from Naomie is going over like a lead balloon, particularly when she invites herself over to Craig’s pigpen. Evidently, “pineapple” is the code word should Naomie get out of hand…which she is totally known to do. Better hope Craig’s roomie stays within earshot should his buddy needs some assistance with Nutty Naomie.
“Here I am, still pregnant.” Poor Cameran. No induction is working on the cheese-ball loving, cheese-it eating, pickle snacking mama-to-be. On a call with Shep, Cam explains to him that she is just so bored and Shep retorts back by saying, “I ran into a door face first a couple of nights ago…I wasn’t that drunk, I just didn’t see the glass. I actually went home with a girl that night!” The juxtaposition of lives is hilarious.
Naomie…and her crutches…oh and GIZMO…head to Craig’s. Craig is way more excited to see Gizmo than Naomie. He feigns interest in Naomie’s injury, but the reality is “Gizmo is the peace offering.” Naomie addresses the elephant in the room and claims she will be nice to Craig whilst on the trip. Craig calls Naomie “babe” and that leaves me wondering, is this guy ever gonna get over gimpy??
Stop. It. Right. Now. Ashley puts makeup on Thomas? Or is that just lotion? Either way, it seems wrong. Ashley sure is annoying as she badgers Thomas about anything and everything. For instance, when she says she SHOULD get Louis Vuitton luggage, Thomas says back, “Kathryn’s got like five of them. You should ask her.” That sends this bothersome lady in an absolute tizzy. Andddd she’s off. “I know there’s a birthday party for Saint and I haven’t received my invite yet.”
Ashley states that she cannot even respect Kathryn for not extending the invite and she insinuates that it’s gonna be a big problem should she not get invited to the kid’s bday party. I wanna scream at her and say usually no one in their right mind WANTS to go to a second birthday party. I think Thomas is “forgetting” that he made the choice, WITH KATHRYN, that Ashley would not be invited to Saint’s birthday. Thomas “finds it annoying” that Ashley cannot drop the whole birthday party saga. He would much rather be “steady Eddie” and pretend that he has NO idea why Ashley isn’t invited.
The car rides to Hilton Head get increasingly harder to stomach. First, there’s the girls’ car and baby birthday talk. Then, there’s the boys’ car, which is running behind schedule courtesy of Craig. And then there’s Thomas and Ashley’s car: aka HELL. Ashley is like a wind-up toy that just won’t STOP. On and on and on she goes. She goes from, “I would have the perfect last name if I married you” to nagging about this effen party. My eyes rolled the entire segment.
Because Shep and Chelsea grew up in Hilton Head, it makes sense that Chelsea basically planned the trip and booked the house. The place where they are staying is super amazing, but the vibe totally changes once Thomas and annoying Ashley arrive. Ashley continues her pestering ways and Thomas does his best to shut her the hell up. No such luck.
It only gets worse as the night wears on. It is clear that Ashley is very much the outsider and finds herself excluded as the gals toast and hang on the deck outside. Instead, Ashley is annoyed that she missed the “flannel memo” and throws a temper tantrum that she has NO IDEA what to wear horseback riding. Ah, yes. Seems like Gwynn’s doesn’t have a department for that, huh Ashley?
While the boys go play golf, the girls head to the beach to ride some horses. Glad to see Ashley got her outfit figured out. Wish she figured out her attitude while she was at it… She’s just never gonna fit in with these girls.
Speaking of fitting in, why wear pastels on the golf course when you can rock denim?! LOVING Whitney’s too-cool-for-golf-gear look in his denim jacket. Wonder what Ms. Patricia would say about that get-up?? As the men play, Thomas spews out one-liners such as, “Younger women just feel entitled a little bit.” Seems like déjà-vu when Craig warns Thomas that Ashley could perhaps be a gold digger. Member when that was in question when Thomas was with Kathryn? This guy certainly has a type.
Post horseback riding and golfing, the crew meets up for some drinks at the local watering hole. The tension is thick, especially when Thomas states that, yea, sure, Maker’s Mark is fine for his drink because…“I like the red head.” (see: top of Maker’s bottle). Ashley seems to have met her breaking point at this juncture and from there she spirals. Once the men get up, it doesn’t take Ashley long to bring up Saint’s birthday party to Kathryn.
Ashley probes and wants to know if she’s included in the birthday party. She is salty and ready to pop and Kathryn states that this is not a conversation to have at the table, “got it?” Ashley retorts, “no I do not got it.” Back and forth these two go, volleying low blows. Finally, Ashley spikes Kathryn with a fresh one liner: “I see those children more than you do.” The rest of the ladies warn Ashley to “slow her roll” and it is evident that, despite what she may think, Ashley does not know the true Kathryn Dennis or what she is capable of.
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