Hiya, Blurbers! This here is the final recap of the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City season one! Before we jump into part three of the reunion, I would love to thank you all for reading. Full disclosure: This was my first paid writing gig, and I didn’t know how my recaps would be received, but your kind words of support and hilariously engaging comments have made my week every week for three months, so THANK YOU!!
Now, before we get to the recap, I’d like to address the Heather Gay vs. Lisa Barlow grudge match we’ve been watching the last two episodes. I made it pretty clear last week that I was NOT digging Heather’s eye rolls and jabs at Lisa, but several commenters made a really good point that after an entire season of Lisa treating Heather like utter garbage, Lisa had it coming.
I agree with this assessment for the most part, but I also wish Heather would have taken the high road in dealing with Lisa’s snobbery. We saw her be the kind diplomat of the group all season long, so it shocked me to see her pull a 180 and be so sour toward someone who barely warrants her attention. Fingers crossed we see Heather return to her Cool Rider roots next time around!
Speaking of Lisa, while her snark and lack of self-awareness admittedly entertain me, I think she brought the very least to season one, even more so than Mary Cosby (who hid out in her closet most of the time). We know that Lisa likes Diet Coke, wants to be the next Warren Buffett, and LAAVES moving around chairs at Sundance, so why she thought those qualities would make her the HBIC is beyond me, but her plan hilariously backfired.
Still, this is a solid squad of Housewives, and I’m very much looking forward to season two! And if we MUST endure another season of Mary, I need to recalibrate and actually look for things I like about her, such as her bug eyes and nervous tics. She’s an odd duck, a liar, and is confusing in every way possible, so maybe… that’s… something to celebrate? I don’t know, friends. I just don’t know. Anyways! Let’s FINALLY get to the recap, shall we?
We are officially in the husband portion of the reunion, and while Sharrieff, Justin, and John (who fell into the same vat of self-tanner that Lisa did) are present, Seth and Robert Sr. are hovering on television screens behind their wives. After a short clip show of some of the husband highlights, Lisa is asked about throwing John’s Rolex out the car window. “It was so funny. I picked hem up at the airport, and he forgot it was my barthday, and then he took his Rolex off, so I threw it out the wendow! Haha, it’s so funny being rich. I LAAVE IT.”
Sharrieff is then asked if he values football and his job more than his family, and he explains, “No, I don’t. When Dad was in his worst condition, he was only responsive to me, and that created a pain with my wife because she thought if I would have been there sooner, Dad would have probably gotten better. I was at the wake though!” Woof. Jen said it was a very hard time, but she recognizes that Sharrieff is there for her, so now the HEALING CAN BEGIN.
Next, Justin discusses being ex-communicated by the Mormon church due to his infidelity, and he still seems clearly hurt by it. Heather feels for him and Whitney Rose, and she worries she’s going to get a letter too at some point. Andy wonders if divorce is uncommon in the LDS church, and Lisa chimes in, “John is divorced! John’s dad is divorced. Most of my family is divorced! It’s okay to get divorced in the Mormon religion.” Heather mumbles, “I disagree, but that’s my opinion. I’m still married to my husband in the eyes of the church.” Lisa tells Heather she can get unsealed from her husband, and Heather says that’s not true.
If some of you are lost about what they’re talking about, in the LDS faith, you get “sealed” to your family for all eternity… even if you get a divorce. Heather is wrong, though, because you do have options. For instance, my husband was married in the temple to his first wife, and they’ve been divorced for nearly 15 years. Just three weeks ago (!), his ex called and asked if he would give her permission to unseal from him (!!) so she could seal with her new husband. (!!!)
This came as a total shock to us because we had both requested the church remove us from their records long ago, and when you are excommunicated, you lose all the blessings and seals that come with being a Mormon. It says it right in the letter, so why were we even being bothered? We both felt terrible that his ex had to go through the humiliation of asking for permission to be with another man in eternity, so my hubs wrote a SCATHING letter to the bishop that made her do it, and many apologies were given. So, Heather… look into it, hon.
Anyways! Robert Sr. is asked about his unorthodox marriage to Mary, and he is still fuming about Jen Shah’s grandpa f*cker comment. He is none too happy, and while Mary tries to assuage his anger by mentioning that Jen apologized, he’s still pretty raw about the whole thing. First, they’ve been married for 22 years, so BE GONE, HATERS. Second, he affirms they didn’t marry over money, and Mary is touched when he calls her his equal.
Robert Sr. and Sharrieff are asked about Mary’s discord with Jen throughout the season. Robert was uncomfortable watching it, and Sharrieff gets in coach pep talk mode and says to Robert, “I want you to understand this, brother. I told Jen that what she said was unacceptable. You don’t talk about people’s marriages like that.” He apologizes to Robert and hopes they can move on, and Robert graciously accepts.
Next, Whitney is asked about her father, Steve. She instantly starts crying, and she says that while they grew close during filming, Whitney hasn’t seen him since her last birthday. Despite texting him every other day, he’s not responding, and the silence is weighing down on her heart. Big boob jokes aside, my heart aches for this woman. Addiction is terrible, and hearing Whitney and her dad are back to square one made my eyes well up. Also, Steve’s hair is not a wig. KNOW THAT.
