Hi Blurbers! Welcome back to Open Post, a little corner of the internet where you can comment on whatever you want, including shows we don’t normally cover here! It’s also a space to have fun and socialize, so, like, don’t fight, okay?
Today, I’m going to be your travel agent, flight attendant, and local tour guide all wrapped up into one, because we’re hopping on a PJ (curses to Lala Kent for that dumb abbreviation) and traveling Around the World with the Housewives! Yes! We’re going on a tour of the franchise’s cast trips!
This isn’t an exhaustive list, although I’ve included as many cast trips as I could remember, so if I missed one or two or six of them, lemme know in the comments section! But for now, please fasten your seatbelts, put your personal items under the seat in front of you, and let’s get ready for takeoff!
Domestic – East Coast
RHONY, season 13, Salem, Massachusetts – As of today, this trip is still in the process of airing, and hoo boy, it sure has sparked a lot of discussion. Rather than getting into the racial aspects of the trip, can I just ask why Leah McSweeney thought a latex and lace theme was a cool idea for a dinner in Witchville? What in the Tryhard Hell was that about?
RHONY, the many, many trips to The Berkshires, Massachusetts – Do I miss Dorinda Medley’s spitting? Oh, hell no. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss her Halloween decorations at Blue Stone Manor. We have so many memories of her place in the shark room alone! Whether it was Heather Thomson rolling her eyes at Ramona Singer for bringing HER OWN AC unit to Heather’s hippie shack, or Bethenny Frankel losing it on Luann de Lesseps for the dozenth time, there was something special for everybody at The Berkshires. Now all we’ve got is The Hamptons, and I already learned everything I need to know about The Hamptons on Weekend at Bernie’s, so it’s just not the same.
RHONJ, seasons 5 and 11, Lake George, New York – In season 5 of Real Housewives of New Jersey, Joe Giudice and Joe Gorga physically fight each other, and the wall gets smeared with black hair dye. MUCH DRAMA! The season 11 trip was far less exciting. Just Teresa Giudice blathering on about Jackie Goldschneider being “weak.”
RHOBH, New York City, The Hamptons, etc. – The Beverly Hills / Encino / Pasadena / West Hollywood ladies have flown to the East Coast many times, usually involving some sort of Jetsons-Flintstones cross-promotion with their New York compatriots like Bethenny or Kristen Taekman. My favorite BH trip to New York was when Kyle Richards and Camille Grammer butt heads before, during, and after the Tony Awards, and Taylor Armstrong screamed, “I’m about to take you outside and pull some Oklahoma on your ass!”
RHONJ, Atlantic City, New Jersey and Boca Raton, Florida – (from season six, that everyone hates, so let’s move on!)
RHOA, Savannah, Georgia – This trip almost ended before it started. The ladies were supposed to meet up to take a bus to the “Hostess City of the South”, but Porsha Williams and Kandi Burruss arrived VERY late, and Nene Leakes screamed, “You’re late, bitch! Don’t disrespect all my hard efforts.” My favorite part of the trip was when Porsha refused to sleep in the basement of a haunted house.
RHOC, season 5, Fort Lauderdale, Florida – I… don’t… remember anything about this trip. HAAAALP!!
RHONY, the many, many trips to Miami, Florida – There are too many NY Miami memories to mention in this long-ass post, so let’s boil them down to three: Aviva Drescher’s dad acting like a huge creep to the ladies, Sonja Morgan smacking her face on a glass table, and Barbara Kavovit leaving a trail of spray tan all over white furniture.
RHOA, season 8, Miami, Florida – WHOA! Remember that guy Kenya Moore kicked out of the party, and in response, he flew into a VIOLENT RAGE? If memory serves, a woman was punched out and later returned to the hotel looking like a zombie.
Domestic – Inner, Mid- and Southern U.S.
RHOA, season 13, New Orleans, Louisiana – This trip was filmed during the Covid-19 pandemic, and was pretty light on action (although I would have happily joined them on a bike ride through the French Quarter). Drew Sidora did her best to make the trip poppin’, but not even Big Freedia’s warm energy could keep the women from fighting.
RHOP, season 4, New Orleans – This trip had a very heavy moment when Gizelle Bryant took the ladies to visit Whitney Plantation, a museum dedicated to the history of slavery that Gizelle’s father happened to work at. Other than that, Karen Huger got in trouble for leaving dinner early to go live on Instagram, and Candiace Dillard Bassett accused Ashley Darby of not actually wanting to get pregnant, which… What an odd thing to say to someone.
