Just about every single one of The Real Housewives of New York have lost their minds. I watched last night’s episode in its entirety–even rewinding at points to get full clarification of the events, and I can honestly say, I still don’t know what on earth was going on. Needless to say, it was a lot–and yet somehow nothing at all (except for that damned “fish room”). Here’s how it all went down:
When we picked up with the ladies, Luann was still in the middle of her temper tantrum that began during last week’s episode. She was all worked up because she was stuck sleeping in the “fish room” at Dorinda’s estate in the Berkshires during this year’s trip. I know, I know–who cares what room they sleep in? Well, the short answer is that these women do–a LOT. It’s not the first time they’ve argued over who got the bigger, better rooms during a girls’ trip, but Luann was taking it to a whole new level.
She stormed off while they were all discussing it over dinner at a local hotel, mumbling that she couldn’t believe that Dorinda would be so insensitive toward her. How could she possibly put her in the “fish room,” Luann wanted to know, when she’d been so “wasted” the last time she’d been in that room. Good grief! I hate to say it, but I was starting to wonder if Luann was “wasted” during the filming of this scene. It was the only reasonable explanation for such over the top behavior.
While she was gone, asking the desk staff if they had a room she could check into instead of staying in the dreaded “fish room,” Ramona chimed in, and told Dorinda she really should try harder to make Luann comfortable (seriously, what is actually wrong with these women?!). Dorinda explained–AGAIN–that she’d promised the biggest and best room to Bethenny during this trip because she was “going through a difficult time” following her boyfriend, Dennis’ passing, and had refused to stay at the house otherwise. In other words, The Queen Bee trumps The Countess.
But Ramona was unmoved by this justification, and pointed out that, at that very moment, Bethenny was in Boston with another man, so really, how difficult a time could she really be having? Now, it’s not often that I agree with Ramona, but I’ll be damned if the woman didn’t take the words right out of my mouth. Even Dorinda shut up after that.
Luann finally returned to the table, and announced that she’d be getting a room at the hotel. The other women implored her to stay, and finally, Tinsley, who was genuinely mortified–not to mention exhausted–with the whole production, told Luann that she would switch rooms with her. It seems begging her to stay was all it took, and Luann finally relented, and told the concierge that she was going to stay at the house with her “friends,” but to keep the room on hold just in case. Once they were back at Dorinda’s even Tinsley had a change of heart about the “fish room,” and it was decided that it would be given to newbie, Barbara instead.
The following day, after a private yoga class Dorinda had arranged for the ladies, she treated them all to a guided tour of Ventford Hall, an old Morgan family estate–she was really bending over backward to make her guests happy on this trip! The house, which was built in the 1800s was old and dusty in that way of old money estates, but we were treated to a glimpse of that famous Morgan family crest, which was etched into the stained glass windows.
Sonja was happy to see the old mansion at first, but the proximity to Morgan family history seemed to take her out of herself a bit. She began spinning, going on and on about museums and libraries, and how much it cost to keep all of the old family artifacts safely in storage for her daughter. She became particularly overwrought when they toured a bedroom, and Dorinda touched some old letters that were sitting on a desk. Sonja felt they should be mounted under glass, “like the Guggenheim Bible” (whatever the hell that is) to protect them from the acid on the hands of the people bold enough to touch them when taking the tour.
Once they were back at the house, Dorinda took the opportunity to have a one-on-one talk with Luann in her fish-less bedroom. She sincerely apologized for the rift between them, and told Luann that she genuinely hoped that they could get back to a place of true friendship. This pleased Luann, as bowing and scraping and genuflecting generally does, and the two women hugged it out. Luann said she felt like she could finally relax and enjoy her company. Ramona and Sonja were both pleased to learn that their friends had made up, but wondered if Barbara’s arrival might ruin their tenuous reconciliation.
When Barbara did arrive, she was very impressed with Dorinda’s home, commenting on the beautiful craftsmanship and design choices–until she got to the dreaded “fish room.” Yes, really. Barbara said she was “afraid” of the shark on the wall, and didn’t see how she’d be able to sleep at night with it hanging there staring at her. Dorinda felt positive that Barbara had been talking to Luann. She was also offended that yet another guest was knocking her $250,000 decorating choices. That shark they were all dissing had set her back a cool twelve grand all on its own, and damn it, it was time they all recognized. Now, I’m not sure who in their right mind pays that much money to mount a bunch of fish on the wall, but she was their host, and had graciously opened her home to them, and arranged for plenty of fun surprises, and the least these ingrates could do was shut up and sleep in that hideous room with love in their hearts and smiles on their faces!