Andy turns his attention to Meredith Marks and Seth, and he asks how their marriage is going. “Fantastic.” Andy presses for more details, and Meredith is all, “Sorry. Why would I openly discuss anything about my marriage around this group?” WHOA! Girl, wake up and realize what show you’re on. This is HOUSEWIVES, not RuPaul’s Best Friends Race! When Andy asks you an embarrassingly personal question on national television, you either shit or get off the pot.
Moving on, Andy asks about Meredith’s multiple separations, and as Seth’s perplexed face hovers in the background, Meredith states they’ve had a tumultuous marriage, but the show really helped save it. When asked if they both saw other people during the separations, Seth says he never really got over Meredith, so not really on his end. Lisa bleats that Meredith’s news of the separation made her cry because she loves them together. Heather comes in and admonishes Lisa, “You keep talking about how easy divorce is, but it’s hard!” Lisa looks like she’s over arguing with Heather, and she checks out of the conversation.
Jen attests that she’s not the only person that talked about Meredith’s marriage. Sharrieff adds, “I was upset for my wife, because I know she really enjoyed Meredith, and watching their relationship spiral to this point was hurtful.” Jen apologizes to Meredith and Seth, and she cries, “I never came from a place of trying to hurt anybody.” When Mary reassures Jen that she’s not a bad person, Heather glares at both of them.
The husbands take off, and now it’s time to rehash Whitney’s disastrous girls’ trip to Vegas. We revisit all the ugliness, all the way up to Kimberly Friedmutter’s doomed trust exercise. Andy asks Jen why she was still mad at Whitney after supposedly forgiving her over Sharrieff’s birthday party. Jen explains that she forgave Whitney over the timing of everything, but she still didn’t have the closure over what was said about Meredith and Lisa talking about her. Whitney (and every viewer that ever lived) was shocked by Jen’s outrage on the trip.
Andy asks all the women, “Who here feels Jen preaches loyalty but doesn’t show it back?” Everyone raises their hands except for Lisa. Meredith asks Jen, “If I treated you the way you treated me, would you feel I was a loyal friend?” Jen says no, but she reminds her that she wasn’t the only one that talked about Meredith’s marriage. Then Andy prods Meredith about her feelings about Jen and Lisa’s friendship because it was seeming like SHE wanted Lisa to pick sides at Heather’s Beauty Lab party. Meredith clarifies that she didn’t want Lisa to pick sides, but she doesn’t understand her friendship with Jen.
Heather laments, “The hard part about Jen Shah is that she is as fabulous as she is horrifying. I just don’t want to have a friendship with the terms of me eating shit all the time.” We start to understand Heather’s real animosity toward Jen at this reunion, because while the season aired, Jen apparently said on social media that Heather buys off the rack from Dress Barn and looks like Shrek. Ooooohhhhh… I didn’t know about any of this. YIKES!
Andy brings up that the hypnotist event in Vegas looked like it was a turning point for Heather, and she agrees. Mary dozes off, and she is abruptly woken up by Andy when he asks for her input. Jen says she felt targeted by the hypnotist, and we cut to a scene of Kimberly Friedmutter calling her a bully and manipulator.
“Everyone went in on me, and I was devastated! Telling a woman of color not to talk, and calling us words like ‘aggressive’ is dangerous. I didn’t even want to go there, but it was hurtful!” Mary said she would have just left the hypnotist, and Lisa said that event prompted her to reach out to Jen afterward. Heather and Whitney remind Jen that she threatened Whitney’s life, so how else were they supposed to take her behavior?
Mary says, “I know Jen has been cruel and stuff, but you do get that vibe from Whitney and Heather. I feel like it’s ‘inbredded’ that they’re better than people of color.” Heather and Meredith acknowledge that white privilege exists, but Meredith adds, “Making accusations like this is a HUGE statement.” Jen runs off the stage and cries into Sharrieff’s arms while Whitney makes a phone call: “Yeah. The racism thing came up. Yes, my boobs still haven’t settled. K, see ya.”
In the back room, Jen wails, “They don’t understand how hard this is. Your kids aren’t Black, and your husband’s not Black. To show up and be told to not talk, and that you’re a piece of shit! Don’t talk? It means something different for us!” Sharrieff comforts Jen, and he walks her back onto the stage. Andy asks how she’s doing. Jen says, “Sharrieff told me, ‘Baby, not everybody understands it.’ If we’re going to have change, you just have to make people aware of it. I’m not saying you guys are wrong, I’m just telling you why it’s painful.”
After that whole ordeal, Andy asks the women what they learned. Lisa needs to listen more, Mary and Jen need to work on their communication, Whitney needs to work on her timing and delivery, Meredith is just disappointed in everyone, and Heather hopes she can speak up more and say what’s on her mind. Andy brings out meatballs on sticks in Heather’s honor, and the ladies toast. Then the set starts snowing! Mary tastes it, makes a funny face, and declares, “I don’t think that’s snow!”
And there you have it, folks! Give up for the ladies of RHOSLC! They have truly earned their place in the Housewives pantheon, and Bravo did a great job of showcasing my state’s beautiful scenery. Filming for season two just started, so who knows when we’ll meet again, but I’m absolutely looking forward to it! See you in the comments section, Blurbers. =)
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE EPISODE? HOW DOES RHOSLC COMPARE TO THE OTHER CITIES?
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