RHOBH, season 2, Beaver Creek, Colorado – This trip was NOT boring! Camille’s ski chalet trip had it all: Lisa Vanderpump dressed as Dr. Zhivago, Taylor Armstrong slurring “TUNA CHAR CHAR” after emerging from a suitcase, and Adrienne Maloof informing Taylor she was having a nervous breakdown.
RHONJ, season 5, Tucson, Arizona – Ahh, this is the spa trip that everyone got in touch with their feelings! Rosie Pierri and Kathy Wakile were brought to tears when a psychic told them details about their dead father, and Teresa – in all her bird-brained glory – hints to Jacqueline Laurita that her son’s autism was caused by instant karma caused by Jacqueline’s misdeeds. Teresa makes my brain hurt.
RHOC, season 12, Sedona, Arizona – GONNNNNNNG! This may sound cruel, but I rewound and rewatched the scene of Kelly Dodd gonging Shannon Beador’s head at least six times. I know, I’m terrible. But so is Kelly!
RHOA, RHOBH, RHOSLC, RHOC, etc. Las Vegas, Nevada – Here’s the scoop: as someone that can jump in a car and arrive in Vegas six hours later, I’m going to level with you: IT’S NOT THAT GLAMOROUS. Sure, it’s a testament to American capitalism, and sure, you can merrily lose all your money at a craps table. But for real, Bravo, we don’t need to see any more trips to Las Vegas, a city that isn’t even remotely an exotic locale. It’s a big bowl of ‘been there, done that’, so just stop. (But thank you for the Taylor Armstrong cotton candy footage. That was good.)
Domestic – West Coast
RHOBH, season 3, Ojai, California – Aww, Kim Richards’ happy place! After a disturbing and tumultuous season 2, Kim came back on season 3 determined to show the ladies how much she’d grown. The highlights were Taylor Armstrong’s thonged ass and Adrienne Maloof braying, “Uh oh! Someone’s crying.”
RHOC, season 11, Glamis, California – Where they crash ATVs and Vicki Gunvalson manages to take a selfie in a gurney before being hauled away to the hospital by helicopter. Snark aside, that crash was pretty bad, and I’m glad no one seriously got hurt.
RHOC, San Diego, and San Francisco, California – I almost didn’t put these entries on the list. The San Diego trip looked more like a Girls Next Door episode, and Vicki made gagging motions at the dinner table in San Francisco. Immemorable.
RHONJ, season 4, California Road Trip – I just took a California road trip last month, and it was life-giving. You might wonder if my husband took a call from his sidepiece after having sex with me in a vineyard, and the answer is no. But Joe Giudice did!
Domestic – Islands
RHOBH, season 2, Lanai, Hawaii – The one where Kim Richards shows up a day late with her rock boyfriend, and then proceeds to miss all the scheduled group activities to spend time eating cheese with the rock. Kim, if all you wanted to do was eat cheese, what was the purpose of the eight-hour flight? OH, that’s right… contractual obligation.
RHOBH, season 4, Fajardo, Puerto Rico – Been there! THIS was the trip where just about every cast member went after Lisa Vanderpump for reasons ranging from petty to… even more petty. Nice friends.
RHOA, season 7, Condado, Puerto Rico – Been there! (Sorry, I know that’s obnoxious.) Oh yes, the trip where Claudia Jordan reads Nene Leakes for filth, and I believe this very moment was the beginning of the end of Nene’s reign as HBIC on the show. If a rookie cast member can drag you down the street and back, you know you’ve lost the potency you enjoyed in earlier years.
RHONY, season 3, Scary Island (St. John, U.S. Virgin Islands) – Hoo boy, this trip really takes the cake, doesn’t it? Kelly Bensimon brought the “satchels of gold” energy from the get-go, and turned what could have been one of the most fabulous vacations ever into a LIVING HELL for her other cast members. From “my friend Gwyneth” to “channeling the devil” to “Al Sharpton!” Kelly knocked ALL the screws loose on this trip, and gave us jumbled quotes that will live on in infamy long after Housewives goes off the air.
International – The Caribbean
RHOP, season 2, Bermuda – I know, I know, Bermuda is in the Atlantic, and not in the Caribbean, but where the hell else was I supposed to put it on this list? All I remember about this episode is that there was drama over Karen Huger (and not trip cohost Charrisse Jackson-Jordan) being the only person to sign the welcome gift baskets. So… let’s move on.
RHOM, season 2, Bimini, The Bahamas – I don’t remember this trip?? Someone? Refresh me?
