Let us reluctantly rejoin the Real Housewives of New Jersey for more of the ugly feud between the Gorgas. Will Melissa maintain her momentum from last week and knock Tre-stump off her throne? Will she get to say, “Off with her blockhead!” Let us watch and see!
Teresa and Melissa are rehashing — again — who helped to put the Giudices in jail. She still will not accept any responsibility for her actions. I am sure she had to plead guilty and admit her guilt to get the deal she received for HER crimes as well as Joe’s. Andy reminds Tre that she was married to the man who was responsible for her prison time. BOOM, I love it when Andy says what I would say if I was there.
Melissa reminds Teresa that she did commit mortgage fraud, but she says it was just wrong taxes. No, dimwit, YOU used FAKE tax returns to obtain mortgages! Teresa obviously learned nothing from her experience since she still owes back taxes and then spent $500k on her Barnum and Bailey wedding. She is proof that you cannot teach a blithering idiot anything.
Melissa shares a text that Jackie received from Jacqueline Laurita where she slams Teresa in every way possible. Jacqueline seems to despise Teresa, calling her an ugly trash bucket, and she has an arrogant sense of self and thinks she is a Goddess named Medusa. Dolores, for some bizarre reason, thinks Melissa needs to sleep with one eye open and she is going down. She is really throwing me off with this one. Danielle finds the text to be mean and petty, and she needs to get used to it since that is all you will get from this show. She needs to have someone pet her on the head and tell her to go sit in the corner and look pretty, which is all she is good for this season.
Rachel shares that Jaiden’s adoption has gone through. She does mention that Louie hired someone to find the birth mom in prison to stir the pot. Dolores mentions that Rachel did not do this adoption for a storyline since she wanted to adopt Jaiden before the show. Teresa feigns innocence that Louie the liar would have been involved in this incident, but we will have to wait until the guys come out to see his reaction. Dolores admires that John got liposuction to remove his excess fat, and she is an expert on body contouring the not natural way.
Jennifer gets called out for her shade about Rachel’s nose job, and she thought they were just bonding. She insists she was only sharing information about the rest of the cast since Rachel had not watched the show. Jennifer also pretends like she was just commiserating with Rachel over bad plastic surgery.
Teresa refuses to acknowledge that Louie hired a private investigator. She thinks Marge is the one who investigated everyone. Margaret reminds Tre-Dum that her precious Louie bragged about hiring a private investigator at the finale party. Teresa and Melissa go back and forth about sticking stuff up their a*s. Melissa nails it when she says, “When she finds the namaste, she will stick it up her own a*s.”
Andy brings out Jackie and Jen F., who he calls the nice Jewish girls. Jen F. had a facelift and a nose job since she needed a tune-up. She shares that people thought it was horrible that she outed James Gandolfini when he cannot defend himself. Jackie admits it was hard on her to be given a reduced role. She comments on the use of Ozempic, specifically on Dolores, who owns taking it. Jackie has written a book called The Weight of Beautiful. She should enjoy her life and step away from this cesspool of a show.
Andy asks Melissa about drunk dialing her ex. Teresa wants to know if Joe was upset when he heard it, and she says he would know she was kidding. She says if they had strippers for her bachelorette, it would have to be “Channing Tayum,” who is Teresa’s favorite stripper. Channing has standards, and even back in the day he would not have wanted to give this fool a lap dance. Production treats us with clips showing how stupid these women can be.
The guys start arriving backstage, and we see two rooms, so there is a bit of division. Andy asks Margaret about Jan, her ex who passed away. Marge admits it was difficult at the funeral because her stepdaughter was still upset with her. Andy then pivots to ask, “Who has the most sex in the group?” Tre thinks she might be tied with Marge.
Andy asks Marge where she gets her dirt from. Margaret talks about trying to get Laura on the show. Jennifer says she reached out to Laura since she still does not forgive Marge for outing Bill. She gets called out for telling Danielle about the cheating rumor. Andy asks Danielle if she felt set up by Jennifer and Teresa. Danielle asks Dumb and Dumber, “Did you set me up?” Jennifer pretends like she did not realize she was doing that. Danielle is still too vapid to realize she was the doofus’s spawn. No one believes the cheating rumor is true. Andy starts losing his sh*t with Tre and Melissa since they are behaving like a bunch of vipers. Melissa calls Louie the new bitch boy since Teresa cannot answer for herself.
Frank is backstage and said it is uglier than ever because of Louie. He is going to out Louie for how he treated his son when the company closed. Louie did not even have the decency to answer Frank Jr.’s calls about it. Louie is backstage pacing with no shirt on, showing his pudgy dad bod. Please cover that sh*t up!
Jennifer starts getting grief about her coffee reader. Andy asks if Bill has changed his mind about therapy. Jennifer acts like all is good and they do not need therapy anymore. Bill needs the pool house to unwind each day and not see Jen’s bad surgery. Andy tries to get Marge to explain why she referred to Jennifer as a disheveled drug addict. Marge explains that Jennifer parties more than anyone.
Jennifer gets called out by fans for perpetuating the rumor about Melissa. She pretends like she was trying to kill the rumor by giving Melissa a chance to get in front of it. Jennifer neglects to mention that she already told Melissa about the rumor, and of course, so did Joe. She STILL told Danielle, which negates her point of trying to give a heads-up to Melissa. Jennifer also stupidly admits that she was creating a narrative, which suggests that production was involved.
Andy then questions Margaret on why she was so angry with just Jennifer about Laura even though Teresa was involved in it too. Marge thought when she met with Teresa at the beginning of the season according to Louie’s plan that Teresa was not going to spread the information from Laura.
Marge tells Andy the gloves came off when Louie shouted at the finale that he has files on everyone in the cast. She then shares that Louie called her child at work and threatened them. Margaret has proof of this showing it is Louie’s cell number. There is then some discussion about spoofing, which Teresa did some research on, but I think she thought that was a sexual act that Louie taught her. Marge calls Teresa a disgusting criminal, and Tre comes back with, “You are the devil.”
Margaret and Melissa tell Teresa that Louie is controlling her in every way. She tries to get Tre-Dolt to see that Louie has been belittling her all season. Teresa looks like she is going to short circuit, and her one last brain cell is trying to escape from her blockhead. Jen F. is asked to give her professional advice, and she looks like she wants to springboard herself off the couch to escape the madness.
Andy tries to mediate this feud to no avail and must keep telling them to stop. He did apologize for yelling at the reunion, and after watching this, you can only take so much of this unruly behavior. Andy then calls a time-out and wants to release Jen and Jackie from the Octagon set. He goes backstage and has a chat with Louie to tell him it is extremely emotional, and he does not want anyone to get physical. Danielle, who has at least two brain cells, tells Nate that she was just set up. DUH. Andy brings out the husbands, and we will have to wait until next week to see this drama pot boil over…
Next week, the men join the couches, and we can then put this miserable season to bed. Have a great week, and please check out my podcast on Saturday night!
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