Beau, who always seemed rather happy-go-lucky during his time on Vanderpump Rules, recently sat down with his former co-star Katie Maloney to talk about life in general. Though he’s madly in love with both Stassi and their baby girl, Hartford, which the couple welcomed in January, he admitted that his life is far from perfect.
“I’ve been digging a mental depression almost in my head and it’s just self-sabotage,” he shared on Katie’s You’re Gonna Love Me podcast. “And all of a sudden, I’m like, I need this. I need this to happen. I’m fearful of this [and] fearful of that.”
The casting agent went on to say that he is worried about providing for his family since his line of work has been rather slow due to the pandemic.
“I have so much fear of the future,” he confessed. “I have so much fear of if I’m going to be a good dad – I know I’m gonna be a good dad, but how am I gonna take care of my daughter, you know? Because work has been slow because of COVID. There’s not many things that are being cast. So, I’m stressing out and I’m literally broken down. I’m crying. I don’t think I would ever take medicine to make myself feel better, but it’s definitely been tough.”
As fans know, Beau will no longer be receiving a Bravo paycheck either since he left the show when Stassi was fired for accusations of past racist behavior.
Since becoming a father, Beau also constantly worries that something will happen to Hartford – obviously any parent’s biggest fear – and discussed some of the “dark thoughts” he’s had.
“When I hold her sometimes or if I pick her up over a chair that has a sharp corner, or even anything, and I think about, Oh my gosh, what if I dropped her,” he said. “Yeah, dark thoughts! But when I think about that, I get nauseous to my stomach and I would have never thought that I would ever think about that. Like, one of my friends I saw on Instagram, their son went to the hospital, and just reading that I started crying. And I started getting really emotional because I was thinking about what if that happened [to Hartford.] You know, I have the dad thoughts and the dad heart now.”
Later in the episode, Beau revealed that he “didn’t use to care” about what people thought of him, but that all changed once he met Stassi and gained fame from Pump Rules.
“Ever since getting on Vanderpump [Rules] and the followers and stuff, the more and more trolls and nastiness that people say… It’s like, it started to chisel [at] me,” he admitted.
“I remember when I first met Stassi and people were like, ‘Oh, he’s just trying to get on the show’ or ‘Oh, he just wants to build his career,’ he continued. “Just sh*t like that. I’m like, that’s not true! I actually really like this girl, and it was just more and more crap. I would read DMs, and it was… Ugh! The awfulness. Like, [they would say] you’re so disgusting!”
Beau discussed one particular article that really hurt him, which he says he later shared on Instagram.
“I remember someone wrote this article of how dirty I look,” he began. “And, you know, I look like a homeless man and said all this other stuff. And then I found the writer, and then I found her Instagram, and her husband looks exactly like me! I did post her article on my Instagram and I was like, ‘Thank you.'”
Nevertheless, he revealed that his buddy offered him a great piece of advice, which he tries to remember any time someone has something negative to say about him.
“A friend of mine goes – we were at a Rams game at the Coliseum – and he goes, ‘Okay, so, there’s like 90,000 seats. So, imagine you have 90,000 followers, and just those two people up in the nose bleeds are saying you suck,” he recalled of his friend’s advice. “‘You suck d*ck! But you’re affected by that? But look at all these other people that are here for you.’ And I’m like, ‘You’re right.’ But this is what we do as humans. We sit there and dwell on the negatives rather than focus on the positive.”
Photo Credit: Faye Sadou/Media Punch/Alamy