RHOBH, season 9, The Bahamas – I DO remember this trip! And think this time is as good as any to remind you of this:
RHONY, season 7, Turks and Caicos – “LUANN BROUGHT A MAN TO MY ROOM!” I love Heather Thomson, but she’s such a square in this episode. It’s a girl’s trip! Girls do wild and crazy things on girl’s trips, so BACK OFF, HEATHER.
RHOC, season 13, Jamaica – Oh my god, you guys. The Orange County Housewives are the WORST travelers on the planet. I honestly do not understand the need to mock someone else’s culture in the way these women do, but I sure hope they look back and cringe at their rasta caps and fake dreadlocks. For shame.
RHOA, season 5, Anguilla – This was an exciting trip! You’ve got Kenya Moore nearly killing everyone (and exposing Cynthia Bailey’s boob) when she gets behind the wheel of a speedboat, you’ve got Phaedra Parks’ notorious swimsuit “cover up,” and then you’ve got Kenya being all sorts of inappropriate with Phaedra’s then-husband Apollo Nida.
RHONJ, season 3, Punta Cana, Dominican Republic – Uhhh… Teresa wore a floppy hat? That’s all I got.
International – Central and South America
RHOC, season 8, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico – Vicki whoops it up at Andele’s, but I’m going to cut in and tell you that if you’ve never been to the Predator zipline in the jungle outside of Puerto Vallarta, YOU HAVEN’T LIVED.
RHOA, season 6, Riviera Maya, Mexico – Never one to shy away from cultural appropriation, Kenya greeted the ladies at the hotel in Mexico with a poncho, long mustache and sombrero, and IT. WAS. CRINGEY. Oh, and Nene calls Peter Thomas a “damn bitch.”
RHONY, the many, many trips to Mexico – Mexico has pretty much become ubiquitous with the New York Housewives, and I’m sure that country is just THRILLED about it. You’ve got Bethenny’s tequila tour, Luann falling in the bushes, Ramona shitting herself right and left, and Dorinda slurring until the cows come home. Viva la México!
RHONY, season 10, Cartagena, Colombia – The trip where the ladies almost died on a boat ride and then shit themselves all over the house they were staying in!
International – Europe
RHOD, season 3, Copenhagen, Denmark – Yay, Denmark! I’ve always wanted to go there. (Well, to be fair, I want to go to most of the spots the Housewives have been to.) On this trip, LeeAnne Locken took covert footage of Brandi Redmond jumping into the Baltic Sea naked, and Cary Deuber watched her hipster Danish relative perform music.
RHOC, season 11, Dublin, Ireland – Top o’ the mornin’ to ya! Shannon Beador tried to slip Kelly Dodd a double to trap her into behaving badly (didn’t work), and Meghan King Edmonds went on a voyage to find her long-lost ancestral family. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s not cool to trick people into getting drunker than they plan on.
RHONY, season 5, London, U.K. – Carole Radziwill’s hairy toenails! Sonja Morgan dipping her head in a bidet. Luann de Lesseps and Carole butting heads over who did the most sports in high school! And finally, Heather Thompson squeezes all the Yummy Tummy plug-ins she possibly can in each scene.
RHOBH, season 5, Amsterdam, The Netherlands – What DIDN’T happen in Amsterdam, I ask? Glass was hurled, questions about husbands were raised, and space cakes were eaten! Amsterdam will always remain one of the definitive Housewives trips because it was both glamorous AND chaotic. One cute moment was when Yolanda Hadid bumped into an old Dutch boyfriend who she completely forgot about.
RHOBH, season 3, Paris, France – Kim Richards acts LOOPY, and the whole group wonders if she’s actually sober. As the ladies prepare a duck dinner for their husbands, Kim pouts in the bus because Lisa Vanderpump made her feel bad. Imagine conducting yourself that way in Paris…
RHOBH, season 8, Berlin, Germany – The BH ladies always go on the best trips, and Berlin was no exception. I thought the Holocaust Memorial was particularly moving, but nothing beats Erika nearly getting hit by a bicyclist while wearing Berlin raver gear.
RHOBH, season 9, Provence, France – This trip was supposed to be an ambush on Camille Grammer, but when her and Denise Richards’ houses were caught in the California wildfires, the remaining five cast members had to fend for themselves without ganging up on another person. Or so we thought… Kyle and Teddi tried to make a big thing about Lisa Rinna’s deranged Erika Jayne cosplay on Halloween, and the Ice Queen wasn’t having any of it. We watched Teddi get sloppy drunk and eat chips in bed, and then cringed at the women ordering margaritas… in France.
RHOA, season 10, Barcelona, Spain – Let’s see… Eva Marcille looked like a goddess on this trip, the ladies HATED their first hotel (which I found charming; different strokes), and Porsha Williams started crying because Marlo Hampton pointed out her doormat was too small.