But apparently, Barbara’s just not built that way. She continued complaining–loudly–about the room to Sonja, saying that she wasn’t unpacking because she’d just been thrown out of Dorinda’s New York apartment, and besides, she didn’t want to sleep with all those damn fish staring out at her. Dorinda overheard her–they were only 12 feet away, after all–and said that she didn’t want Barbara to be uncomfortable, and would be more than happy to check on nearby hotel options for her. She walked away, mumbling that Barbara was a “negative b***h,” and more than likely wondering why she continued being friends with these women, let alone invited them into her home.
A little later Bethenny finally arrived, and everyone was happy to see her, and greeted her warmly. She was jovial enough at first, but when she went inside with Dorinda, she broke down crying, as she told Dorinda that she’d seen A Star is Born while she was in Boston, and how difficult it had been to watch the story of a woman losing the love of her life to addiction. This is literally the third time this movie has been made, did Bethenny honestly not know how it ended?! Dorinda managed to calm her down, or at least change the subject, and get her riled up about something else–you guessed it..the “fish room.”
Dorinda recalled for Bethenny how Luann had reacted to the room, and more to the point, how she’d reacted to the fact that Dorinda had saved the best room for Bethenny. She told Bethenny that Luann had said that it was “too bad” that Bethenny wanted the good room. “Too bad”?! Bethenny wasn’t having that! She said she couldn’t believe that Luann would speak disrespectfully about her, and should be calling her “the Lord, Jesus Christ,” (yes, she actually said that) considering all Bethenny had done for her.
When Bethenny brought it up to the rest of the ladies, Barbara tried to defend Luann, but Bethenny was on a roll, and there’s just no stopping that train, no matter how skinny it is. Bethenny said that she had texted with Luann, and that if she was so worried about what room she stayed in, she should have just asked her to switch rooms, as she really didn’t care where she slept. She added that the only room Luann should be concerned with was the room Bethenny had secured for her in a rehab facility, which she’d left two weeks early so that she could perform in her cabaret act. Ouch! But we were all thinking it, right?
Bethenny continued her rant, privately, while sitting on the patio with Dorinda. She said that she was tired of Luann, and that Dennis’ passing had changed her, and taught her to “pick her battles.” And speaking of Dennis, she said that she and Luann had never discussed Dennis, and that Luann had instead continued talking about her cabaret show after he passed.
It was around this time that Luann finally emerged from her 3-hour massage, and came outside to greet Bethenny. When she saw that she and Dorinda were deep in conversation, she asked if she was interrupting anything, and Bethenny told her that she was “a little bit,” and brutally dismissed her.
Since it had been “Rose All Day,” the ladies were in rare form come evening. Barbara wondered where her place would be at the dinner table, and tried to claim the seat at the head of the table, until Ramona and Tinsley set her straight, and explained that that seat would go to their hostess. Barbara said she was “used to being the boss,” and Tinsley, suddenly somehow both the self-described “runt of the litter,” and the voice of reason, told her to take it down a notch.
Sonja was particularly over-the-top. I know–shocking, right? She loudly pointed out Ramona’s “belly,” prompting a slightly less tipsy Ramona to proclaim her love for her own legs, breasts, and booty, as she twerked in front of the mirror.
Things went from bad to worse when the ladies sat down to dinner, which had been prepared by a very naked–and very hairy–chef. Sonja continued being loud, talking about the “fish room,” and telling Barbara to stay away from Luann and Bethenny’s rooms. Then she picked up Ramona’s dog, and waved it around until Dorinda released the poor creature from her drunken grasp.
When Bethenny began talking about her many diamonds, and mentioned the one she’d gotten “from Dennis,” Dorinda piped up, and mentioned that she still had the diamond her late husband, Richard had given her, to which Sonja loudly responded, “oh god, here we go!” You see, she believes that Dorinda is jealous because her ex-husband is a Morgan, but Dorinda didn’t seem to care. She was much more interested in talking to Luann, and the two went off to have a cigarette together outside, and left their drunk friends to their drunken antics.
Thinking of her ex brought Sonja back to their trip to Ventford Hall earlier in the day, and Dorinda touching the old letters in the Morgan bedroom, she began yelling, “you don’t touch the Morgan letters!” apropos of absolutely nothing, and to no one in particular, before bursting into tears and sobbing uncontrollably. Like I said–it was a lot.
The show–finally–faded to black at that point. It was exhausting! And this trip to the Berkshires still isn’t over–the “fun” continues next week. Stay tuned!
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