RHOP Premiere Recap: Mia Tells Gizelle F*ck you After She Questions Her Cancer Diagnosis, Ashley Reveals Reasons for Michael Split and Tells Costars They Are Buying a Home Together

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RHOP Premiere Recap: Mia Tells Gizelle F*ck you After She Questions Her Cancer Diagnosis, Ashley Reveals Reasons for Michael Split and Tells Costars They Are Buying a Home Together

Welcome to season seven of the Real Housewives of Potomac, which includes preview clips of Dr. Wendy and Mia sparring over acne and knowledge of frogs’ a*sholes?!? Will our Potomac queens bring it this season so we can pull ourselves out of a Bravo-induced coma? Grab a cherry blossom cocktail, and let us watch!

I must first say how excited I am for this season to start! You will notice that production has inserted lots of cherry blossoms and scenes of them being squashed. It will be interesting to see how it all plays out and how Charrisse will blend in with this group.

Gizelle and Karen are meeting up for a picturesque picnic in the park, and the cherry blossoms look gorgeous. They debate and dissect what is behind Ashley and Michael divorcing — other than what is blatantly obvious to all of us. Red-headed Robyn joins the group, and she flies in as chill as usual. Ashley arrives, and she looks fabulous and bizarrely worry-free. They discuss Mia sharing her current health situation via social media. Karen defends Mia sharing something so personal, but she admits she would not share that with the world — just God.

Robyn then asks Ashley about her divorce situation. Ashley admits she stayed too long since she could only have sex with him in an alcohol-induced coma when she was drinking. She is sober now and does not want to have multiple sex partners and live that lifestyle now that she is a mom. Ashley wants monogamy, and Michael never wanted that. She tells them she is buying a house with Michael with an LLC since they need to separate for one year before they can divorce. Karen gives Ashley some good advice using her skeleton analogy, which is really apropos considering he looks like an old bag of bones! Ms. Ashley needs to take notes right now from the Grande Dame. Karen then shifts the narrative and invites the ladies to a Spring into Spring party, which I assume will be our first all-cast party.

Candiace and Chris are attending a doctor’s appointment in hopes of freezing her eggs. She has been touring and has opened for Faith Evans among others. Candiace is using this time with the doctor to bicker with Chris about him spending more time at home. In her ITM, she admits that she is unsure about being pregnant at this point. Candiace resents Chris’ work-life balance. These two are struggling, and they are not on the same page or even reading the same book!

Robyn and the ever-boob-changing Charrisse meet to catch up. She thinks Charrisse is really the Grande Dame of Potomac. Sorry, Robyn, you are not the expert on who deserves that title. Charrisse wants to know when Robyn will be getting married. Robyn has no date nor plans to get married. She is evasive in her ITM when the producer asks her what she wants to do.

Robyn wants to get a prenup since she is now the breadwinner. She does not want to give Juan half of her earnings, which honestly makes no sense to me. Robyn was the one who stayed home with their children while Juan lived his NBA dream, and she does not think she should have gotten 50% of that income. She really lives in an alternate universe if she does not think her contribution was just as important as his. Robyn then pivots and shifts the conversation to the status of Michael and Ashley’s marriage. Charrisse is not buying this nonsense, and you know that she will be confronting Ashley about it.

Mia and Gordon have officially moved to Potomac, and she is excited to live near Karen. She is renting a place for $10k a month, which seems like a total waste of money IMO. Mia and her mom Veronica are still a work in progress. Veronica asks Mia about her test results, and she shares that she has some suspicious lumps. Karen and Ray come over for a visit. She shows off her boob lift, and it was a necessary surgery since you cannot have your boobs spilling into your soup for God’s sake! When Karen inquires about the cancer scare, Mia lets her know that she uses her social media as a highlight reel, and you can clearly see this woman has been studying the game since last season.

Wendy the so-educated one goes to Bar One to see Peter, who allegedly reached out to her. She acts like she has a lot of projects going on and wants to go to him for advice so she can get into the hospitality industry. Wendy wants to have a lounge with books where kids can come for a few hours a day, and Peter says adults do not want kids spending time together in a lounge. She cringes when Peter tells her she needs to front $300k before she can see a return on her investment. Eddie is already not a fan of this venture since he knows it is a money pit, and he is already watching his money melt away on the candle line.

Ashley is chatting with her uncle Lump and her mom Sheila about how much money she will need from her divorce. She claims that Michael is writing the proposal, and they will be creating an LLC and will put their new house in it. Uncle Lump is questioning what is going on and thinks she needs legal counsel — STAT. Ashley will not share how much money Michael has and is not aware of what their lifestyle costs. Is she really this gullible, or is she savvy and does not want to be called a gold-digger for marrying a man who resembles a mortician?

Gizelle shares that her house is finally done, and she again proves that she lives in a land of delusion. She chats with her lovely girls Angel and Adore, who are obviously the best thing that came from her unholy union. Gizelle has received an invite from Karen, which includes actual tacos and tequila. Gizelle is asking her girls for fashion advice since she desperately needs it. Robyn looks ridiculous on their FaceTime call, and I cannot understand who would answer their phone on FaceTime looking like that! Has she ever experimented with the effects option on her phone?

Karen’s party looks beautiful, and the cherry blossom cocktail looks awesome — then a storm approaches. Gizelle and Karen commiserate about their kids, and they are trying to play nice for now. Karen thinks that Ashley has finally cleaned up her home and has finally put out the garbage. Ashley, who clearly has planned for this divorce armed with her revenge body, shares that she found a house that will be in an LLC. Gizelle calls Ashley out for lying about what she is really doing. Ashley admits she still gets cootchie cravings for Michael. She needs to understand that is just her skin crawling in her cootchie area, and she needs medical attention! Candiace is willing to throw a divorce party for Ashley for getting rid of her crusty a*s Wonder Bread husband.

Wendy greets Gizelle, and she shoos her away like she is an annoying gnat. She must have forgotten all of the nasty comments last season, and she is not as astute as she leads us to believe since she literally stirred up a hornet’s nest by coming for Gizelle. Mia gets called out by Gizelle for asking for sympathy for an illness on social media. Gizelle is calling Mia an attention wh*re for all her look-at-me posts and how she keeps editing them for more shock factor. She is trying to bring Karen into the conversation, but she does not agree that she should not be heard. Mia is using her social media platform to inform people about a cancer diagnosis. She shouts out to Gizelle, “F*ck you!” for questioning her illness. We then get a to-be-continued…

Next week, we will see how ugly this argument gets. What did you all think about the first episode of RHOP, and are you excited for this season after seeing the previews? Have a wonderful week, and I will see you all next week for more images of the cherry blossoms blooming!