RHOP, season 5, Madeira, Portugal – Question for the Blurbers: When Ashley Darby told the group they were going to Portugal, did anyone else expect to see Lisbon or other parts of the mainland? Madeira looks gorgeous, and has made its way on my list of places to go, but it’s an island miles away from Portugal proper, so I felt robbed, I tell ya, ROBBED!
RHONJ, season 2, Italian Cruise – The New Jersey crew chartered a ship in Venice, and subsequently spread the black plague all over Italy. I LOATHE Joe Giudice, but seeing his Italian relatives in the countryside was the highlight of the trip.
RHOBH, season 10, Rome, Italy – Ah, yes. The trip where the ladies ganged up on Denise Richards over a rumor that was none of their business! I gotta say, Teddi Mellencamp was sooooo lucky she was knocked up in season 10. If she pulled that kind of shit on me if she weren’t preggers, I would have rubbed her face in my pasta.
RHOA, season 12, Greece – Mother of God. This is the trip where Nene Leakes SPIT on Kenya Moore! Oh, and Cynthia Bailey and Kandi Burruss tried to act out a Greek play that absolutely no one was interested in. Opa!
International – The Middle East and Africa
RHONY, season 4, Marrakech, Morocco – The season wasn’t all that great, but THIS TRIP WAS AWESOME! Luann getting bucked around by a camel is permanently imprinted in my brain, and the showdown between Alex McCord and Kelly Bensimon was epic. “My tattoo is ruined! Who’s going to fix it? Santa?”
RHOBH, season 6, Dubai, U.A.E. – The ladies visit the Burj Khalifa to view sand from 163 floors up, and then have THEE shittiest boat ride in Housewives history. Honestly, this trip offended me. Why go all the way across the world to have a stupid fight about Munchausen’s on a damn boat? Just stay home if you’re going to do that.
RHOA, season 4, Cape Town, South Africa – South Africa has always been on my list of places to go, and it was cool to see the women go on safari and visit a mountain village. HOWEVER, this cast trip will always have a place in my heart for one reason, and one reason only: Sheree Whitfield and Marlo Hampton’s squabble THAT SHOOK THE WORLD:
International – Asia and the South Pacific
RHOA, season 11, Tokyo, Japan – Woot, woot! The ladies took samurai lessons, attended a subpar Bachelorette Party (seriously, the stripper left after ONE dance), and ate MacDonald’s because they couldn’t take anymore Japanese food. Sounds about right.
RHOBH, season 8, Tokyo, Japan – This was just a small trip with Lisa Rinna, Erika Girardi and Lisa’s girls. It was back when Erika had a fully-functioning glam squad, and she managed to make herself look like one big anime cartoon walking around the city. I loathe both characters, but enjoyed watching them eat a “squishy” meal while trying to look cultured and fancy.
RHOBH, season 7, Hong Kong – Okay, I did the happy dance when the BH ladies visited the Tian Tan Buddha AFTER I had already been there! It made my poor ass feel like a sophisticated poor ass, which was nice for a change. Hong Kong is one of the most impressive cities in the world, and I loved looking at the buildings in the background as Dorit Kemsley and Erika Girardi fought like dogs on a junk boat in the harbor. Oh, and Lisa Rinna accused Dorit of doing drugs in the bathroom at a dinner party, and that went over well.
RHOA, season 7, The Philippines – The ladies managed to have fun without Nene. Imagine that!
RHOD, season 4, Bangkok, Thailand – “One night in Bangkok and the world’s your oyster.” Some people (like me!) go on food tours and take in the temple sites, and others (ahem, Dallas ladies) go to the Red Light district to get hit in the face with vagina juice-covered ping pong balls. Sure, I’m curious about the mechanics behind it all, but anything involving sex workers makes me squicky.
RHOC, season 9, Bali, Indonesia – Bali looks GORGEOUS, and I would never travel halfway around the world to go there and then think to myself, “This trip could use lots of drama.” Well, Lizzie Rovsek and Tamra Judge don’t think the way I do, so they ignored the scenery and wasted no time in entering the ThunderDome. “You will never see my face again!” Tamra screams. What a WASTED TRIP.
RHOC, season 10, Tahiti, French Polynesia – Sorry to end this list with a whimper, but I literally remember nothing about this trip.
Okay! So, if you’ve reached the end of this post, color me impressed! My apologies for the length. Thank you to Blurber Copssister for the idea for this post, and if you have any ideas for future Open Posts, please send them to [email protected]. Have a great Sunday!
(Photos courtesy of Bravo TV)
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