Open Post: Brought to You by Pandora Vanderpump’s Wedding!

by Ashlee Mason Comments
Open Post: Brought to You by Pandora Vanderpump's Wedding!

Credit: KWKC/MEGA TheMegaAgency

Hello, Blurbers! And welcome back to Open Post, a place where you can comment on whatever you want while Reality Blurb gives you a weekly dose of light fluff. It’s also a space to have fun and socialize, so keep things cool, and not uncool, with your fellow commenters. Easy peasy! We haven’t done the feature ‘Remember When?’ in a while, so let’s put the Top Ten lists away for a minute, and take a stroll down Memory Lane so we can fondly reminisce about another great moment in Real Housewives history! 

If you have any suggestions for Open Post topics, please send them to [email protected]. Just keep in mind that we try to keep things light and breezy and won’t do any too negative topics (particularly when it comes to looks, plastic surgery, etc.). That’s the rules the editor laid down for me when I started this venture back in March, and one thing I’m happy to do is obey the editor. But! I’m always in need of new topics, so bring ‘em on! 

With all that out of the way, let’s get to the topic at hand, shall we? In one of the most viewed episodes of any franchise (apart from Real Housewives of Atlanta, that BROUGHT THE NUMBERS in its earlier days), we’re going to revisit Pandora Vanderpump’s Wedding!! (Along with the events leading up to it.) Yes, darlings, it’s time to bring the Shi Shi Shi back to Beverly Hills, and revisit one of the most extravagant weddings in Housewives history. Ready? Set. Go!

It all starts out with Pandora’s boyfriend Jason Sabo, who knows that the way into Lisa Vanderpump’s heart is through a little ribbing, so he just can’t help himself when it comes to giving Lisa and Ken Todd all the hope in the world that he’s about to propose to Pandora, time after time, and then… doesn’t. It’s driven Lisa BONKERS for years, but finally, Jason lets everyone know he popped the question, and Pandora enthusiastically said ‘yes’. 

Now it’s time for some wedding planning! Lisa enlists the help of celebrity wedding planner, Kevin Lee, who was the inspiration for Martin Short’s Franck in Father of the Bride! It quickly becomes obvious why. This guy is a character! Right off the bat, Kevin launches in with, “Beverly Hills, darling, shi shi shi! Million dollar wedding! Grand, grand, grand!” and so on. 

Lisa can’t fathom how a wedding would cost that much money, but knows that Kevin is the best, so she sticks with him and makes all sorts of expensive decisions. 

Ahh, season two of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is such a joy. This show truly hit its apex early on, and as I was preparing for this post, I kept letting out sighs over memories of the good days. Lisa phones up the cast to invite them to Pandora’s engagement party, which is to be held at Mohamed Hadid’s colossal mansion. Everyone is game, except for Kim Richards, who blew off the party to go on a date with a guy that looks like a rock. 

The day of the engagement party, Lisa’s son Max arrives at the house late, smelling like weed, and then Lisa gives Pandora a sparkly heart necklace that costs $86,000! Ken gives Jason a Franck Muller watch that cost $21,700. DAMN. These people are rich! The family wipes their tears away because now it’s time to party!

I’ll be honest, Blurbers. I enjoyed the engagement party more than the actual wedding! First, you’ve got your camel and swans. Then you’ve got Mohamed’s alarmingly young girlfriend. Belly-dancers greet the guests, and THIS orgasmic mermaid is keeping the outdoor pool company:

Longtime friends Lisa and Mohamed embrace as the guests shuffle in, and then it’s time to go down to the SEX DUNGEON… or Turkish bath with an orgie room, to be more polite. Adrienne Maloof gets a dirty-looking spray-on tattoo, and then the dancers do acrobatics underneath a tent. Kyle Richards, worried that not enough attention was on her, jumped into the action, and did the middle-splits on a table (which was subsequently burned, and the earth underneath it was salted afterwards). 

After the party, Pandora stops by Villa Blanca (RIP) and shows Lisa the pinkest pink bridesmaid dresses I’ve ever seen. Pandy really wants Lisa to join her in Vegas for her bachelorette party. LVP is all, “No, no, no, no, darling,” but no one is more persuasive than her daughter, so she begrudgingly agrees to come. We’ll check in on their wild weekend later. 

Next, Lisa and Pandora bicker about the number of guests. Lisa wants to cap it at 187, and Pandora and Jason scoff at the idea. They sift through wedding invitation samples with Kevin Lee, and Kevin heavily pushes for rosy boxes that cost $150 a pop. Lisa leans back in her chair and says, “I feel this nightmare is only just beginning.” They end up going with this understated number:

Later on, Kevin Lee meets with Lisa and Pandora to discuss the table settings, and hoo boy, he goes All. Out. They fuss around with white and pink napkins, and I’m truly impressed with Lisa’s eye for detail. Kevin can’t help himself with the “Million dollar wedding, shi shi shi!” business, so Lisa tells him, “You’ll get a million-dollar foot up your ass,” and Kevin breaks a sweat while pretending to laugh. 

As the big event approaches, Lisa and Pandora go wedding dress shopping, and these ladies are ALL about the pink, roses, diamonds, and tiaras. Then, they whisk themselves off to Vegas with Taylor Armstrong and Pandora’s friends for the Chippendales Bachelorette Extravaganza! I wish I could find the video of Lisa giving one of the men a lap dance onstage, but alas, this video of Taylor losing her damn mind at all the sexy dancing will have to do:

The Vanderpump-Todds meet up to give the wedding band a listen, annnnnnnd… they weren’t my style at all. They were Pandora’s style, though! And that’s all that matters in the end. But let’s move on because this scene was kind of boring. The day before the wedding, the tents go up on Lisa’s tennis court, and Lisa looks like a frazzled mess (well, frazzled for her). But things seem to be going well, and somehow, we just know the event will be spectacular. 

The BIG DAY is finally here! Over three million viewers tuned in to watch the nuptials, so imagine how much it would suck to be Paul Nassif farting after a colonoscopy on the same episode. (Poor guy.) First comes the $9,500 wedding cake…

…Then the flowers…

….And finally, the bride and her parents:

The wedding, of course, went off as smoothly as one could:

The ambiance was truly magical. It’s easy to forget the event was held on a tennis court! Everyone was dressed to the nines, the speeches were touching, and all of the guests looked like they were having a fabulous time (well, IF there was a drunk bridesmaid balling in the bathroom, the cameras didn’t capture it). After over a year-long wedding drought due to the pandemic, Pandora and Jason’s bash made me very excited for the next invitation I receive in the mail. We need more extravagant parties, dammit! And with that, I wish you a happy Sunday, Blurbers! Live life to the fullest, and throw yourself a million-dollar party with the help of Kevin Lee! Ya earned it. 

Photos courtesy of Bravo TV.

TELL US – What was your favorite Housewives wedding? Any summer plans now that the country is opening back up? What shows are you watching lately?